TC Ward Report #03

Reporting Officer: COL Genie, TIE Corps Ward

Date Submitted: 21st August 30 ABY

s

News

This is the 3rd ward report since taking office. I'd like to start by saying thank you to Stryker on his time as a Co-Ward. He stepped down from this role a few months ago.

For our pilots across the fleet, who enjoy fiction and role-play, feel free to craft your own stories, however long or short they may be. The current designated discord channel continues to be the #runons. While, you may have noticed by now, we got a new channel, #the-art-of-star-wars a playword on the "art of war". That's our art corner, whereby you can share any form of visual artistic expression.

The new website currently does not support uploading fiction and art. However, this is work in progress and keep an eye and ear out for when that will become a reality. A nifty feature is being prepared by our Turtle.

Design the Squadron Mascot

I have commissioned a new EH-wide competition. To design art based on a squadron's mascot. The only stipulation is that it includes in some capacity (partially or fully) the squadron's patch. It is up to you how to interprete that. The judges will be Plif, Miles, Clark, Marenta, Silwar, Phoenix and myself. The top design will receive an Iron Star Platinum Ribbon (the most prestigious ribbon in the fleet).

You may submit multiple entries. All the details can be found in the competition page itself. If you have any questions, feel free to DM me (Genie) on discord. Send all submissions to evghenios@yahoo.com.

Golden Gonks!

For those who were here last year, you may remember the Golden Gonks! The plan is to repeat the awards this year. Some of the categories from last year may be repeated, but not all. At this point in time, feel free to contact me to suggest new categories or to submit entries for said categories.

If you are not sure what the Golden Gonks are, check out last year's awards.

Book Club

The book club is currently honouring our own pilots by encouraging people to submit their own fiction. A partial list can be found below. You may join the book club channel on discord at any point in time by opting-in in the #role-assignments channel.

Marenta's Admiral Antics. This one reminds me of the shenanigans we used to pull in the boy scouts during camp, at 3am in the morning.

Cray Zee Xerious' ISDII Warrior diary detailing his experiences over these past few months as an EH pilot.

Legion's Valkyrie Series. A multi-part series packaged together.

Ranger's A game of cards. Some self-reflection into the abyss that is our Black Ranger.

Neurotic Tim's A day in the Life of a Crewman and Crewman's Downtime. For those wondering what our NPCs are up to!

Constellation Hoshiteru's TC Core Exam experience. No spoilers of her final grade.

Westric and Vapen's Marcan Express story. A multi-chapter adventure douzed in alcohol.

Alexander "ossusplay" Morgan's Morgan Chronicles. Several years of storytelling, but fear not they are compressed in but a few chapters.

The Art of Star Wars

Today, I will be sharing some of the great artistic work created by our own pilots or in some cases art discovered by our pilots which proved to be beautiful and inspiring. You can click on an image to see a bigger representation of it.

Posted by Westric, art created by Edouard Groult.

Hermann has recently introduced us to his girlfriend, shortly before organizing planet Argentina joining the Imperial forces.

A typical night in the Drunken Bastion aboard the Hammer, to the tunes of DJ Wolve, followed by the typical end to the night. Art created by Newt.

The first picture below is one of the first Newt created. A beautiful "portrait" of the pilots aboard the Challenge at the time. The second picture, is declassified information showing the "war room" aboard the Challenge, during Imperial Storm.

Speaking of Imperial Storm, as the Hammer was crashing and burning, we received a get-well card from the Challenge, created by Karrde. Meanwhile, Ranger managed to escape on time, in his personal "escape pod".

Today we find out what Merlin used to do before he joined the fleet (from the internet). But now, we see him in his full glory in an image when he ewokified himself. Could he be a cross between an Ewok and another race?

Ranger somehow convinced a New Republic Calamari that he was one of them. They let him land in their hangar. Good thing we sent Xylo undercover to rescue him!

Silwar managed to get a beautiful picture out of Dall-E. The theme, a TIE Fighter Pilot eating a bowl of soup in an alleyway. While Wildfire shared with us a TIE Advanced light.

Legion has been putting regular podcasts interviewing EH pilots across the fleet and Newt has been preparing incredible art depicting them. Below is one such snapshot, from left to right, Honsou, Silwar, Legion, a suspicious-looking droid and Graf. You can check out Legion's Airlock Podcasts on Twitch and catch the older videos at EH's Youtube Channel.

One of the great things about Squadron Remob, is that opportunities for new fighters arise. Below is Tempest's TIE Punisher

The TIE/ca "Punisher" Starfighter is a class of heavy bomber that is manufactured by Sienar Fleet Systems based on the mainframe of the TIE/sa bomber. It has four times more payload and costs 253,000 credits. The TIE Punisher is armed with forward-mounted light laser cannons, a ventral-mounted twin proton bomb chute with tandem release for surface targets, and either four fire-linked forward-mounted proton torpedo launchers or concussion missile launchers. It includes a deflector shield increasing its survivability and the successful delivery of its warheads to the designated targets.

Runons

We started a three-word runon a few days ago which resulted in the occasional group-gem. Below is the entire extract, pulled directly from the runon channel "as is". A number of our pilots joined in. A few hits and misses, I hope you enjoy it.

@LC Alejandro Araujo opened the jar of mayonnaise, ready to spread it all over the bathroom floor. Then @CPT Solohan50 ran. He ran so far awaaaaaay. That he hit a TIE frontally and it left a mark in the shape of a really awkward Blue-jean baby. The ship's pilot told @CPT Solohan50 to clean this mess!

L. A. Lady had so many friends, that she dances in my hand. It's actually quite the funny view sorry for intruding, Sir Elton John the famous Sithlord. I have some delicious apple fritters that I uploaded in the cupboard tor the mice to try and nibble up on delicious apple fritters. But they melted so everyone cried their way to the large hangar to prepare for the process of launching their fighters. They turn on the juke box and get groovy. The lights turn disco-esque and everybody started to see the gonk droid was actually the Mobile chalquilla dispenser who tried to throw out chalquillas for every pilot but it lagged and instead began throwing out more internet packets there.

One of the Pilots there decided that chalquila tasted like internet packets. Internet packets are both wonderful and Full of viruses but truly meaningful in their efforts to create lag and therefore destroy my gonk droid!!!! Not on my Watch! We must save it before lag freezes it. Quick, someone call the ghostbusters, because its morphin time Too late it’s! A gelatinous cube! that is rolling into @CPT DemWookieeCheeks fur! without any glamour. @COL Genie reached for @CPT DemWookieeCheeks 's cheeky router only to discover something funny inside, another router! Huh, that's weird. Utinni!!! Can you imagine all the people living for today just to live their very best spinning in vents. This is intense said the Gonk.

You give love way to often a bad name which starts with the letter a, not Alejandro tho. No instead it’s Allowicious Devadander Abercrombie, ADA for short. While that's happening, a blast is being had at the officers lounge so everyone ran to the lounge, but fell in with the wrong Swarm of Ewoks just to realize Solohan was there eating a zucchini. While painting toes on a Wookiee. A drag wookiee. With thicc cheeks. Now moving on...

We turn to use missiles on the dirty rebels!!! But instead we end up firing Internet packets to their navigations array causing them to become jammed with jarred raspberry jam. It really messed, spreading the lag. We installed new routers with superfast Jelly producing capabilities for the hungry god of Packets. For the empire. This is the New dawn of Sensor piercing Strawberries And thong wearing jam-hungry Wookiees, Jawas and Ewoks. They begin to do unethical things and everyone hates how they operate.

Their Awesome ATVs Taurus stands up and walks to give up his seat for the Utinni, utinni, utinni! Excited jawa next To the Walker full of chalquilla And says, hey pour me another. He grabs a vodka full of Internet packets and Briny olive juice taking a sip... Will make you Unsurprisingly, very very Sick, to the point of being practically leaking from every Place it’s possible.

The mess created was so bad the janitor droids needed an urgent cleanup and repair. The official investigation... Ended in Spectacular recriminations between the Routers and modems so resulting in a great failure Which was considered a big win. Suddenly, a big utinni blaster pulled out caller in t'other.

Ewok in thongs, sounding of gongs, spinning in throngs, singing a song. Not about Thrawn, of his spawn. The wallhacks were totally unnecessary, but totally convenient and easily used for detecting rebel scum by constantly wallbanging in the vents alongside the Ewok. And wookie cheeks but less effective sounds great though. But alas rebels used aimbot and smell funny. The scent of Ewok dirty underwear attracted some very strange black market of interested Jawas who were sniffing at stolen underwear and bidding on @CPT Solohan50 's used ones even though they were multicolored and full of holes.

But one day it will be a mission for buying new underwear. With sensors for stains and holes And food dispensers. Today is the Day of reckoning for stained undies and smelly Ewoks. Who can tell whether or not it is clean pPure and unadulterated. Ewok sweat on @LT Dathka "Dakka Dakka" Graush 's forehead dripping Which @COL Talons "the Xenomorph" Pryde noticed but looked away Seeking @LCM Hopfot 's help to find out Whether there was Smelly thongs or Gigantic gongs with loud sounding songs of Elton John.

His bardic aplomb everyone covered their 6'o clocks, zucchinis and Bellinis and Mankinis and martinis and even tipped the dealer of porcini who threw a key of Lambdarghini into my drink that really stinks as she winked and it shrinks into a tiny jar jar Binks but now you have just clinked and got debunked a certain funk. Only to take some free trips and some rips, not before sips of distilled drips as he sees two whole hersheys melting into @GN Anahorn Dempsey's assorted medal collection of internet packets she cleans the most-rare medals first then the more Widely available awards but ran out of the most important thing to do, which was watching the latest holo-message from @COL Genie about a survey on hair lengths For alopecic Wookies who tear waiters'arms from their sockets and then screams louder than Kylo "Ben" Ren, who is wide and is swol-len naked chest, stupid and sexy but the women and also the children are unimpressed. Rey though was less than enthused about his nose because it poked a hole in Suspension of disbelief then came relief as she checked out at aldi and timed out of the contest.

She was surprised that the great Bowl of custard tasted like mustard And contained sharks that only ate Aspic containing larks, playing at parks Until it's dark chewing tree bark leaving a mark more like a scar resembling many cars from the Tzar who isnt far from a jar an ajar jar owned by Jar-Jar binks, a gungan gigolo from Naboo who drinks dew wow! who knew? me, didn't you? nope! perhaps grogu? Later I'll know but for now I'll wait for A bit more time to snore away these smores.

There's no cause but there t'was a deafening buzz which came from a Mother's hum-vee close by she was revving Fumes were billowing. Upon seeing the internet packets dropping the lag was shocking he was rubberbanding his efforts outstanding! But bandwidth demanding and motherboards sparking XvT was redboxing, Internet was doxxing, xwing was falling Squadrons not sailing, B-wings were flailing and Y-wings bailing TIEs were screaming Bombers were memeing Ahsoka was screaming Thrawn was scheming, Pawns were shifting, Kylo was lifting his biceps ribbing.

Screaming for vengeance over our runons and our runoffs we don't talk but we gesture making signs like High => Ground => Get or also the "Hello there", signs. The general sighs being so uncivilized Behind those eyes those blue eyes souls window divine Ewok thongs inside all comments aside, chest protruding wide Bursting with pride, still spinning inside None could deride his tough hide except of course pings and lag a person's most very annoying boast deserves a toast or a roast by a ghost haunting the host time to post More than most Reduced to frost on this morning's usual windows BSoD due to chalquilla being , well, chalquilla in GN Allen "Ace" Chanti's office.

Song

Back when I wrote this song, I poured a lot of heart and soul into it. In preparing this report, I revisited the Golden Gonks, which also brought back memories of some of the songs both myself and others have written.

Music makes me feel good, so below is the song TIE TIE my Superior TIE, sang to the tune of American PIE by Don McLean. Open the link above and while the music plays, you can then sing the lyrics below. Several other great works by various of our pilots are also in last year's Golden Gonks as well as deeply buried inside the #runons discord channel.

A long long time ago, Just two hours ago, how that resupply used to make me smile

And I knew if I had some hull That I could burst those shield gens up and maybe win our game outright

But the opponents made me shiver, with every laser they’d deliver, Bad news for my TIE bomber, I couldnt take one more shot

I cant remember if I cried, when I crashed into the calamari But something touched my bomber inside, no Nadiri antenna on-sight

So, TIE, TIE, my superior TIE Flew my Bomber to resupply, but the supply was dry

Them good old Hammeroids were flying so high Singing, “This’ll be the day that I fly, this’ll be the day that I fly”

Did you fly in the Zavian Abyss And do you have faith in Goliaths, when dumbfiring them so?

Do you believe in shock and awe, can shunting save your bomber’s hull And can you teach me how to drift real slow?

Well, I know how to multi-drift Cause I saw Fencer’s youtube clip

We both boosted off our shunts Man, I dig those golos and torps

I am an EH pilot shunting left’n’right With a TIE Bomber lagging so hard And I knew I was out of luck, when I shunt-lagged to a rock

I chose to fly, TIE, TIE, my superior TIE Flew my Bomber to resupply, but the supply was dry

Them good old Hammeroids were flying so high Singing, “This’ll be the day that I fly, this’ll be the day that I fly”

Now for eighteen days we’ve been RtFing hard, And no-one’s been sleeping much But that’s not how it used to be

When summer came, we all went to the sea In a shuttle flown by the Ewok beast And the shot that came from Gyth was a hit

Oh and while Wolve was sleeping around We tricked him to fly into fleet-battle The Blackranger was all smiles, tailoring was his thing

And while Wookiee picked to fly a B-Wing Xye just flexed his abs And Tay took a blasburst TIE, the day we flew all night

We chose to fly, TIE TIE my superior TIE Flew my Bomber to resupply, but the supply was dry

Them good old Hammeroids were flying so high Singing, “This’ll be the day that I fly, this’ll be the day that I fly”

Damn the lyrics of this song really swell, They are so long I really don’t know Eight pages long and scrolling fast

Phoenix nine-fingers is the brass The pilots shot at him once For ingesting a shaker in his pants

Now the flight-time was overdue While the engines hummed and puffed true We all got up to fly, oh, and we always have a blast

Cause our opponents tried to take the flip The Hammeroids refused to yield We took the AI groups again, the bar was rising high

We chose to fly, TIE TIE my superior TIE Flew my Bomber to resupply, but the supply was dry

Them good old Hammeroids were flying so high Singing, “This’ll be the day that I fly, this’ll be the day that I fly”

Oh and there we were all in one place Hammer pilots spawning ready, with no time to reach the front again

So come on, Wolve be nimble, Gyth be quick Ranger threw a dumbfire squid Cause, Wookie is supplying all the heat

Oh and as I flew towards the shield, My farts had spread like bursts of sage No Witcher ramming them, could wreak havoc in them

And as the flames climbed high into the night Engulfing the cruiser tight

I saw Xye laughing with delight, as Tay smelled my TIE

We chose to fly, TIE TIE my superior TIE Flew my Bomber to resupply, but the supply was dry

Them good old Hammeroids were flying so high Singing, “This’ll be the day that I fly, this’ll be the day that I fly”

I met Howler who shot the torps And I asked him for a Prophet’s cause But he just smiled and flew away

I went crashing hard to the Yavin Clouds As I was looking for those missing torps But the clouds kept me there for a while

And in Nadiri, the pilots scrimmed, The seals cried, longing for another team But not a word was spoken, the voice comms all were broken

And the three auxs I desire most The beacon, torp and the ion roast, They got banned by the host, the day we chose to fly

We chose to fly, TIE TIE my superior TIE Flew my Bomber to resupply, but the supply was dry

Them good old Hammeroids were flying so high Singing, “This’ll be the day that I fly, this’ll be the day that I fly”

We chose to fly, TIE TIE my superior TIE Flew my Bomber to resupply, but the supply was dry

Them good old Hammeroids were flying so high Singing, “This’ll be the day that I fly"

Closing Comments

If you have any ideas or proposals, regarding, art, fiction, lore, role-play or a run-on based activity, feel free to reach out to me. I would be more than interested to hear you out and explore things further! The immaculate Ward Patch was created by Robert Hogan.

s