This just in from the newswire - TIE Corps-wide barmaids have announced the formation of a union and an immediate strike in hopes of gaining better working conditions. Barwomyn Local 4978 have included in their list of demands the right to no longer be forced to bend at the waist to pick items off the floor, the right to have a name other than 'Ginger', and the right to not have to listen to drunken tales of Rebel arse-whoopings. Until cantina management has settled the dispute, the emergency need for barmaids is being filled by bald, pot-bellied M/FRG Phoenix reservists in fishnets and aprons. More on this crisis as it develops.
-Stuff That You'd Normally Hear from Dan Rather on Your TV Set at Home if They Broadcasted Fictionalized News about Wing II Except Much More Interesting and Related to You by a Far Younger and Dashing Individual Dressed in Fuschia-
- Wing II has a new MB! That's right, say farewell to pop-up banners and boardhost, and say hello to the sleek, streamlined communications module of the future, the, uh, Wing II MB! Mosey your mice on o'er to http://www.tiecorps.org/mb/view.asp?b=72&v=2&s=0, dig the color scheme, and post!
- One week left for the first round of Wing II: Arena! If you haven't started, pop TC-116 into your TIE folder and get flying! The top pilot from each squad will advance to the second phase of the competition in a grand melee against each other, and, at the end of the month, the Champions of the Ring will be announced!
- And, behold, the Wing II Pilot League's second season began! CM Algaron announced everyone's favorite competition's return earlier today...Division I placements have already been assigned, but Division II is still wide open. All those wanting to participate and who haven't already been assigned to a Division should fly F-TIE 157, 'Crammed with Walnuts' (mmm...walnuts :P). Keep your eye out on a duel between El Frodge and the Roastlet to see who moves to Division I and who falls to Division II! ::: cackling ::: :P The deadline is the 27th of August, with the real competition starting Sept. 2nd.
- Ford's pleased to note the Wing's numbers rising to 44 strong...way to recruit, guys! Plans are already being sketched for the re-opening of the famed Rho Squadron. Ford would like to see all squadrons up to 7 pilots, but with Sin and Psi at 6, it looks like we have a good chance of that happening soon...stay tuned for more details.
- A few promotions this week, most notably that of Sin's LCM John Doe to full Commander!
- LT Strahd Pendragon has transferred back to Sin Squadron! w00t!
- A new competition on the horizon! HA Astatine announced both a Daedelus motto comp and an essay comp...more details in the Wing Orders section!
- About a week left in t he ThetaSin vs. Kappa competition...who will be triumphant? The combined insanity of ThetaSin, or the drunkenness of Kappa? The suspense is unbearable! :P
- Theta's CM Carl Lost transfers to Psi Squadron to take up the position of Three Flight FL, previously held by such notables as CM Priyum Patel, CM Vlade, LCM Inkwolf and the current squadron CMDR, CPT Jon Doyle...no pressure, Carl ;P
- Kappa's CM Algaron turns 25! Current bets are he'll be 26 before his birthday hangover goes away.
- Sigma's MAJ Todbringer remains on leave, with CM Koriel acting as temporary CMDR.
-Wing Orders-
- Fly TC-116 for the Arena!
- Fly F-TIE 157 for the W2PL!
- Is your ship / wing / squadron the best? From HA Astatine:
Soon, the Training Office will begin a regular mailing to Daedalus cadets, informing them about the TC, events within it, tips for training and
profiles on TIE Corps ships, wings and squadrons. The best three of each of these areas will be selected for the first 3 issues of the mailing.
Q. So, what do we do?
A. Write a short explanation as to why your ship, wing or squadron should be selected. Criteria used will include quality of writing, supporting
evidence and if your submission is funny (or not).
Q. How do we submit it?
A. Send your submission to shameless@imperialacademy.org. Your submission should have the subject line of "Shameless Promotion
Competition - Division - Name", where Division is either Ship, Wing or Squadron and Name is the name of your ship/wing/squadron (ie. an
Alpha squadron entry would have "Shameless Promotion Competition - Squadron - Alpha" . The body of the submission must start with "I
think my ship/wing/squadron is the best because...", then your explanation. Lastly, include your ID Line. Submissions without your ID Line,
without a correct subject line or body will be deleted.
Q. What do I get if my masterpiece wins?
A. First placer in each division (ship, wing, squadron) gets an Iron Star-Platinum Ribbon. Second placer gets a Gold Ribbon, while third gets a
Silver. The first placing entries will be used in the first mailing, second placer in the second mailing and third in the third mailing.
Q. How long do I have to do this by?
A. Entries close on 27th August 2001 (that's a Monday). The winners will be selected during the week and notified. Results will be posted on
the TO site, TC news and in the next TO report.
Since Wing II is obviously the best wing in the TIE Corps, Ford expects to see loads o' entries from us! And, of course, we should win the best ship, best wing, and best squadron awards hands down >:P Good luck!
- Someone wanna make Ford a uniform? Dust bunnies have made a vicious assault on the old one... :P
-Scintillating Students, Shiny Stuff and People Moving-
- LT Strahd Pendragon transfers back to Sin!
- SL Slyer has been promoted to Lieutenant!
- SL Min has been promoted to Lieutenant!
- LCM John Doe has been promoted to Commander!
- LT Maverick has passed IWATS CBX!
- LT Min has passed IWATS CBX!
- LT Min has passed IWATS SM/2!
Good to see some IWATS grads this weeks...though no TIE Tactics grads...grrr >:P
-Misc. / Fleet News-
- EH.org was updated, RO and SO were promoted to Fleet Admiral, IWCOM was promoted to VA.
- Congrats to VA Khadgar of the ISD Greywolf and COL Proton of Wing V! Woo, Proton! :P
- In addition to the Shameless Promotion comp, HA Astatine is also running a Daedelus motto comp...check out http://www.imperialacademy.org/comps/daedalusmotto/ for more details.
- Imp Storm news, from FA Priy:
As you may or may not know, due to a variety of reasons, the Imperial Storm battles scheduled for last Thursday did not
take place. So, they've been arranged for this Wednesday, 15th August @ 11PM GMT / 6PM EST in the channel
#project_faithful. For more information on the battle, please go here.
- Episode II title is Attack of the Clones.
...
- The TAC's pet sloth was reportedly killed in an unfortunate cusinart accident early last week. After setting fire to his home and office in despair, FA StarLion has repeatedly rejected any attempts at counseling and is currently so depressed that he can barely approve BSFs. This should explain any slowdown in operation of the Tactical Office.
-Notable Quotes-
Attack of the Clones? Sounds like a low budget horror film.
Other titles which could have been better but still suck:
Attack of the Identical Twins, twins, twins etc..
Hey Didn't I Just See You? Attack!
Attack of the Ctrl-C then Ctrl-V Soldiers
The weird thing is that we will all see it. :p
-- LC Stele Pellaeon with some thoughts about the new Episode II title :P
What?!! Tempest would like him? Bah! Next you'll be
saying that the minifords are cute cuddly fellows!
-- LCM Tempest refuses to show affection to Jar-Jar
(They're perfectly cute and cuddly! They are, after all, Mini*Ford*s :P) - Ed.
Hey, I liked Jar Jar.... I meant I thought he tasted good!
-- LCM Fatboy, 'Emeril' viewer.
I meant when you first joined up. Before you turned
into Satan incarnate
-- LCM Xris Rawle divulges his theory of LCM Fatboy's true identity.
Congrats Algy.
When you wake up the next day just remeber my saying.
"If you can't remember what you did, you had a good time"
-- LCM Tim wishes CM Algaron a happy birthday.
All of you report to Algaron's quarters with some shaving cream, female underwear, a stuffed owl, and some midget girls, as we are gonna "say" happy birhthday to him ;)
-- LC Astarosta prepares for a Kappa-style birthday party :P
happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you...happy birthday dear Algy,
happy birthday to you!
*Roasyt brings the huge cake and a female hutt stripper comes out aand does
a heavy lapdance on Algaron*
-- More Kappa birthday rituals :P
hmmm...first hack to the Kappa Report...sweet...hackers in Kappa...
*Roasty pictures Angelina Jolie (star of the movie Hackers...see it if you
feel like seeing a reality show or some crap like that...you must avoid
those thingees at even the cost of a cheesy movie)*
mmm...Angelina...mmm...lips...mmm
*Roasty runs horrified to schedule a month of therapy when Angelina's face
suddenly morphs into Sauron's*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
:p
-- LC Astarosta gets a rude awakening from his daydreams.
Chocolate and TIE Tactics are good! Though not necessarily is it advised that the two be fused together.
WC-PROF/COL Ford Prefect/Wing II/SSSD Sovereign
[ISMx19][PCx3][BS][SS][GS][OV][MOC - SoCx9-BoCx4-PoCx5-GoCx2][CoB][CoLx2][GALL][LoAx2][IWATS-SM 1/2-IIC-1/2-mIRC 1/2-CBX-VBS-ICQ-RT]
[EDE]
Professor of TIE Tactics (www.imperialacademy.org/tietactics)