Thunder Weekly Squadron Report #43

New Thunder Policy!!!
All members of Thunder MUST get AIM (can be found at http://www.aim.com) and register a name. That name must then be told to ME. Also: add all other members of Thunder from the list provided below. This applies to Ryuu, Ernest Penfold and Jeff.
You MUST have done this or given reason as to why you can’t by January 12, 2004, which is TWO weeks from today.
Taking the AIM IWATs course is encouraged but not necessary.
Thanks.
Communication:
EMAIL: Here is a listing of all the email addresses of Thunder Squadron. sgeers@hotmail.com, Beefment@aol.com, Zwan15@hotmail.com, Bouke@multilevel.nl, achtung_spitfire@hotmail.com, skc@o2.pl, darkshadowchaser@hotmail.com, Hobbesforever@aol.com, alonzoriveria@yahoo.ca, ww_bolinger@hotmail.com, randallp@springdale.gaggle.net
AIM:
Alexi – Hobbesforever
Beef - Beefment
Fritz Von Stukart – Commodore Frtz
Shadow - Devorous
me (Stuart) – ltsgeers
Dulcatos – Dulcatos
Ice - a112icehawk

Messageboard: http://www.ehnet.org/mb/viewforum.php?f=43
I love to chat with you guys, about RL and EH issues and occurrences :) Feel free to contact me at any time on AIM (ltsgeers) MSN (sgeers@hotmail.com) IRC (`Stuart), email (sgeers@hotmail.com or carrot@isdchallenge.org), or ICQ at 35819021.
News:
TIE Corps News: http://www.emperorshammer.net/news.asp

Thunder News:

- Everyone please welcome our newest member, CM Ernest Penfold to the squadron! He has joined us from the reserves.

- Thunder was moved around a bit this week for many reasons, if you really want to know you can personally ask me.

- New Thunder Communication policy up at top of report.

- Battle it out LTs!! Competition was over in nearly a week… #2 has started and is well underway. If any other members of thunder would like to have a competition against other members of Thunder please let me know!

Recruitment : Well, Thunder is basically full. We have a recruit or two coming to fill up our last open spot, the wing and club, however, are not full yet. Still, PLEASE contact any people you know that are interested in Star Wars. Recruit!! (for recruits our WC is offering 1 ISM per and for 5 or more a PC :) plus the TIECorps has official medals for getting recruits)
Comps:
Battle it out Thunder LTs #2

LT Ice must defend his freshly acquired bragging rights over LT Ryuu. The winner of this competition will receive a IS-BW, a carrot, and bragging/beating ;) rights over the other. The winner is the member who completes all the TIE DB battles found at (http://www.emperorshammer.net/battles/battlelist.asp?battletype=8) first. The battles may be completed in any order and I will be able to determine winner in a close race by the time stamps on the emails.

*Thunder Orangeist Run-on competition (Round 2)*
The opportunity to create your commander's fictional background is here! For details go to our webpage (http://thunder.tiecorps.net/ )

Winner for round 2 will be announced later this week and Round 3 will start. (Sorry for the delay but I have a bio project to finish before I can judge these entries again and it’s late at night v.v )

*Run-on Rampage*

A Wing wide run-on competition.

Run-on - http://www.ehnet.org/mb/viewtopic.php?t=791
Latest Voting - http://www.ehnet.org/mb/viewtopic.php?t=914

Arrivals: CM Ernest Penfold
Departures: none
Medals/Awards:
Unknown (Mailer is not sending me bsfs/medals/etc GRRRR!)

Activity:
MAJ Stuart: (95 FCHG so far)
- MB activity
- WSR
- Usual not so boring this week CMDR stuff O.O
- Running Fiction Comp
- Submitted Wargame Turn Report
- SiK Group (http://sik.minos.net)
- MSE

LCM Karce (1 FCHG so far) On long leave
- On Long Leave

CM Dulcatos: (7 FCHG so far)
- Email Contact

CM Shadow: (0 FCHG so far) Unable to fly
- AIM contact

CM Fritz Von Stukart: (69 FCHG so far)
Submitted Flight Report
Submitted BOC turn report
MB Activity (+comp)
Email contact
AIM contact
MSN contact

LT Ice (117 FCHG so far)
- Email Contact
- Completed AIM IWATS 100%!
-Completed TIE DB 1 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 2 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 3 (4 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 4 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 5 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 6 (6 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 7 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 8 (4 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 9 (4 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 10 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 11 (4 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 12 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 13 (6 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 14 (6 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 15 (6 missions)

LT Ryuu (100 FCHG so far)
- Email Contact
-Completed TIE DB 1 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 2 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 3 (4 missions)
-Completed TIE DB 4 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE CAB 1 (5 missions)
-Completed TIE CAB 2 (20 missions)
-Completed TIE CAB 3 (5 missions)

CM Ernest Penfold (0 FCHG so far)
- Just joined us!

CPT Alexi Stukov (80 FCHG so far)
-Submitted Flight Report
-MB activity
-AIM activity
-Editted History
-Submitted wargame turn
-Recruitment stuff

MAJ Jeffery Domm (0 FCHG so far)
- BOC Turn report

COL Beef (22 FCHG so far)
- AIM contact
- Running War Game
- MB Activity
- Email contact
- Completed TIE FREE 246 (1 mission)

Total missions = 125 *gasp*
Total LoCs = 0
Total IWATS = 1

Funnies

Just in case you didn’t read it earlier… my dad’s entire family are “Nederlanders” so this was quite funny!!! (and strangely true). Thanks to Ice for this.

” Just a little info on "Hollanders" like me (LT Ice) and LT Ryuu ;) (I
laughed my head off reading this about us "Hollanders")


1. Never use the word "Dutch" in front of a Hollander. It
reminds him too much of the word "Deutsch" which is a word for Germans and
other things he doesn't like. A Dutchman is a Hollander or a Nederlander.

2. Never ever try to speak Hollands even if you have lived in
Holland for more than five years. Not only will it give you a splitting
headache but also Hollanders won't understand a single word of what you are
trying to say. Foreigners are expected to speak English or gibberish.
Speaking gibberish they are easy prey for pickpockets since they can't make
a report to the police.

3. Also never try to eat "drop". Drop is a kind of licorice
that only Hollanders can eat. It can be recognized by its colour: black. The
taste is a cross between printer ink (blue) and earwax. Hollanders
absolutely love it and eat kilos of the revolting stuff. There is a
nationwide conspiracy to look at the faces of foreigners who are tricked
into believing it is edible.

4. Do not buy wooden shoes. They will look absolutely silly on
you. which is of course the main reason for selling them to you in the
first place. A Hollander himself wouldn't like to be found dead in them. (As
a matter of fact, they wouldn't like to be found dead at all)

5. Do not make holes in dikes. Behaviour like that is not only
frowned upon but in certain cases can get you stoned to death with wooden
shoes by an angry mob. You may feel free however to stick a finger in any
dike you like. It'll get you a few good laughs from the natives.

6. A Hollander is always right and he knows it. With this in
the back of your mind it is easy to deal with most of them. If ever you get
into an argument with a Hollander, tell him that he is absolutely right and
that you see the error of your ways. This will drive him absolutely crazy:
Since you are a foreigner you can't be right. You agree with
him. Therefore he also cannot be right. Impossible! He is a Hollander.
But.. why.. he.. At this point you may want to stand back and watch him try
to strangle himself with a tulip.

7. Windmills are unavoidable.

8. It is not necessary to show an interest in tulips,
windmills, wooden shoes or cheese. Every Hollander knows that you came for
the softdrugs or the Amsterdam red light district, the Walletjes. Both are
available in a large quantity and are easy to find. Ask any Hollander age
six or older or any French tourist (see items 19 & 20)

9. Avoid fans of soccer games at all cost. Soccer in Holland is
merely an excuse used for bashing in the brains of just about everyone else,
including yours, after the game is won. ...Or lost...Or if it is a draw. It
is also very unwise to stand near a policeman during these festivities.
(see item 10) Also, whenever there's a Hollander around: "Don't mention the
'74 final!". You'll end up in an ongoing discussion about how well the
Orange team played and how marvellous it is that a small country like
Holland has such a good team and blah-de-blah-de-blah.

10. Policemen in Holland may be used for throwing things at. If
you feel like hitting someone or something, use a policeman. No Hollander
will pay any attention if you decide to hit, maim, or kick a policeman in
the groin. Policemen represent authority and no Hollander recognizes any
authority higher than himself. You may also note that a lot of Hollandse
policemen are in fact foreigners tricked into taking the job.

11. Hollanders do not like to spend money, they'd sooner cut off
their own ears. A Hollander will become a friend for life if you give him
something for free. (Note: Social diseases are an exception) This might
explain the success of MacDonald's in Holland. The story that copper wire is
an invention of two Hollanders fighting over a found cent is absolutely
true.

12. Holland is small. There is a rumour that Holland is put
inside during rainstorms. Not true, but that is mainly because it rains
about 365 days each year. This might also explain those wooden shoes: They
float. Yes, Holland is small and Hollanders are proud of it. They will grab
every opportunity to point out to you that the nation has accomplished great
things, despite of it being so small. A suitable answer to this swank is the
Hollander's imperialistic past. Wich brings us, rather nicely, to item 13.

13. If you wish to insult a Hollander - and sooner or later you
will - simply tell him you don't think he is a pacifist. Now immediately
start running for your life. He'll want to prove to you that he is a peace
loving person and he won't stop proving this until your intestines are
scattered all over the floor. However, mentioning a supposedly imperialistic
past considering Surinam and/or Indonesia, will instantly reduce a Hollander
to a pathetic, sniffing and crying child, begging for forgiveness

14. The Hollanders are supposed to be tolerant. They are not.
They simply make too much money from the sale of soft- and hard-drugs,
Malaysian women and pornography to foreigners to let an opportunity for
making a good profit go by.

15. The main form of public transportation in Holland is bikes.
Feel free to take any bike of which you are able to pick the lock. Don't
expect your own bike however to be where you left it three minutes earlier.
The hunting season for bikes is open 365 days a year. Have fun.

16. At nearly every meal in Holland you will find a small
vicious looking blade with a slit in it. It is called a "kaasschaaf" and is
used for taking very thin (the see-through kind) slices of the cheese. Yes,
it is indeed an invention made by a Nederlander. Never cut cheese with a
knife, you'll make an utter fool of yourself. Another peculiar dinner tool
is the "flessenlikker", which literally means "bottle-licker", but is best
translated by "yoghurt-scraper". Note that this tool is not meant to get rid
of an itchy back or for your nightly escapades. It's designed to clean out
bottles of yoghurt or "vla" which is a sort of custard. The Nederlanders
wants to use absolutely every millilitre of the yoghurt or "vla" he bought.
He paid for all of it and he'll jolly well eat all of it.

17. At the time of this writing, the Hollandse economy is doing
quite well. The Hollanders say that this is the result of extensive
negotiating between parties like the unions, the employers and the
government. They even have a name for this: The polder model. Foreigners
are made to believe that this polder model is the key to a healthy economy
and if others should follow this polder model, their economy's will also
improve dramatically. This is utter nonsense. Hollanders just love to talk
and talk and talk. Calling all this talking negotiations only gives them a
sense of doing something useful. Talk is not cheap in Holland.

18. Hollanders like to drown fried potato's in litres of
mayonnaise and put it in small paper bags. This is called "een patatje met".
One of these bags can sustain life over an indefinite period. Not everyone
agrees if it is the sort of life worth living. Some foreigners however are
reported to have actually liked eating it.

19. Hollanders have a special and unique service for mainly
French tourists. As soon as they cross the border between Belgium and
Holland, they are welcomed enthusiastically by young men in fast cars.
These young people wish to point out to the French tourist where the more
interesting touristy places in Holland can be found. Strangely enough they
always seem to end up in a coffee shop (see item 20). Funny people those
French.

20. There is a fast and guaranteed way of making a complete fool
of yourself in Holland: Enter a coffee shop and ask for a cappuccino.
Coffee shops do not -remember this- do not sell coffee. You can however get
a good number of other stimulating drugs there. For some unknown reason
coffee shops are extremely popular with French tourists.

21. A Fries is a semi-detached sort of Nederlander, living in
the north of the country in a province all for himself. He is fond of frozen
water, Beerenburg (which is a form of euthanasia with alcohol) and
continuously pointing out to non-Fries Hollanders that they are -indeed-not
Fries. The rest of the Hollanders look upon this behaviour with the good
natured ambivalent feelings that parents have for an obstinate child.

22. On the matter of what books to buy before you come to
Holland, I can recommend the following: The complete works of William
Shakespeare or a leather-bound volume of the Encyclopaedia Britannica (the
1913 copy: Fr to He). In my experience these two books have just about the
right weight for clubbing a pushy drug dealer or pimp on the head without
leaving any marks. After hitting you might want to drop the book you were
carrying at that moment for a more speedy retreat. Bring plenty of books.

23. Do not bother to hire a car. Not only can you steal more
bikes than you will need but car-traffic in Holland is not something you
will enjoy. In the rest of the world traffic jams are measured in miles or
kilometres, Nederlandse traffic jams are measured in weeks. As a matter of
fact, the more persistent traffic-jams are well worth a touristic visit. The
sight of starving people in an expensive Mercedes can be quite uplifting if
you are of a philosophic nature. You may want to bring some pieces of bread
with you to throw through open car windows. The resulting fights can often
be worth watching.

24. Contrary to popular belief, you may not bring your
mother-in-law to Holland for do-it-yourself euthanasia. Tourists are warned
not to take these matters into their own hands.

25. Whether you are catholic, Muslim or worshipper of Urrrgl,
god of all honest politicians, in Holland you are likely to run into a
church, temple or oak-tree-and-virgin of your liking. Hollanders are
supposed to be very tolerant of other believes, ways of life and religious
convictions. They are not. The only reason for there being so many
different churches, sects and cults is the fact that Hollanders disagree on
just about anything. A Hollander is always right (see item 6) and anyone who
thinks different than him can jolly well bugger off and start his own
church.

26. Holland is a kingdom. It has no king but a queen and her
husband is no king but a prince. The queen doesn't rule the country well,
not much anyway- but she is very good at opening bridges, roads and visiting
other countries. She is also very decorative at state banquets. Her son,
the crown prince, will be king as soon as she stops queening (nice word
eh?). Now his wife won't be a queen but she will be a princess because
Nederland is much too small for a king and a queen at the same time. On
April the 30th it's Queen's Day, which is not the birthday of the queen, but
the birthday of princess Juliana the queen's mother (who used to be the
queen). It is no wonder that more and more Nederlanders wish to make Holland
a republic. Queen's Day, by the way, has nothing to do with royal
festivities. It's just a Hollander's excuse to drink large quantities of
alcohol. On Queen's Day Hollanders also sell garbage in the streets.

27. It might be wise to learn how to swim if you visit Holland.
No, the dikes will hold, that is not the problem. The huge amount of
ditches, moats, canals, rivers and brooks can however lead to mistakes. The
shiny nice new asphalt road that you wish to drive your car on during a
rainstorm, may in fact not be a road at all.

28. The Hollandse art. Most Nederlandse painters get to be
famous only after they have died. That is a very sensible arrangement from
the publics point of view. Not only do you get large quantities of paintings
- a man has got to eat, right? - but it also makes a nice investment for
art-lovers The painters themselves do not share this view at all but are
unable to do anything about it. In at least one case the frustration has led
to self-mutilation involving an ear.

29. If one of your Hollandse friends invites you for a birthday
party, prepare yourself for a unique experience. Unique, because it can only
be compared to taking place on a wooden chair which has a sharp nail driven
through the underside of the seat, and not being able to move for a month.
More than one foreigner has been driven to the brink of insanity in just one
evening. A Hollandse birthday party consists of sitting in a chair, talking
to other Hollanders about your work, your car, foreigners and politics. You
are expected to leave at 11 pm and you'll gladly do so.

30. Do not get sick in Nederland. Over the last ten years, the
famous Hollandse healthcare has been privatised. These days some operations,
like open heart surgery, have a waiting list of more than six months. The
doctors don't think that is a problem, "More than half of our patients for
open heart surgery never even show up anyway" they say. Some Nederlandse
patients who have become desperate, move to a country like Mozambique, Iraq
or Pakistan where healthcare is infinitely better.

31. Nederlanders leave their curtains open in the evening. This
used to be so that the neighbours could always check if your family didn't
gamble or drink alcohol. These days it is a precaution against junkies
trying to steal the stereo from the family car, parked in front of the
house. It has the fortunate side effect that you can watch Hollanders in
their natural surroundings, in front of the television, watching soaps.

32. Holland has more cities than only Amsterdam. Like ..erm.
..Well, it has!!

33. Hollandse beer has made quite a reputation for itself over
the years. Some people even drink it. Brewing is indeed one of the things
Hollanders traditionaly do very well. Holland never used to be a country
with anything more interesting to do than to drink oneself blind in new and
interesting ways or make paintings. This made the beer industry very
popular. Experts claim that once you have drank Hollandse beer like
Heineken, Grolsch or Amstel, all other beers taste like the tapwater in a
Rotterdam hotel.

34. Hollandse tapwater is safe to drink. This is quite
remarkable considering that most drinking water comes from poluted rivers
like the Rhine. Plans to improve the quality of the riverwater, so that fish
like salmon will return to Hollandse rivers to spawn, can count on strong
resistance from the Nederlanders. They don't like the idea of animals having
sex in their drinking water.
*

Roster:
THUNDER SQUADRON OF WING X : Escort
COMMANDER: MAJ Stuart (sgeers@hotmail.com)
NICKNAME: The Eyes of the Storm, The Thunder From Down Under
BANNER: thunder.gif
MOTTO: The Clash of Thunder is your Death Knell
HOMEPAGE: http://thunder.tiecorps.net
MESSAGE BOARD: http://www.ehnet.org/mb/viewforum.php?f=70
FLIGHT I - TIE DEFENDER
Nickname: The Beefy Ones
Motto: Just Moo It
1) MAJ Stuart (sgeers@hotmail.com)
2) LCM Karce (alonzoriveria@yahoo.ca)
3) CM Dulcatos (skc@o2.pl)
4) CM Shadow (darkshadowchaser@hotmail.com)
FLIGHT II - TIE DEFENDER
Nickname: Thunder's Talons
Motto: 'Feriens Tego' - Striking I Defend
1) CM Fritz Von Stukart (achtung_spitfire@hotmail.com)
2) LT Ice (Zwan15@hotmail.com)
3) LT Ryuu (Bouke@multilevel.nl)
4) CM Ernest Penfold (randallp@springdale.gaggle.net)
FLIGHT III - TIE DEFENDER
Nickname: The Dogs of War
Motto: Gloria Statim - Instant Glory
1) CPT Alexi Stukov (Hobbesforever@aol.com)
2) COL Beef (Beefment@aol.com)
3) MAJ Jeffery Domm (ww_bolinger@hotmail.com)
4) TBA




CMDR/MAJ Stuart/Thunder/Wing X/ISD Challenge
GOE/BS/PCx8/ISMx8/IS-3BW-4BR-1SW-3SR/LoC-CSx2-Rx2/CoL/CoB/OV-4E [GLDR] {IWATS-CBX-FLA-GFX-IIC/1-M/1-PHP-SM/3-TM/1-TT}
I'm going to contort you until time and space have no meaning!
"I......just.......love......dots!"
"No matter what you do, the squirrels always win!"
"Shoot for the moon - even if you miss, you'll be among the stars!"