Welcome to another episode of the DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGER REPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!
With your host, Captain Dan Seth "Instigator" Malaktos!
::Sappy music::
Thank you! Thank you! And now for my next trick--- wait a second, the camera's ON!? I thought this was a dress rehearsal?! Ah well.
::Dan sits down::
Good evening, and welcome to the fake news! We've had quite a week. What with massacring Sin... and... and... anyway... we've had quite a week!
::Bob whispers in Dan's ear::
Oh, this just in: Dan Malaktos... hey, that's me! Flew TC-TIE 47. Wait, I FLEW?! Cool! First time I've flown on my own since I've been a CMDR. Go me.
Ok, anyway, we've got some guests I think. Who do we have this week?
Bill>Hammer Squad.
Dan>WHAT?!
Bob>Yeah, that Corellian prostitute cancelled.
Dan>... why?!
Bob>Something about 'business' with someone named Valtane--
Dan>That's RIC! He's the only one with a name like that! Valtane Gavryn Ricaud! Anyway, bring them in...
::Bill starts pushing 5 pilots into the room::
Lohr>Hey, quit SHOVIN'!
Shino>Hey! You said there'd be beer!
Tiger>Hey, a camera.... we didn't have those on the Col!
Darkstar>Camer-wha?
Shae>Mmmm... beer.
Dan>Yeah, that's right, ok, calm down, you'll get used to the lights, I hear you don't have many on the Colossus.
::Shino runs into a corner and whimpers at the word Colossus::
Shae>Now look what you've gone and done!
Lohr>Let's just say Ari liked Iota... ALOT.
Dan>I see...
::Everyone but Lohr runs into a corner at the word Ari::
Dan>Whoa, some courageous pilots...
::Everyone finds their way out::
Dan>ARI! COLOSSUS!
::Dan watches them hide::
Lohr>Stop doing that!
Dan>Bah... wanna do the honours this week?
Lohr>Ok.
::Lohr gets on his knees::
Dan>NO!!! You're on the Relentless now! I mean read off the News!
Lohr>Oh..... ok.
EH NEWS:
1. Skill Thingies: Go to www.tiecorps.org/admin.asp and fill out your skills file! It'll help future superior officers and show off your skills... except the sexual ones.
2. Newsletter: SA Compton had one too many shots of vodka and had a huge hangover. Bad newsletter this month.
3. Advanced Guard: Rear Admiral Quake is looking for Ambassadors!
4. Commendations of Loyalty: I get to recc some of you peeps :)
WHO CARES?
Summer of 1978.... My sister and I in the backseat..... SHE THREW MY NEW BLUE COMB OUT THE WINDOW! SOMEWHERE ON I-70!-Five Iron Frenzy
If you find this comb, please send $525 to:
Your F*cking Comb
P.O. Box 69
Somewhere Stupid, USA
WING NEWS:
1. Hammer Squadron: Iota has decided to transfer because they want in on our drug connections. I want ALL of you to email Hammer Squadron and welcome them. They must feel kinda out of place. We must welcome them with open arms.
2. Spear CMDR: To be LCM Tack
3. Hell freezes over: See above
4. Pigs fly: See above
5. Wing IX Honour Guard: Contact val.ricaud@btinternet.com to join if you have XvT or XWA. I'm joining :)
6. Wing Commander's Own: STARTS TOMMORROW!
7. Drink the beer! Beer the drink! Drunk am I! Foor flat on the! Beer me another glass of pour! ISD Relentless Drinkathon slated for December 22nd...
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
"I have Comely breasts, not COMly powers. Bah, let them laugh at this old fart. I don't give a fuck."-
Rear Admiral Andron after Captain Dan Malaktos inquired into the powers of a Commodore.
"And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart next time you're making love." -
Rear Admiral Andron realizing his sex life is really really bad.
SQUADRON NEWS:
1. Aragorn promoted to Lieutenant! YAY!
2. Dan decrees higher comms are necessary.
3. We trounced Sin... ho-hum.
4. When Matt Rust finishes flying TC-TIE 1 or fills out his INPR, we'll be 75% Lieutenants. This goes to show you that I don't just promote for time. I believe myself to be reasonable. Do a good job, and I'll be your best friend. You all make me proud right now, though :)
SQUADRON STATUS:
1. Ok, first up, guys, we have that huge list of battles I sent out. Here it is again:
TC-TIE 001
TC-TIE 002
TC-TIE 003
TC-TIE 004
TC-TIE 005
TC-TIE 006
TC-TIE 007
TC-TIE 017
TC-TIE 018
TC-TIE 019
TC-TIE 032
TC-TIE 037
TC-TIE 044
TC-TIE 047
TC-TIE 048
TC-TIE 058
TC-TIE 129
TC-TIE 130
TC-TIE 131
TC-TIE 133
TC-TIE 155
TC-TIE 156
TC-TIE 157
TC-TIE 158
TC TIE 159
2. WC's Own. You have until TOMMORROW to finish whatever battle you're flying. Then to make sure we win the WC's own, I will NOT be accepting any tfrs other than the WC's Own file until the WC's Own is over. I expect it to be flown continuously. I will too. I'll make a strategy guide. We're the current WC's Own. We CANNOT lose.
PERSONAL ACHIEVMENTS:
CMDR/CPT Dan Malaktos
12/10/00 - Completed TC-TIE 47
Frequented IRC
Decreed Higher comms
FM/LT Aragorn
12/7/00 - Filled out INPR
12/8/00 - Promoted to LT
12/10/00 - Flew FREE TIE 127
FM/LT Leonid DeBastide
12/10/00 - Flew FREE TIE 127
FL/LT Manticore
Frequented AIM
FM/LT Alun Tringad
Frequented AIM
Trying to get TIE
FL/LT Rejili Holthaus
12/6/00 - Awarded ISM
12/10/00 - Flew FREE TIE 127
FM/LT Fireball
Reported in
FM/SL Matt Rust
Frequented IRC
Attempted to fly TC-TIE 1