CPT Daisuke Airyu, reporting in for the week of 5/12-5/18, 2001
THIS WEEK'S GRUDGE MATCH
Not having a grudge match ready
VS
Stealing one from gamespy
Airyu: Fine, if you guys are still mad at me from last week's lack of a grudge match, go on and yell.
*cricket noises*
Serovich: I don't think anyone really gives a damn.
Airyu: Shut up! Now, let's examine the alternatives I had. Aside from not doing a grudge match, there was only one thing I could've done.
Serovich: Hide?
Airyu: That's it. You just made an ass out of yourself for the last time in this grudge match. No more lines for you. The only other option I had was to go the way of Kessler, and blatantly steal one from Gamespy, making everyone think he was a creative genius. Now, unless it involves large sums of money, I consider theft to be very morally wrong. As do my penguins. Had I stooped to the despicable level of Colonel Kessler, I would have been-
Kessler: Hey, Airyu. You mention my name?
Airyu: What the--- Dammit Kess, this is MY SHOW!!! GET OUT!!! You just keep popping up out of nowhere, and these little cameos are ruining my image! Just look, three of my hairs are out of place!
Kessler: Er-
Airyu: *bludgeons Kess with his lightmallet* Now, then. Had I stolen a Gamespy grudgematch, my swarms of penguins would have mauled me into submission, both of their own accord, as well as with cease and desist orders from Gamespy's lawyers. So there.
MORAL: Who the hell let Kess into my studio again?!
---------------------------
FLEET NEWS
---------------------------
BIG FLAG CHANGES
Avenger Wing I (Wing XVIII now) WC Shadowhawk has been promoted to COL. Major Zippy Hawk (Fraggle Hawk for us old-school Avengerishes) has been appointed WC of Wing XV. VA Adrenaline has been appointed as the new BGCOM, with RA Dras Hempor succeeding her as COM of the Immoral.
ISD SUBJUGATOR AND WING XX OPEN
Major props go to VA Firefox for drawing in enough pilots to the two Avengerian wings, and opening up the new ship. However, the squad names for the Wing XX squads are a little bit... lacking.
IMPERIAL VOGUE #1 RELEASED
Yay Mai.. Go to http://www.darklord.ukshells.co.uk/mairin/vogue/index.html to see ^__^
NEWSLETTER 74 RELEASED
Doot doot doo, not as big as last month's, but it has a really cool fiction by Locke. GO READ IT! http://absolutek.com/nl74
CEHR.NET RADIO
LCM Richlet helped open this, yay to him. Go listen at http://squadron.org:8000/listen.pls Send all comments to io@absolutek.com.
---------------------------
CHAL NEWS
---------------------------
COFO TO REDESIGN ISDCHALLENGE.ORG
Wheee. Email him if you want to help.
COL MAIRIN ASTORIS NEW TORNADO CMDR
I'm running out of ways to say yay. Drinks are permanently on her :P
LOCKE, MAIRIN AWARDED BRONZE STARS
They got nominated for BGCOM's CMDR and Pilot of the month, respectively, before Jarak resigned.
----------------------------------------
TYPHOON HAPPENINGS
----------------------------------------
YUTZKA PROMOTED
Lieutenant Commander Yutzka Serovich returned to his quarters, deep in the heart of Typhoon country. He pulled off his duty boots quickly and tossed them into the corner of the small room, then unbuttoned his shirt. After a long day of doing whatever he had been doing, he was ready to kick back, relax, have a drink, and then go get smashed in the cantina. Accustomed to his usual tradition, he entered the bathroom and opened up the medicine cabinet. Pushing aside cans of spray deodorant and shaving cream, he found his entire stash (all twelve bottles) of chiss brandy missing.
Yutzka staggered backward a few steps, slamming into the wall. Rubbing the back of his head to soothe the pain (somewhat), he looked again. In the place of the bottles, there was a note, which he took out and read aloud. "If you ever want to see your precious brandy again, transfer 250 credits to the following account number: 466223. And you'd better not be reading this aloud." Yutzka raised his eyebrow. "Only 250? There's gotta be some catch... but I want my alcohol back!" He exited the bathroom and walked to the computer panel on the wall. "Let's see... transfer funds... 2.. 5.. 0... to..." Yutzka trailed off and entered the account number indicated.
He lay down on his bed and thought to himself. "I wonder... how soon I'll get it back." He folded his arms behind his head, on top of the pillow
Across the ship, in Intel's little alcove, Captain Daisuke Airyu leaned over a bank of monitors. "And what does that mean?" He pointed to a flashing light.
"That means that your friend has set off the routine you wanted done."
"Hehehe..."
Several minutes passed.
Yutzka was still lying on his bed when he heard a rumbling noise from outside his room. At first, he assumed it was just the Challenge powering up her engines. But then he realized it was something far more serious than that. He didn't even have a chance to react as the door flew open and the stampede of penguins flooded his room. Up onto their shoulders went the bed, Yutzka and all. "Bloody hell, this is getting OLD, Airyu!"
The train of penguins flew through the halls at lightning speed for several minutes. They at last came to a sudden halt, causing the bed and Yutzka to go flying through the air. Completely unprepared, Yutzka hit the floor with a dull metallic thump. The bed skidded forward and slammed into Yutzka's head, knocking him unconscious.
Several minutes passed.
Yutzka slowly regained consciousness and looked up. He was in the hallway, but how? Oh yeah, one of Airyu's damn penguin things again. He managed to pull himself to his feet, steadying himself with the frame of his bed. Suddenly, several bottles glinted in the hallway's lighting. Relieved at their safety, Yutzka rushed over to them. He noticed something floating in the bottom of one.
"What the hell," he exclaimed as he rapidly unscrewed the cap and looked in from the top. He could see that it was metallic, with four blue insignia and two red on it. "How the hell did he get that in there!?" Yutzka looked at the label on the bottle, which read HAPPY PROMOTION. "Son of a bitch." He read a little closer, at the fine print. THIS IS THE BEST STUFF YOU'LL FIND ANYWHERE. I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND YOU SMASH THE BOTTLE UNLESS YOU DRINK IT ALL FIRST. AND THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET YOUR NEW INSIGNIA OUT.
"Surprise," shouted Airyu from behind him. Yutzka spun around with the bottle, to see his entire squadron assembled in the hallway. The bed was now gone, replaced with five grinning pilots. "Still impatient about getting that promotion?"
"You bet I am," cackled Yutzka as he lifted the bottle to his lips.
Several hours later in the cantina, an infinitely inebriated Yutzka finished the last of the alcohol and passed out on the bar, knocking the bottle to the ground, where it shattered. Airyu, with him the whole time, patted him on the back and picked up the CM bars (without bending over, mind you). "Congratulations, Commander."
XEROX AWARDED SILVER STAR
For his work in representing the EH at JediCon with COL Callista, LCM Xeraan has been awarded a Silver Star. Gratz!
Promotions:
LCM Yutzka Serovich ----> CM
Awards:
LCM Xeraan - Silver Star
CM Yutzka Serovich - Imperial Security Medal
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ONE OF THESE DAYS, THIS IS GOING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE
(More commonly referred to as "orders")
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PROFILES
CM Yutzka Serovich needs you guys to make up profiles for yourselves for the squadron page. Make them funny, do some stupid stuff. It's not supposed to be INPR-type material. And if possible, submit some sort of picture of yourself.
BOB VERSUS FRED WARS
I am running a competition. Make a script for a Bob Versus Fred War, and.. uh... yeah! Winner gets an IS-SR, runner-up gets an IS-BR. Submissions are due to me by June 1.
WING X TRIVIA
MAJ Beef is running it, go participate in it now! :p
WING X WEBHUNT
CPT Crovax is running it off of his site. Full details can be found at http://crowd.to/webhunt
OPERATION AQUITANE
We'll be taking on the Star Vipers. I'm expecting 100% participation... when we finally find out the competition specifics.
SKOOL IS GUD
There are loads of IWATS courses available to take, fail, retake, fail again, and retake (and possibly squeak by with a 60%) again and again, to your heart's content. Go forth and gain knowledge, my minions!!! And take the graphics exam :P
STANDING ORDERS THAT REALLY AREN'T THAT STANDING, BUT RATHER IN A NON-RECLINING POSITION
-All pilots pass IWATS IIC/1 and M/1
-All FLs pass IIC/2 and M/2
-All FLs pass SM/2 with at least a 90%
------------------------
ACTIVITY
-----------------------
CMDR/CPT Daisuke Airyu
Passed IWATS-XTT, VBS
Began recruitment push w/ CT Dex Katama
Got Bob Versus Fred Wars competition approved
FM/LCM Xeraan
Awarded SS
Participated in webhunt
Flew TC-TIE 106, 141, 142, 149, 163
Achieved FCHG rank of Fusilier, awarded ISM
FM/LCM Talon Drear
Seen on IRC
FL/LCM Richlet
Seen on IRC and AIM
Helped launch new EH radio station, CEHR
FL/LCM Yutzka Serovich
Seen on IRC, AIM constantly
Promoted to CM
Achieved FCHG rank of Dragoon, awarded ISM
Flew FREE-TIE 149, TC-TIE 2, 3, 137
Updated squadron page
FM/CM Elwood the Brave
ON LEAVE
------------------------
ROSTER
-----------------------
TYPHOON SQUADRON: VIP Escort
NICKNAME: The Storm From Hell
BANNER: http://www.tiecorps.org/images/banners/typhoon.jpg
MOTTO: "We will fly the winds of DEATH!!"
HOMEPAGE: http://www.isdchallenge.org/typhoon
MESSAGE BOARD: http://sitepowerup.com/mb/view.asp?boardid=123799
FLIGHT I - TIE DEFENDER
1) CM Daisuke Airyu (airyu@isdchallenge.org)
2) LCM Xeraan (xeraan@isdchallenge.org)
3) LCM Talon Drear (wouterson@wanadoo.nl)
4) TBA
FLIGHT II - MISSILE BOAT
1) LCM Richlet (richlet@yahoo.ca)
2) TBA
3) TBA
4) TBA
FLIGHT III - TIE ADVANCED
1) LCM Yutzka Serovich (chris_bishop417@yahoo.com)
2) TBA
3) TBA
4) CM Elwood the Brave (markus.friebis@gmx.de)
Captain Airyu PIN #3552
====================================================
CMDR/CPT Daisuke Airyu/Typhoon/Wing X/ISD Challenge {LGNR}
DOC/LT Daisuke Airyu/TC-BG/ISD Challenge {DOC}
Professor of IWATS Graphics (www.imperialacademy.org/graphics)
PCx2/ISMx6/LoC-PSx34/DFCx2/IS-BR/CoB/OV {IWATS-GFX-IIC/2-M/2-SM/2-TT-ICQ-XTT-VBS}
"YOU GET TO BURNING!!!!!!" "No, Locke, I don't." -CPT Locke, on one of about several hundred such occasions this week... and me.