Welcome to another episode of the DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGER REPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!
With your host, Major Dan Seth "Instigator" Malaktos!
::Sappy Music::
::Lights fade on to reveal a blank set::
We regret to inform you that Dan will not be reporting inside the set. Here is a tape of his story on the Operation: Cantina Run III judging field. We will patch you in now.
::Static comes on the screen, then Dan, standing with a microphone, is in what looks like the side of an arena::
Thank you, Bob. Yes, we're on the OCR III judging grounds, and let me tell you it's quite hot right now. Fiction is being judged, and well, you have to be careful because of--
=============================left-pinky==================>
That was a flying word folks. I'm alright! Be on the look out for them! Anyway, this kind of stuff has been floating around all day--
=============================crotch======================>
YIKES! Well, anyway... Wait. I'm getting a signal. We've won it! We've won phase one! Yes! We are ahead by ten points! Ricaud has gotten first place! Wait... what's this? Darklord, Wing Commander of the Challenged, is contesting our victory! He has stated openly that we have cheated. Pilots have written submissions for other pilots. Pilots have gone on leave. More of this to come.
::Back in the studio::
Ah, it's good to be back here. Yes, we have more information on the Darklord story. After hearing the information, yours truly took the opportunity to speak to Darklord.
------flashback------(censored)
Dan>SALUTE> I hear you think the Relentless is cheating in the OCR.
Dan>It's not nice to announce that stuff in public rooms, people start spreading rumours.
Darklord> go bug someone else about it 'cause I dont give a f*ck
------flashback------(censored)
Well, this of course pissed me off. I conveyed the information to General Ricaud. After hearing this, there was a resulting FLAME war in #ISD_Challenge, where Darklord has denied all charges. After thoroughly humiliating them and their inability to get rid of pilots who don't care about their ship, all Relentless officers left the chatroom at once. Let's have a moment of silence for Darklord's integrity.
I urge you not to contact Darklord, as when you try to comprehend his lame excuses, your brain will most likely explode. We have tested this theory on a man who was diagnosed to have a disease that makes his brain explode when someone named Lee speaks. Observe:
-------test----------(censored)
Subject>So, Lee, want to get a burger?
Darklord>No, I'm against eating f*cking poultry--
::Subject's brain explodes::
-------test----------(censored)
The only casualties of this flame war were:
3 lab mice
1 Major Lohr Zadash
5 voices that live in Major Dan Malaktos' head
The remaining voices are telling me to tell you guys the news.
EH NEWS:
1. New CA:TAC... RA Troutrooper. That's right, folks. He's left being COM of the Col during the OCR to be a... CSer. Now THAT'S loyalty!
2. New Newsletter out. And yes, I didn't read this one, either! Although, I don't get it... they keep showing up. But I don't care, so why do they keep making them? Ah, well.
3. Skipping missions is bad, unless you file a bug report. Being "too hard" is not a bug.
4. Karva was promoted to FA. Told you a new person'd get promoted.
5. Jarak promoted to AD!
WHO CARES?
"Children I swear to god children scrap that BABIES" -- LT Owen
This would be a quote, but first I must understand it. What the f*ck does this mean?!
WING NEWS:
1. We got first place in Phase I of OCR! YAY! It's because of you, you know! Congrats!
Phase I Points + Bonus Points)
1st Place: ISD Relentless, (5+10) 15 Points
2nd Place: ISD Challenge, (3+2) 5 Points
3rd Place: ISD Immortal, (2+2) 4 Points
4th Place: ISD Colossus, (0+2) 2 Points
I'd venture to say if we get 100% participation again, we'd have an unsurmountable lead. Even our current lead is pretty unsurmountable. Let's cement it guys.
2. We got TCCOM's own! It's about time an FO realized numbers doesn't mean the ship is the best.
3. You all got best pilot of the month, and best Squad of the month. This is because Ricaud was too lazy to pick someone. Obviously. I mean, I got CMDR of the month. That's just not right.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"The next project for the LO will be a collaboration with the Science Office to create a gas than can go in and out of your mouth. We have preliminarilly named it 'air' but that's not official yet." -- Vice Admiral Andronicus reflecting on the LO's project to create a website with all SW movies.
SQUADRON NEWS:
1. We got Squad of the Month on the Rel... so did everyone else
2. You all got pilot of the month.... so did everyone else
3. We got 100% in Phase one. Yay :)
SQUADRON STATUS:
1. Do a graphic! Send it to me! Due March 17th
2. Keep high comms!
3. Complete battle 48 if possible
4. My little lecture for the week:
Ok, great, we got 100% activity, but we're slacking with comms. Also, with flying, on the whole since a couple months ago. You can bet if I can stay, I'm going to pick up that activity. Or, I'll engrave it in the skull of my replacement.
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Another week of the Cantina Run. First off, I congradulate you all on participating over 100% (as is normally done here at Dagger) in Phase I. Now we move on to the glorious phase II. Like Dan says, at the very least just take a few minutes to create some kind of graphic (.jpg, whatever) to Dan by the 15th. You all got some time on this one, so if you can, spend some time on it; it will probably pay off. Until next week.
FL/LCM Manticore/Dagger 2-1/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
ISMx3 [HUSS] {IWATS-M/1}
[A/GUN Honorless]
Dagger Squadron Executive Officer
PERSONAL ACHIEVMENTS:
CMDR/MAJ Dan Malaktos
3/7/01 - Submitted fiction on Squadron runon for OCR
FM/LT Aragorn
3/7/01 - Submitted fiction on Squadron runon for OCR
3/7/01 - Submitted fiction on Wing runon for OCR
FL/LCM Manticore
3/7/01 - Submitted fiction on Squadron runon for OCR
FM/CM Ric Gravin
03/04/01 - Transferred to 2-2
03/05/01 - Completed TC-TIE 6
03/06/01 - Completed TC-TIE 7
3/7/01 - Submitted fiction for OCR
FL/LCM Leonid DeBastide
3/7/01 - Submitted fiction on Squadron runon for OCR
3/7/01 - Submitted fiction on Wing runon for OCR
3/7/01 - Submitted fiction for OCR
FM/LCM Rejili Holthaus
3/7/01 - Submitted fiction on Squadron runon for OCR
Major D. S. "Instigator" Malaktos
@======{---}=======[---]============>->->->
CMDR-SR-CVROY/MAJ Dan Malaktos/Dagger/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
CVROY-WC/MAJ Dan Malaktos/Wing I/DREAD Tranquillity
BS/PCx2/ISMx6/MoI/MoT-4gh/LoCx8/CoS/CoL/LoA/OV-3E
[GALL] {IWATS-Core IIC/1/2 mIRC/1/2 RT SM/2 TM GFX}
[T/D Hand of the Apocalypse]
[E/S Orion's Belt]
--==(*)Chief Viceroy(*)==--
{PIN 4197}
"Join the Relentless! It makes your hometown better!"