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GRUDGE MATCH
This week:
John Carmack
vs
Carmageddon
With your hosts: Kessler and CoHo
Kessler: Here's a Grudge Match first: A world-renowned game developer vs a game that revolves around vehicular homicide.
CoHo: You know, I'd say this one was all about Carmageddon coming away with the victory ('cuz vehicular homicide is a favorite hobby of mine.) However, what our readers need to know is, John Carmack drives a bitchin' Ferrari.
Kessler: Wow, this is sure gonna be a showdown. So, are Carmack and Carmageddon actually deathmatching, or are they just trying to kill the most pedestrians?
CoHo: Let's have them kill random strangers, because that, too, is a hobby of mine.
Kessler: Hmm. You know, according to the GameSpy Stats Page, there are 3500 people playing Quake 3 as I type this, 2500 playing Quake 2, and 450 playing Quake 1, games that Carmack built. If we conservatively guess that each of these players kills 100 other players in an hour long session, that translates to 645,000 homicides each hour.
CoHo: Yeah, and Quake's been out for several years...
Kessler: So if we did the mathematics that means ... hrmmm....
CoHo: Let's not do the maths and instead pull numbers from our ass.
Kessler: Right! According to my expert and painstaking calculations, John Carmack is perhaps directly responsible for over 100 billion casual homicides.
CoHo: Those are the best kind!
Kessler: Rock on John Carmack!
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Silver Star Awarded
Don't get too excited, it's got nothing to do with Tornado :P Colonel Manitsas of Inferno Squadron just got a Silver Star, and although I haven't the faintest idea what for, he deserves it because he's a cool bloke. Send him your congratulations at Manitsas@aol.com
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Crap Joke of the Week
With Fozzie the Bear - Squadron Morale Officer
Q. What's the difference between a Rebel and a trampoline?
A. You take your jackboots off to jump on a trampoline.
Wokka wokka!
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Flight III Page Online
The all-new Flight III Homepage was unveiled today at http://www.digiman.f2s.com/flight3/, courtesy of Commander Veers. The page is a little basic right now, so all members of Flight III should email Veers with suggestions as to what direction you want the Flight Page to take. The page is totally Flashed, so you'll need Shockwave or the Flash viewer plug-in to view it, but it's looking very promising :)
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More Awards!
This week I recommended Commendations of Bravery awards to our beloved Wing Commander, who promptly agreed and awarded the medals on the spot, so congratulations to Lieutenant Commanders Jerry and Di'Mathe. Now let's just take a quick look at the Squadron Roster...
Hmm....
Lieutenant Commander Miki, can I have your attention, please. Yes you, Junior! You realise you're the only pilot in the Squadron who doesn't have one? Get yourself 30 FCHG points (you have 16 at the minute) and a CoB is yours, not that I'm dropping any hints or anything. I'm not that subtle ;)
Speaking of which, here's the Squadron FCHG Round-Up:
Gladiator
Executor
Legionairre
LC Corran Horn (520)
Centurion
Paladin
COL Kessler (322)
Knight
CPT Kou-Taiki (287)
CPT Shakur (262)
Gallant
Cavalier
MAJ Aven Kronn (192)
CM Callum Veers (177)
Dragoon
CM Xyrryc (114)
CPT Fishbone (100)
Fusilier
Hussar
MAJ TopDawg (65)
LCM Jerry (55)
Lancer
LCM Kaedryl Di'Mathe (30)
Grenadier
LCM KAORU MIKI(16)
No pressure, Miki. Anytime you feel like it ;)
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Tailoring Service
Cyclone Squadron's LCM Kyle Katarn is kindly offering his services designing uniform graphics with the head of the celebrity of your choice. He's done an excellent job on my uniform - Harvey Keitel never looked so cool :) Anyone wishing a professional-looking uniform or flightsuit designed for themselves should contact LCM Katarn at Kyle.Katarn@isdchallenge.org
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The Week In Quotes
"Tornado is the BGCOM's Squadron of the Month. It is a consolation prize for losing to Typhoon by 107 points. :-)" - COL Manitsas
Oy! Enough with the 107 points thing already!
I mean, how can I be less than perfectly skilled at anything?? I'm a work of physical and intellectual art baby! - LC Corran Horn.
Some people leave their bodies to medical science. When CoHo dies he's leaving his body to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
"When I was a little kid, I used to have this recurring dream that Darth Vader came to earth and picked me up, and I would help him beat the rebels by showing him my copies of the movies on his VCR aboard the Executor." - And people wonder why we call Kootie "Mister Empire"?
"It couldn't have been me, no-one saw me do it." - COL Kessler explains why he couldn't possibly have been the officer who raped LT Rejili while he was in training.
* Kessler cuffs Kootie around the back of the head. "Stand up when your CMDR enters the room! And get your hair cut!"
Ahh.. the joys of command.
Kessler strongly denies the charges that he abuses his OPS privileges in the #ISD_Challenge channel.
Lock your cabin door at night, Jerry!
* RA_Andron simply flashes his RA Badge and Freelance Sector Ranger badge at Old Man Kess :P
* Kessler flashes his arse at Andron :P
* RA_Andron pins his badges into Kessler's pimply wrinked rectum :P
Bitch :P
Quote of the Week:
"
Well, I guess he has a point.
Quote of the Week Scores
Astatine 1 CoHo 3 Snake 1
Manitsas 2 Nebers 1 Sarriss 2
Quake 1 Ricaud 2 Miki 1
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TIE Corps Skill Profiles
There's a new feature on the TIE Corps personnel profiles - you can now add and rate a list of various skills to your record, ranging from single-player TIE to PHP programming. Shak and TD - I expect to see "Master of 3D Art" in yours. Fishbone, Xrryc and CoHo - let's see some ticks next to the "Single-Player TIE Master".
Unfortunately, there's no "Drunken Old Git" category, so I'll pass this time :P
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CMDR's Corner
In a sad day for British Television, Troma Edge TV showed its final episode last weekend. Troma Movies are of course, famous for films like "The Toxic Avenger", "Tromeo and Juliet" and "Killer Condom Man". South Park's creators - Matt Stone and Trey Parker got their start in life making cheap movies for Troma.
Troma Edge TV was the show that opened with Troma main man Lloyd Kaufman (while vomiting green bile) declaring that although Troma was famous for it's monsters, breasts, scantily-clad women and low brow humour it was now time for them to take a more mature and serious spin on things. Cue dancing Tromettes; and sliding across Lloyd's desk comes crazy-eyed Steve Haaga declaring 'Hey Lloyd, light my fart', which Lloyd of course happily obliges with the words "Hold your ass still!" Bang, and the show begins !!
They just don't make TV shows like this anymore. Troma Edge TV - I salute you!
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Dark Lord of the Week
The highly prestigious title of Dark Lord of the Week is only given to the person who has most advanced the success of the Squadron, amused the CMDR, or slipped me the most £5 notes in a brown paper bag. This week's winner is:
FM / CPT "Daddy" Shakur
Three times in a row! Somebody stop him!
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Ewok of the Week
Yub Yub!
Every story has a hero, every journey has a first step, every Fleet has a pilot who's as much use as an ashtray on a speeder bike. This weeks' Prize Ewok is none other than:
LCM Jerry
Because no matter how many times you remind him, he NEVER remembers to attach his tfr files to his emails :P
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"We got tactical smart missiles, phased plasma pulse rifles, RPGs... we got sonic-electronic ballbreakers! We got nukes, we got knives, we got sharp sticks! We are the Ultimate Badasses! You do not want to mess with us."
The Usual Suspects
Flight One - The Missile Magnets
Fighter Pilots Make Movies - Bomber Pilots Make History
CMDR/COL Kyle "Old Man" Kessler
Submitted Banner design for TIE Corps Fiction Compendium
Uploaded new Uniform Graphic to TC database (kindly designed by LCM Kyle Katarn Kyle.Katarn@isdchallenge.org)
FM/MAJ "Snoop-Doggy" TopDawg
Waiting for SL Semi Finals
FM/LC Corran "Damn I'm Gorgeous" Horn
Changed email address to coho@emperorshammer.ca
Waiting for SL Semi-Finals
FL/LCM Kaedryl "Beer Monster" Di'Mathe
Awarded Commendation of Bravery
Waiting for SL Semi Finals
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Flight II - The Brylcreem Boys
Kissing Ass and Taking Names
FL/CPT "Mister Empire" Kou-Taiki
Waiting for SL Semi-Finals
FM/CPT "Daddy" Shakur
Designed 2 rendered lightsabre images for CM Xyrryc
Submitted 2 rendered graphics for Squadron OPS Office
Submitted design proposal for new TIE Corps Uniforms to the OPS Office
NEW HIGH SCORE - TC-TIE 145
NEW HIGH SCORE - TC-TIE 146
NEW HIGH SCORE - TC-TIE 151
Flew TC-TIE 153
Flew TC-TIE 154
Flew TC-TIE 156
Flew TC-TIE 157 - NEW HIGH SCORE
Flew TC-TIE 158
Flew TC-TIE
Flew TC-TIE
Promoted to FCHG Gallant
Promoted to FCHG Knight!
Somebody stop Shak! He's on fire!
FM/CPT "Old Man River" Fishbone
Waiting for SL Semi-Finals
FM/CM "Darth Vile" Xyrryc
Reflew Free-TIE 128
Flew Free-TIE 125
Flew Free-TIE 126 - NEW HIGH SCORE
Reflew Free-TIE 126 - ANOTHER High Score
Waiting for SL Semi Finals
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Flight III - The High Priests of Love
We're the Love Commandos and this is a Raid!
FL/CM Callum "The Shadow" Veers
Completed IWATS TIE Mission Design
Flew DB-TIE 10
Designed new Flight III Homepage at http://www.digiman.f2s.com/flight3/
Waiting for SL Semi Finals
FM/MAJ Aven "Hermann the German" Kronn
Waiting for SL Semi Finals
FM/LCM "Uncle Fester" Jerry
Awarded Commendation of Bravery
Waiting for SL Semi Finals
FM/LCM Kaoru "Junior" Miki
Waiting for SL Semi Finals
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Peace, Love, Shave the Wookie.
CMDR/COL Kyle Kessler/Tornado Squadron/Wing X/ISD Challenge
MoH/IC/OoR/GOE/GSx2/SSx4/BSx9/PCx3/ISMx10/CoB/MoI-DC/ISx3/LoC-PSx34/OV-3E [PLDN]
[IWATS][IIC/3][M/2][SM/1][TT][XTT][XA-A][CBX][GFX]
The contest no-one finds: Name the movie quoted in the activity reports and win a mystery prize from the CMDR's Waste Bin
Last week's answer - "Don't you try to run on me, because Mister .44 here has six little friends and they can ALL run faster than you can."
"From Dusk Till Dawn" Winner - CPT Kou-Taiki