Welcome to another episode of the DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGER REPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!
With your host, the only man with an ego that has been confirmed to be bigger than Lord Darth Vader's own personal Task Force... Captain Dan Seth "Instigator" Malaktos!
::Sappy music::
::Dan runs in and shuts the door tight, barely missing a mob screaming for him entering the room::
Bob>They trying to kill you again?
Dan>Nah, they stopped that.
Bill>Then what?
Dan>They like me. Too much. They want my autograph.
Bob>Ha ha ha. Really.
Dan>Really. Ever since I've been in Ricaud's Report, they've been following me.
Bill>You sure they aren't some kind of wierd assassin group? I've seen them on TV. "Aurora's Wierdest Assassin Groups Sent To Kill You In Excruciatingly Painful or Peculiar Ways." I call it AWAGSTKYIEPOP for short. It's a great show. What they do, is they find these paranoid idiots who think that they're always being tailed by an assassin group, and they always carry cam-corders. But the thing is... they aren't! Then AWAGSTKYIEPOP sends a wierd assassin group! And these idiots think that they've always been tailed! Then they kill them in wierd ways and show the video!
Dan>Awagstkee pop?
Bob>I'd like to take a moment to say he was dropped on his head when he was born.
Dan>Anyway... who's our guest?
Bill>Guest? Er.... it's Bob's turn.
Bob>No, I did it last time!
Bill>You lie!
Dan>You two idiots didn't get a guest?!
Bob>Guess not.
::Grumbling, Dan walks over to his comm panel::
Dan>Is Quake still on the ship?
Comm Officer>Yes, Captain.
Dan>Send him down, please?
Comm Officer>Sure thing.
::Dan sits in his chair, and sips on a soda::
Well, it looks like we have some waiting to do.
::Dan starts making that annoying slurping noise::
Don't you hate those fecking idiots who think they're so smart they can combine two words and call it a word? Like the word 'safeguard.' It shouldn't be a word.
::Dan extracts the straw and blows soda on the floor::
Stupid bartenders in Stardrifter. I said NO ICE. There's ice, now it's all watered down.
::The door opens and two thugs are forcing Quake in the room::
Quake>I idn't ooo it! I swear!! She saaaid she wuth eight-een!
Dan>Sit, please.
Quake>I idn't ooo it!
Dan>Sit your ass down!
::Quake sits down::
Dan>Let's see... what to ask about...
Quake>She saaaid she wuth eight-een!
Dan>Well you've established that new Advanced Guard for yourself. What's up with it? One minute I'm Alpha Consul, then I'm Alpha Magistrate, now I'm Chief Viceroy. Did you do this all today?
Quake>I idn't ooo it!
Dan>Well who did, the little elves?
Quake>Ric... he elped me.
Dan>So it's Ric's fault?
Quake>...
Dan>Want some beeeeeeeer?
Quake>Beeeeeeer?
Dan>Beeeeer.
Quake>Beeeeeeer... Ric did it.
::Dan tosses Quake a beer::
Dan>There you have it folks, Ric created all the problems in the EH.
Quake>I idn't say that...
Dan>Wanna read the news?
Quake>Neeews?
Dan>Nah, get out.
::Ewoks carry Quake out::
EH NEWS:
1. New Advanced Guard established! Ricaud is the new Magister Equitum! I'm the new Chief Viceroy! http://xwing.nu/quake/ag/index.asp
2. IO hosting back online! Our site is at: http://www.emperorshammer.ca/dagger!
3. Some Poles met :P
4. CMDR+s can upload reports. Go to dagger.squadron.tiecorps.org and click View Reports.
5. Brucmack is the first Templar, yay :)
6. Something about Germans and Star Wars.
WHO CARES?
George "Walker" Bush is President Elect. I will be holding a meeting. At the conclusion of which, I have high powered transports with skis on the bottom. All those who wish to flee to Canada may do so at the low, low price of everything you own. It's worth it.
"Wow, life without Bush is great!"--Al Gore
"I'm FREE!!!! FREE I TELL YOU! FREE!"--Dick Cheney
"This is about... what?"--Roger Ebert
"All this around Channukah? You're going to make me ferklept!"--Joe Lieberman
"Join me. Together we can rule Canada. It is your destiny. Search your feelings, you know it to be true."--Darth Vader
WING NEWS:
1. ISD Relentless Drinkathon: Coming to an IRC Chat room near you... on December 22nd, you shall crawl out of the corner of your room... button up your pants... go to the fridge, get a six-pack, and turn on... the COMPUTER?! Yes, that's right folks! The ISD Relentless Drinkathon is coming! Bring your friends! Bring your relatives! Looking for the perfect holiday gift? Send them BEER! Get drunk online, and talk about it too!
"Glass yourself a beer of pour!"--Rear Admiral Andron
"Eh, beer, eh."--Those two guys from the Miller commercial
"Get that camera OUT of my face! Don't MAKE me court martial you!"--Colonel Ricaud
The Place: #ISD_Relentless, IRC Undernet server
The Time: 11.30pm-2.30am GMT/6.30pm-9.30pm EST
The Booze: Miller Genuine Draught OR Guinness Draught
The Winner: Individual who has downed the most bottles in the alloted 3 hours
The Prize: A glowing sense of victory
2. BGAPL Update--Bart and Theo are clashing their extremely large horns :P
3. Relentless offends the BG. Who cares?! Really! We kick arse! :)
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"We're the biggest bunch of crazy mother f*ckers in the TIE Corps, and I love every minute of it!"--Lieutenant Alun Tringad
SQUADRON NEWS:
1. Some stuff happened :P Nothing important.
SQUADRON STATUS:
1. WC's Own.. you know the deal. For obvious reasons that are obvious, I cannot display our standings. I also haven't included who flew below. Take THAT Sword, Spear, Shield, and Hammer!
PERSONAL ACHIEVMENTS:
CMDR/CPT Dan Malaktos
12/12/00 - Uploaded all WSRs
12/12/00 - Wrote "Oh, Relentless!"
12/12/00 - Helped CM Ted find a suitable squadron to challenge
12/12/00 - Sent CM Ted guide on selected mission
12/16/00 - Emailed Spear in an attempt to save it from embarrassment
12/17/00 - Got CPT Kane to get IRC
12/17/00 - Appointed Chief Magistrate in the Advanced Guard
Frequented IRC
FM/LT Aragorn
Reported in
Frequented IRC
FM/LT Leonid DeBastide
Reported in
FL/LT Manticore
Deemed inactive :P CONTACT ME!
FM/LT Alun Tringad
12/11/00 - Placed as Dagger Squadron Internet Officer
FL/LT Rejili Holthaus
Reported in
FM/LT Fireball
12/12/00 - Informed of Leave until January 4th
FM/LT Matt Rust
12/14/00 - Informed of leave
12/16/00 - Filled out INPR
Frequented IRC
Captain D. S. "Instigator" Malaktos
@======{---}=======[---]============>->->->
{Chief Viceroy Dan Malaktos' personal Forcepike, Ragnarok}
CMDR-SR-CVROY/CPT Dan "Instigator" Malaktos/Dagger/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
BS/PCx2/ISMx6/MoI/MoT-4gh/CoS/OV-3E
[CAVL] {IWATS-Core IIC/1/2 mIRC/1/2 RT SM/2 TM GFX}
[T/D Hand of the Apocalypse]
[E/S Orion's Belt]
--==(*)Chief Viceroy(*)==--
{PIN 4197}