Description/Remarks: A story about the time when Solohan50 infected the Emperor's Hammer and turned everyone into an ewok. Opening crawl here: https://vimeo.com/705992845 Companion image: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/702985458614927480/972712068530724954/unknown.png
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A full month as gone by, the war rages on. The TIE Corps has seen many great
battles over such a short span of time. They’ve trained endlessly for this, flying
and dominating all throughout space. The fleet returns from their recent large
scale battle at Lao‐Mon, and the War Commodores prepare their pilots for the
next and final battle.
VA Phoenix Berkana, VA Silwar Nahilo, VA Marenta Jean, and COL Genie meet
together in the war room to go over the latest battle reports. Silwar looks over
the recent report of ships lost across the Challenge’s fleet.
“Well, we fought valiantly, no major casualties and nothing the Empire can’t
recover from. We only lost one platform and it’s... Oh... oh no…” Silwar pinches
the bridge of his nose and signs slowly.
“What’s wrong Admiral? It can’t be that bad, I mean, the Hammer lost a large
number of our Assault Frigates, and you said it yourself that you’ve lost but one
platform” questions Genie.
“Yeah! What’s one platform when we lost several of our Victory Star Destroyers
and Defender squadrons?!” exclaims Marenta.
“You don’t understand, we lost the Chalquilla Distillery!!” Silwar bursts out in
rage.
The room falls silent before Phoenix clears his throat. “On the bright side Admiral,
it seems your pilots managed to save the recent most batch of Chalquilla, so not
all is lost.
Phoenix then turns to Genie. However, Colonel, I do have news to report
regarding one of your pilots. It seems CPT Solohan50 has been transferred to the
Hammer’s infirmary, from what I’ve read from this report, he has fallen ill and is
currently under observation.”
Genie looks at Phoenix with great confusion. “How could this happen? All of our
pilots go through a vigorous health screening before they’re cleared for battle.
How is he sick, he had a clean bill of health?”
“Well, that’s the thing Colonel, he was indeed healthy before leaving for Lao‐Mon
but we’re not quite sure what happened, just keep an eye on the little guy. God
knows we can’t afford to have a sick ewok running around the place!”
Unbeknownst to the crew, Solohan decided to take a quick little detour while the
skirmish at Lao‐Mon occurred and lands top side for a quick rest. A field of snowy
colorful flowers is found around him near his landing site. “Ee chee wa maa! –
Wow! These are pretty” Solohan exclaims as he sniffs the cold flowers and
promptly goes into a sneezing fit. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to shirk my
duties and come down here. First the cold now these strange smelling flowers, I
better head back before I get into trouble. Solohan climbs back into his custom
ship fit for an ewok and returns to the Hammer, constantly sneezing back to base.
Genie visits Solohan in the Infirmary
“Captain Solohan! Admiral Phoenix tells me you’re sick. What’s going on man?
You never get sick, I’ve known you for a very long time and never once have you
been sick on my watch.” Genie looks down at the Solohan as he rests in the
hospital bed, he notices the Captain’s nose is draining an absurd amount of snot.
“Man, you gotta pull yourself together, here take this tissue.” Genie reaches for a
tissue from the tissue box and hand it to Solohan. Suddenly, Solohan lunges at
Genie’s wrist and bites down.
“OW! Are you out of your mind?! Did you just bite me?” Genie yells.
As Genie recoils from the shock of being bitten, Solohan leaps out of bed and
sprints out of the infirmary and down the hall. “Solohan where are you going?!
You can’t be running around while sick! This dang ewok, always up to something.
Genie radio’s to the crew to report an ewok on the loose. “Attention, Solohan has
escaped the infirmary wing, be on the lookout for a furry little critter running
around and bring him back to his bed, however proceed with caution. The little
guy just chomped down on my wrist for no reason”.
Shortly after the radio transmission, Genie starts to feel unwell. “What is wrong
with this guy? Anyway, I’ve got plenty to worry about, someone else can wrangle
him up. I’m starting to get a headache anyway, I better go lie down myself.”
Genie retires to the Lambda quarters and turns in for the night along with the
other Lambda crew.
Later that night…
Genie tosses and turns in his bunk, violently shaking in cold sweat. “Hnghhhh,
hrrrrghh!!” Genie clutches his chest and falls out of bed. His body convulsing on
the floor, when suddenly he transforms into an ewok! His furry little blue body
gets up off the floor and sprints towards Lieutenant Wolve’s bunk.
“Hey, what’s that thing?! OWW!!” exclaimed a groggy Wolve. Genie bites Wolve
and then sprints to Lieutenant Merlin’s bunk, and then to Captain
DemwookieeCheeks bunk and also bites them too. Just as quickly as Genie
transformed, so did Wolve Wookiee, and Merlin.
The remaining lambda pilots barricade the doors and hunker down to avoid also
being bit. The four ewoks climb into the vents and make their way to the other
squadron’s rooms.
Merlin and Wookiee slip into Beta’s room and bites ElleOhh, Xye, KeblaOmega,
and Wildfire
Wolve shimmies into the tailor’s office and bites TheBlackxRanger
In the dead of night, all the newly transformed ewoks, including Solohan, make
their way into the hangar and sneak aboard shuttles that are scheduled for
departures to the various ships of the TIE Corps fleet. Before long, the ewoks bite
and infect crew throughout the ships, sparing no pilot, even the admirals and
commanders.
Meanwhile, Captain Xylo Pethtel and Admiral Miles Prower were having a
meeting discussing combat operations in Mile’s office aboard the Aggressor.
“So, that’s my idea of a morale building exercise we can have for the fleet. What
do you think Admiral?” asks Xylo. “I’ll add that idea to the list, you’re a great asset
to the team Captain, let’s discuss these plans in detail next week but for now let’s
crack open this bottle of chalquilla to celebrate. To the empire!” Miles cheers. “To
the Empire!” Xylo cheers back as they slam the dark green drink. “So, have I ever
told you the story about my blue friend? He’s pretty fast and…“ Miles is
interrupted as alarms begin to go off.
ALERT – UNKNOWN INTRUDERS HAVE MADE THEIR WAY ABOARD – SEAL ALL
DOORS AND EXITS
“Sir?! What is going on??” yells Xylo. “I have no idea but let’s get these doors
secured, we don’t have much time, quickly grab that handle” demands Miles. Xylo
runs to the door but it’s too late, a swarm of ewoks enters the room and tackles
Xylo to the floor.
“Get these dang ewoks off me! Who let these things onto the ship!? Miles help
me!!” exclaims Xylo not before he passes out from the attack. Miles is then
attacked by the swarm of ewoks, the ewoks furiously bite Miles to no avail, and
they cannot penetrate his droid body. Miles grabs the ewoks one by one and
throws them out the door, promptly sealing the room and rushes to Xylo’s side.
Xylo’s body violently convulsing as he turns into an ewok, however, just as quickly
as he transforms, he reverts back to his normal self.
“hnghh, ughh…what’s going..on..” Xylo mutters. “I have no clue Xylo but it looked
like you turned into a purple ewok for a brief moment. We need to get to a more
secure location, let me radio the Commodores and see what’s going on.” Miles
reaches for his comlink, “This is Admiral Miles Prower, I need a status report,
what is going on?” Miles waits for a response however coms are dead silent. “I
repeat this is Miles. Prower. We were attacked by a group of ewoks, is anyone
there?”
“Sir, I think it might just be us for the time being, we need to get out of here”.
“You’re right Xylo, this ship has been compromised, quickly, we need to get to my
shuttle. In the event of situation like this, theres protocol for safe haven. Let me
try Admiral Pickled Yoda in the Science offices, hopefully he’s alright. “Admiral
Yoda, are you there??” Miles blurts out hurriedly.
“This is Admiral Yoda, what going on? Is everything alright?” “No Sir, it seems
we’re running rampant with ewoks! Xylo was bitten and he transformed into an
ewok but for a brief moment before reverting back to himself.”
“Well, in all my years in the science office, I’ve never heard a tale quite like that.
Are you able to make your way to my quarters? Everything seems normal on this
end, if you can make it here in one piece we can get to the bottom of this”
explained Yoda.
“Alright Xylo, we’re going to fight our way to Yoda, are you ready?” “Yes Sir!”
salutes Xylo. “Alright, follow me”.
Xylo and Miles rush through the corridors of the ship, they sneak past ewoks at
every turn, watching in horror as pilot after pilot is transformed into an ewok.
“Sir, we have to help them! We can’t just ignore what’s going on” exclaims Xylo.
“Not now Captain, we’ll help them soon enough, but we need to understand why
these pilots are transforming into ewoks. “It’s like the apocalypse is happening
right before our very eyes” said Miles. “An ewokalypse, if you will, Sir” “Now’s not
the time for jokes Captain! We’re almost to the Science office, hopefully Admiral
Yoda is safe.”
Xylo and Miles arrive at the Science Office door and radio Yoda via comlink.
“Admiral, we’re outside the door, let us in!” “Are you alone? Did any of those
bloody ewoks follow you?” “No, it’s just us, please let us in!!” yelled Xylo. “Alright
hurry, get inside, I’ll see the doors” told Yoda.
Xylo pants as he tries to catch his breath, Miles approaches Yoda to explain the
situation. “Alright, here’s what we know. It seems a group of ewoks made their
way onto the fleet and is infecting our crew via bite. The pilots are transforming
into ewoks and our dear Xylo here also was bitten, but for some reason he
reverted back to his regular self shortly after”.
“That’s indeed a unique situation, one I’ve never seen before. Xylo, have a seat. I
want to run some blood tests to see why you’re not suffering the same fate as the
others.” Yoda grabs his kits and takes blood samples from Xylo’s arm, he
processes the blood samples in a machine while asking Xylo a few questions.
“Have you had anything to eat or drink within the last 24 hours?”
“Well, let’s see. I haven’t been paid my weekly credits yet so I’ve been eating
nothing but steamed zucchinis the last week. Oh! I also had celebratory shots of
Chalquilla with the Admiral here right before this happened, but that’s about it”.
“Zucchinis and Chalquilla…that’s a strange combination for sure. Not exactly the
best regiment for our pilots, especially during Imperial Storm”. “Huh, that’s
strange…” Yoda looks into the microscope to examine the blood samples”. “It
seems your blood has been infected with a virus. This virus is combining with the
nutrients and alcohol from that zucchini and chalquilla cocktail of yours which
seems to be killing this virus which gives me an idea.”
“Miles, I need you to do me a favor. Go back out there and get me one of those
ewoks, bring it back and we’ll cage it up. I want to run some experiments.” “Hold
on a second, you want me to go back out there? Where the ewoks are? We’re
perfectly safe here!” shouted Miles.
“The way I see it Admiral is this, you must have been also bitten by those ewoks
judging by the holes in your uniform. I see no issue with you going out at there as
it seems you’re immune, what with you being a droid and all. So hurry, go quickly
and get our specimen. Oh, before I forget, I want you to also bring back zucchinis
from the mess hall, I have some chalquilla tucked away here. I was saving this
batch for a special occasion, but now is good a time as any.”
Miles salutes to Yoda and exits the room, Yoda secures the door once more.
Meanwhile, Yoda grabs a cage from the storage area and sets it upon the table.
“When Miles comes back, we’re gonna put the furry creature here. If my
hypothesis is right, the combination of the zucchini and chalquilla might be the
ticket we need to get us out of this mess. How are you holding up Captain?”
“Well sir, to be quite honest this whole thing has me shaken up pretty bad. It’s
not every day you turn into an ewok, you know?” Yoda nods in agreement.
Not before long, Miles returns with a lone ewok and a bag of zucchinis. “I
managed to subdue this blue one, he was separated from his pack. It wasn’t easy
retrieving these veggies either, those ewoks were all over the kitchen, wouldn’t
go near these though”. Miles throws the bag on the table and shoves the ewok
into the cage.
“Alright, now, I’m going to infuse the zucchini with the chalquilla. Let’s hope this
does the trick. Miles, I want you to inject this into the ewok’s arm. You’re the only
one that can do it without risk of getting bitten." “Alright, hand it over.”
Yoda hands Miles the syringe, filled with a dark green, almost jelly like fluid. “Here
goes nothing!” Miles injects the concoction into the ewoks arm, at first nothing
happens, but suddenly the ewok begins to transform back to a pilot! “What in the
world?! COLONEL GENIE?! You were an ewok??!” all three gasp loudly.
“Hnggh…what is going on, why…am I in a cage? Xylo, Yoda, Miles? What are you
guys doing here, where am I? Genie asks perplexedly. “Well, it seems this is did
the trick. Colonel, our best guess is that you were bit by another ewok. We still
don’t understand why our pilots our transforming in the first place, but we’re glad
you’re back. I’d like to run some blood tests to confirm my hypothesis. Sorry for
another jab, but your service is greatly appreciated.”
Yoda grabs another syringe and extracts some blood. “Hmm, eureka! This is it.
Alright guys, I have a plan. It’s not going to be easy at first, but we’re our only
hope to save us. This combination indeed is the cure for this virus, and it seems to
also stop future strains of this virus from coming back. Take these syringes, each
of you, find every last ewok on this ship and give them the injection. I’ll work on
making more of this cure, come back to the Science Office when you run out.”
Miles, Xylo, and Genie spread out and hunt down every last ewok, injecting them
with the cure. They let each pilot know what’s going on and as they cure pilots,
their numbers grow making the hunt easier. After a long and diligent night, they
managed to revert all pilots back to their true selves.
“Sir, I think we found them all, but this one ewok isn’t changing back to normal
after giving the injection” says Xylo. “Let me see his face, oh I know this ewok oh
too well. It’s Captain Solohan!” “You fool, weren’t you the one that bit me in the
first place, did you cause all this trouble?” “Noo Cha Eh! Pritka pritka! I have no
idea what you’re on about but you have the wrong idea! Says Solohan.
“Well at any rate, I’m glad this nightmare is over. We already have one ewok, now
we know what happens when we have a fleet full of ewoks!” says Miles as he
chuckles over how absurd of an idea that is.
“I suppose that means we’ll be having a regular dose of that zuccquilla from now
on, Solohan, we’re putting this on your tab, and it won’t be cheap!” laughs Genie.
The crew celebrate with a round of zuccquilla and put an end to the ewokalypse.