Welcome to another episode of the DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGER REPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!

With your host, Major Dan Seth "Instigator" Malaktos!

::Sappy Music::

Thank you, Bob! Well it's been quite a month, hasn't it? Of course it has! After the whole ordeal we've been through, you're probably not wondering about Admiral Jarak Altivs Maldon's life. Well I'm going to tell you about it. Later on in the show, we will test the gullibleness of TC pilots... Gullibleness?! That's not a word! Ah, well, anyway...

Jarak Altivs Maldon was born in the gutters of some planet I should remember the name to. At the tender adge of three, young Jarak ate his own toenails off. His parents knew he'd never fit in, so they sent him to the military. There, he served as Delta Squadron's(Pre-EH) target practice probe. Lucky for Maldon, their aim plainly sucked, and he escaped with only minor wounds and his manhood being cauterized.

At five, he was promoted to punching bag of the Stormtrooper Squadron, Bagpipe Squadron. All bruises and fractures during his punchingbagness in Bagpipe all emenated from his right buttock... PUNCHINGBAGNESS?! That's not a word, either!

Tired of being pushed around, seven year old Jarak ran to the Commodore's post and kicked him where the sun don't shine... under his foot. He was short, what can I say? To this, the Commodore put him in a box for three years. After the 'treatment,' which consisted of three airholes, and periodically, officers sticking their... instruments in alternating holes, Jarak was a changed ten year old. From that point on, he never cared for women, and his marriage was a political one. Of course, he never quite cared for men after that, either. And with no instrument of his own, the Maldon name would die with him.

Jarak couldn't care less. He just wanted to know how those lava lamps work. Well, I'll tell you. In the lamp is oil and water. at the bottom, the lamp heats the oil so it rises. When it reaches the top, it cools, and falls back down.

With nothing to lose or gain, Jarak enlisted in the navy at the age of seventeen(He spent seven years on a quest to find out how lava lamps work). His aim sucked. his piloting sucked. He once crashed into a space bomb. This wouldn't be so bad, except it wasn't moving. And even that wouldn't be too bad, except he wasn't moving either. This was all around the time when people thought that the Wing Commander was an uneeded position, so they figured to put him there. He did a few things right by mistake and got promoted to Commodore of the Relentless. There, a young officer by the name of Lieutenant Dan Malaktos gave him advice and did all his work. Jarak was promoted to BGCOM, and the rest is history.


FLEET NEWS:

1. Ronin Resigns? Well, LC Surefire is a great officer! Read this log:

Note: This log takes place across three fronts: #ISD_Relentless, a private query to BradTack, and #Emperor's_Hammer. To read it effectively, check the times on the far left.



#ISD Relentless
[11:00] Tacktical Officer
[11:00] yo
[11:00] Sup?
[11:00] *** `Trow has joined #isd_relentless
[11:00] nm
[11:00] u?
[11:00] same
[11:00] *** X sets mode: +v `Trow
[11:00] ......
[11:00] I'm hoping the topic of #eh is a joke
[11:01] it isn't
[11:01] * BradTack blinks
[11:01] Surefire has a record
[11:01] <`Trow> Heh.
[11:01] who the hell is surefire
[11:01] Hes just a bot
[11:01] No
[11:01] Kawol copied SF and made a bot
[11:01] Major Surefire
[11:01] ..
[11:01] <`Trow> LC SureFire actually.
[11:01] then why the hell did a major get FC? :P
[11:02] Well, now he's Grand Admiral Surefire.
[11:02] Oh wait, he was promoted to COL a few months ago...
[11:02] <`Trow> No, he's still LC.
[11:02] well he's going to be GA.
[11:02] when it goes through
[11:02] Am I gullible or did Ronin really resign?
[11:02] <`Trow> PIN# 228
[11:02] Ronin resigned.
[11:02] <`Trow> Your gullible :P
[11:02] -> *`Trow* don't blow this. it's hilarious
[11:03] No, Ronin resigned
[11:03] he's been with the Skye Rangers all his time
[11:03] <`Trow> OG course he resigned, the EH topic ain't a joke.
[11:03] ....
[11:03] he decided to settle down in a small club
[11:03] <`Trow> Of*
[11:03] -> *`trow* I'm saving this log
[11:03] -> *`trow* it's going on my WSR
[11:03] <`Trow> The Skye-Rangers, he's gone to spend more time working on them.
[11:03] it's a mech warrior club
[11:03] besides, the club runs smoothly
[11:03] I know
[11:04] I almost joined the SR a while ago
[11:04] heh
[11:04] so why is it so hard to believe?
[11:04] Damnit, I should know about this.. I knew to the exact day (almost, I thought tenth, it was ninth) that Compton would reign and K would get XO
[11:05] resign
[11:05] <`Trow> But you didn't know that Ronin was resigning did you?
[11:05] we've known for months
[11:05] it's been all over the place
[11:05] ....
[11:05] Damnit
[11:05] I need to get back into the flow, If your actually not lying to me
[11:06] Tack
[11:06] My jokes last 5 minutes
[11:06] It's been 6.
[11:06] this ones lasted 6.
[11:06] it's not a joke
[11:06] ...
[11:06] I figured K would get FC
[11:06] Why the hell did SF get it?
[11:06] Well between you and me
[11:07] This can't go anywhere
[11:07] don't leak it
[11:07] ok?
[11:07] ...sure
[11:07] SF is Kawolski's clone.
[11:07] Once SF gets FC, he controls the club.
[11:07] I would try to stop him, but, he was my first COM. His word is law
[11:07] never try to stop Kawolski
[11:07] ...
[11:07] K.. with 100% control
[11:07] <`Trow> Yup.
[11:07] How do you know its his clone?
[11:08] He told me 3 years ago
[11:08] And now Trow and DT know that dan. ;P
[11:08] <`Trow> Check the email addy :P
[11:08] <`Trow> AKawolski@aol.com :P
[11:08] <`Trow> Remind you of anything ?:P
[11:08] that too
[11:08] whats his pin again/.
[11:08] ?
[11:08] <`Trow> 228
[11:08] Bottom line is the Rel has to band together now
[11:09] Kawolski was one of our COMs
[11:09] he's going to make sure our lives are good
[11:09] So you'd better come back Tack, because he hates people who leave the Rel
[11:09] <`Trow> He's closing the Col isn't he.
[11:09] He wouldnt now
[11:10] Yeah, I heard the Imm too
[11:10] We are biggest in BGs
[11:10] He said something about changing the BGs
[11:10] making another SSD
[11:10] he doesn't like ISDs
[11:10] he's going to make the ASF an SSD too
[11:10] Kawolski is a man of action
[11:10] <`Trow> So, the plans we're arranged before, two squadron will go to the Rel, Two Sqaudrons to the Col and Two Squadrons to the Chal, its all sorted.
[11:10] .....
[11:11] Yeah, but that all changed
[11:11] He's going to split the BGs into two wings
[11:11] Wing IX will be lead by Ric
[11:11] He's demoting Andy
[11:11] he never does anything, anyway
[11:11] Well, If the Col closes... Mu hopefully will go to Rel
[11:12] then Wing X will be lead by me.
[11:12] I had a couple talks with him
[11:12] I have some new ideas
[11:12] he likes that
[11:12] <`Trow> Then i'm being moved in as CA:FC (SO i can organise this movement) :-)
[11:12] * MAJDanMal bops Trow
[11:12] sure
[11:12] <`Trow> and moderate Dan and Ric and how they run their wings.
[11:13] <`Trow> Actually, that bits a lie, just felt like saying it.
[11:13] Jarak will be COM, of course
[11:13] he deserves it
[11:13] <`Trow> I'll unfortunately have to make a choice, Dan or Ric's wing.
[11:13] So what the hell happens to all the other COMs/WCs?
[11:14] Drake/Mell/Adren/those other people are good. :)
[11:14] Heheeh
[11:14] Kawol never liked them
[11:14] neither did Jarak
[11:14] <`Trow> They're becoming COLs on the Sov :P
[11:14] they're off to the ASF
[11:14] <`Trow> Oh, the ASF now
[11:14] No, Kawol gave up on the Sov
[11:14] <`Trow> Aren't they re-opening the NC and putting them there?
[11:15] lol\
[11:15] <`Trow> Just to get them outta the way.
[11:15] Nah, Kumba just said that
[11:15] He didn't mean it
[11:15] Kawolski basically gave up on the ASF and Sov, the EH is about the BGs now
[11:16] <`Trow> So the BG Flagship is the EH Flagship.
[11:17] yeah
[11:17] So really, the Sov and ASF are screwed?
[11:17] <`Trow> When the EH Database comes up, their being removed.
[11:18] <`Trow> along with the NC.
[11:18] ......
[11:18] yeah, they're their own Subgroup
[11:18] Do you know how many people will like... rebel? or... quit? or.. join RS?
[11:18] they don't need to be in the TC
[11:18] <`Trow> Around 400-500
[11:18] They're going to be called the Auroran Home Guard... it's a revival of them
[11:18] I should warn people about this.. but I don't want to betray your trust. :P
[11:19] Remember the Auroran Home Guard?
[11:19] Oh, you weren't here
[11:19] Sov, Aggressor Wing, BG I, BG II, Auroran Home Guard
[11:19] the AHG basically all sucked
[11:19] *** `Tiger has joined #isd_relentless
[11:19] Agressor wing?
[11:20] -> *`tiger* ok, we got a joke with Tack going. play along
[11:20] <`Trow> The old name for the ASF.
[11:20] yeah
[11:20] but it was elite
[11:20] I tried to revive it
[11:20] Kawol said no
[11:20] So anyway
[11:20] When Ronin resigns and Kawolski takes his place, it's gonna be ALOT different
[11:23] <`Trow> Indeed, A Hell of alot different.


Query to BradTack
[11:12] If the col closes...
[11:12] Ask K to put Mu on the Rel. :P
[11:12] I told you, it's going to be an SSD
[11:12] oh..
[11:12] forgot
[11:15] one more thing
[11:16] oh?
[11:16] Ramos will be.. removed. Correct?
[11:16] No, It's hard to remove him... he IS doing his job... besides Kawolski just sees him as a kid. Not a threat.
[11:16] * BradTack shrugs
[11:17] I think he's getting promoted to CA:FO
[11:17] @?!
[11:22] so what else is there I don't know?
[11:22] Well I don't know if I can say the rest...
[11:23] Dan, I'm not going to tell anyone
[11:23] it affects the Col
[11:23] I just think...
[11:24] that its worngful to discrimnate with no reason.. unless he has a reason
[11:24] The Sov sucks, the ASF sucks, and the Rel is Kawol's home ship!
[11:23] it affects the Col
[11:23] what about it?
[11:23] I can't really tell you.....
[11:24] ...
[11:24] why not?
[11:24] well....
[11:25] I tried to join the Rel a bit ago. Ric wouldn't let me... :P
[11:25] and also
[11:25] Tiger is heading to the Col
[11:25] so he might spy for them
[11:26] I know about that
[11:26] Anyway, it's funny you said that
[11:26] There's an informant on the Col
[11:26] informing an allied front to take down the EH.
[11:26] ...
[11:26] So far we haven't been harmed, so Ronin hasn't taken action
[11:27] but.... Kawolski wants to make an example of him
[11:27] Unless the officer confesses, the Colossus will be... neutralized.
[11:27] .....
[11:28] * BradTack needs to get away from the Colossus
[11:28] I'm sorry you had to hear it, tack
[11:28] But right now im trying to figure out who it is
[11:28] No! That's stupid! You idiot!
[11:28] ...Why?
[11:29] If you are contacting the spy, you'll be deemed as high priority as the parasite!
[11:29] ....
[11:29] Actually, your right. :P
[11:29] That still doesn't solve my problem of getting back to the Rel
[11:29] And I don't think K likes me much
[11:29] Well....
[11:29] I told you
[11:30] you left the Rel
[11:30] hrm...
[11:30] I think I can find a way around it...
[11:30] Who's your Commodore?
[11:30] Mell?
[11:30] yep
[11:30] wait until after ECR. :P
[11:30] You need to get him to say something offensive to Ric.
[11:31] Then Ric will abolish the non-transfer pact.
[11:31] How the hell do I do that?
[11:31] What doesn't Ric like?
[11:32] um...
[11:32] insulting of his pilots
[11:32] and Ric is very proud
[11:32] All Mell has to do is say something the least bit offensive.
[11:32] and the entire Rel will rally against the Col
[11:35] Then you can come to the Rel before Kawolski begins his inquisition
[11:35] if you go when it started, he'll think it was you
[11:35] I still don't know how to get Mell to say something
[11:36] umm
[11:36] I'n not good at espionage or spying
[11:36] Tell mell something like: Ric says he hates the Col and is using the Col to stop pilots from leaving the Rel
[11:37] But if anyone found out I lied, I'd be brought to HCI
[11:37] Who's going to know?
[11:37] Me?
[11:38] i guess so
[11:42] Won't everyone on the Col hate me?
[11:42] anyways
[11:42] Everyone just pointed something out
[11:43] are you aprils fooling me?
[11:43] Me?!
[11:43] Yes, you
[11:43] Major Dan Seth "Instigator" Malaktos?!
[11:43] Yes, you.
[11:43] They're april foolsing you!
[11:43] And you BELIEVE them?!
[11:43] My infonet is SUPREME!
[11:44] Dan
[11:44] your digging a bigger hole
[11:44] And I'm now from 66% believing you to about 45%
[11:44] * MAJDanMal shakes his head
[11:44] my info net has always been the best
[11:44] think about it. Kawolski WOULD do that
[11:45] How come you didnt know when Compton was resigning
[11:45] yeah
[11:45] And I do think Sureifres his clone
[11:45] but still...
[11:45] I wouldnt have been surepriesed if, say
[11:45] surprised
[11:45] K got FC, SF got XO
[11:45] Well.. Kawolski has been my informant alot
[11:46] why would Kawol tell me about that?
[11:46] Riccys on
[11:49] anyways
[11:49] April fool's Tack.
[11:49] If your lying to me about this
[11:49] I will ignore you on mIRC all the time and block your e-mail adress. :P
[11:49] Man, it's a joke.
[11:49] I'm too gullible
[11:50] Now I don't know what to do.. I was going to make a fake biography on Jarak, but now I have this hour long log!
[11:50] and i hate tha6t\
[11:50] :P
[11:50] heeheh
[11:50] you're a good sport
[11:50] ...
[11:50] your a bastard. although I still want to transfer to the Rel sometime



#emperor's_hammer
[11:39] I wonder what it's going to be like with SureFire as FC.
[11:39] *** Zsinj has joined #emperor's_hammer
[11:39] *** X sets mode: +o Zsinj
[11:40] ...
[11:40] Yes...
[11:40] *** KAP_Mejas has joined #emperor's_hammer
[11:40] I mean... K with the iron fist.. and the new, unknown guy
[11:41] Whats that about Ronin? Is it true?
[11:41] *** Scoser has joined #emperor's_hammer
[11:41] Mejas-I'm still trying to find out
[11:41] k,
[11:41] *** Calli is now known as Cal-away
[11:42] -> *VABolitho* yell at tack in #Emperor's_Hammer. Tell him he's stupid for thinking Ronin's going to resign :P
[11:42] hmm..
[11:42] *** `Kir` has joined #emperor's_hammer
[11:42] April Fools maybe?
[11:42] hehehe
[11:42] What freakin day is it, people? >:P
[11:43] there's one born every day, huh? :P
[11:43] That's Ramos thinking that is.... good lord.... didn't you check who set the topic as well. Like Howie would know something that important. >:P


2. New Rebellion Tactics Course. For those of you who are going to make the Rebellion proud.

3. Quake... promoted...? Or demoted? We'll let you decide! Admiral Quake is taking a position as CA to the XO! Who will he have take his place? Me. yes, that's right. Rear Admiral Malaktos. Scary... isn't it? But don't worry, I'm not leaving. You're stuck with me. My clone'll take the place of Lord Ambassador. Shhhh.


WHO CARES?
New Messageboard off of http://relentless.emperorshammer.ca One of them is ours.


WING NEWS:

1. We won! We won! Na na nuh poo poo! We won the Battlegroups Competition! We managed 100% in all three phases, and we won by a landslide.

2. Andy's comp is fixed. Crap.

3. New website... www.fightingninth.org

4. New emails?

com@fightingninth.org - ISD Relentless Commodore (Vice-Adm. Andronicus)
wc@fightingninth.org - Wing IX Commander (Gen. Ricaud)
sword@fightingninth.org - Sword Squadron Commander (Maj. Ted)
dagger@fightingninth.org - Dagger Squadron Commander (Maj. Dan Malaktos)
spear@fightingninth.org - Spear Squadron Commander (Cdr. Krax Tarnisar)
hammer@fightingninth.org - Hammer Squadron Commander (Maj. Lohr Zadash)
shield@fightingninth.org - Shield Squadron Commander (Cdr. Da'emon Narshay)

If it works, it works... hrm, the possibilities...


QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

"One day Manesh is just going to burst, and he'll beat up his mom, rape some random hot chick and then steal a car and go to mexico" --Corran Horn in regards to Manesh Ramachandran Pillai's sex life.


SQUADRON NEWS:

1. Yaaaaay, we won! 100% in all three phases, I'm so proud of you! Keep on truckin'! See what we can do when we all band together? Lots of stuff, and group sex is NOT one of them.

2. Alright, I hate to cast a shower on this parade, but I have to bring this up. A certain nameless Dagger pilot has been taking the liberty of asking me when I'm doing my CMDR work constantly. For the record, my job is to tell you how to do your job. Your job is to listen to me. It's not the other way around. If you try to make it the other way around, it's not going to be fun for any of us.

3. Dagger vs. Omicron, revisited- Yep, it's baaaaack. Fly FREE TIE 1(attached). Probably due next Wednesday. Fly on hard, multiple times, 100% participation, write strategy guides and send it to dagger@egroups.com, etc...

4. Pilot of the month- That's right, I'm going to start up a pilot of the month for our squadron... And the pilot of the month for Dagger Squadron for the month of March 2001 is...

A 5 way tie!

Aragorn
Manticore
Ric Gravin
Leonid DeBastide
Rejili Holthaus!

What'd you expect?

SQUADRON STATUS:

1. Fly FREE TIE 1(attached)


Once again another week of my reporting. Phase III ended on Sat. I think most, if not everyone participated once again. Good job all. Hopefully when the smoke clears, we'll be on top. After all, we have had a big lead over the other competitors so far, that trend should keep itself up. In terms of what happens next, I really don't know. At any rate, I'll see you all next week.

FL/LCM Manticore/Dagger 2-1/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
ISMx3 [HUSS] {IWATS-M/1}
[A/GUN Honorless]
Dagger Squadron Executive Officer



PERSONAL ACHIEVMENTS:

CMDR/MAJ Dan Malaktos
3/28/01 - Set up new message board
3/31/01 - Attempted FREE TIE 100, but had technical difficulties
4/01/01 - Setting up Dagger vs. Omicron

FM/LT Aragorn
3/31/01 - Flew FREE TIE 100
3/31/01 - Flew TC-TIE 48

FL/LCM Manticore
3/31/01 - Completed FREE TIE 100

FM/CM Ric Gravin
3/31/01 - Attempted FREE TIE 100, but had technical difficulties

FL/LCM Leonid DeBastide
3/31/01 - Attempted FREE TIE 100, but was injured

FM/LCM Rejili Holthaus
3/20/01 - Sick
3/31/01 - Attempted FREE TIE 100, but had technical difficulties



Major D. S. "Instigator" Malaktos

@======{---}=======[---]============>->->->

CMDR-SR-CVROY/MAJ Dan Malaktos/Dagger/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
CVROY-WC/MAJ Dan Malaktos/Wing I/DREAD Tranquillity
DOC/LT Dan Malaktos/TC-BG/ISD Relentless
BS/PCx2/ISMx6/MoI/MoT-4gh/LoCx8/CoS/CoL/LoA/OV-3E
[GALL] {IWATS-Core IIC/1/2 mIRC/1/2 RT SM/2 TM GFX}
[T/D Hand of the Apocalypse]
[E/S Orion's Belt]
--==(*)Chief Viceroy(*)==--
{PIN 4197}

"Join the Relentless! It makes your hometown better!"