Welcome to another episode of the DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGER REPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!
With your host, Commander Dan Seth "Instigator" Malaktos!
::Sappy music::
Thank you, John! Well it's been quite a week, hasn't it folks? Let me just check my script...
Ah, it seems last week we left the gallant and honorable Dagger Squadron in quite a pickle! The entire Wing IX wanted a piece of them. Let's pick up right where we left off but first... I have a guest with us today! The ship's very own psychoanalyst, Nurse Lev Gammitt!
Ahem... Nurse LEV GAMMITT! That's your CUE!
***Note from Malaktos: The following has been approved by LT Tack. All those with fragile stomachs or no sense of humor should skip the following.***
::Lieutenant Tack barges through the door, foaming at the mouth::
Can someone get this guy off my set?! I said the ship's psychoanalyst, not the ship's psycho! Who was in charge of getting Gammitt? Whoever you are, you're fired!
::Lev Gammitt runs in and shackles Tack::
Lev>Sorry about that, Commander. He's my exhibit.
Dan>Oh ok...
Lev>Anyway, I'm prepared to talk about the psyche of the average EH pilot versus the average Dagger pilot.
Dan>Ok. I hope Tack isn't supposed to be the average EH pilot.
Lev>Oh, no, Tack here, he's, look this way, little psycho!
::Lev grabs Tack's face and holds it::
Lev>This is the overdeveloped EH pilot. He flies 10 sorties a day, volunteers for the overnight watch duty, and he's in a long range strike squadron. A normal long range strike pilot is a very mature person, with an extreme attention span. However, our little psycho over here has had no sleep since he left Daedalus.
Dan>Interesting.
Lev>Here, I have some ink blots. Tell me what this looks like Dan.
Dan>A bottle of vodka.
Lev>See, that's normal for an EH pilot. Now Tack. Tack, Tack, TACK?! Look! W-h-a-t d-o-e-s t-h-i-s l-o-o-k l-i-k-e? You have to talk slow.
Tack>::drool:: Rebels!?!!?!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! KILL THEM! DIE DIE DIE!!!!!
::Tack takes the ink blot, and runs out. A loud crash is heard, followed by the blaster bolts of security::
Dan>Uhh, was that supposed to happen?
Lev>Umm.... YES! It was. Now you used to be in a bunch of squads, so let's bring in LT Manticore, a Dagger pilot his whole life.
Manticore>Good to be here.
Lev>What's this look like?
Manticore>That's me killing all of Rogue Squadron, plus 4 rebel dreadnaughts and 12 rebel CRS in a TIE Fighter, while drinking vodka, and having my way with a prostitute from Corellia. Hrm... That sounds kinda good... cya.
Dan>Whoa.
Lev>See the average Dagger pilot is much different. If you look at this brain chart, you know that section of the brain that isn't used? Well the longer you spend in Dagger, the more it gets filled up with a huge ego, which actually becomes a solid part of the brain, and melds to it. See, here is your brain now, 87% ego, and 1% useful ness. In exactly 3 hours, it will be 99% ego and 1% usefulness.
Dan>Hrm... I'd think it to be a bigger jump.
Lev>Oh, but you're a special case. A normal pilot... say... Commander Ted has 50% ego now and 5% usefulness. If he transferred to Dagger, it'd take approximately 4 months to become 99% ego and 1% usefulness.
Dan>What are you implying?
Lev>Well I was just saying as a proffessional-
Dan>Are you saying I have an ego problem?
Lev>No, you just have a larger mass of-
Dan>GET THIS GUY OFF MY SET!
::3 Ewoks tote Lev Gammitt away::
Phew, it's about time. Me, an ego problem... sheesh, some people are nuts. Well, let's go over the week's events, shall we? To help us go over this, is our very own Valtane Gavryn Ricaud!
Our very own... DOES ANYONE TELL THESE PEOPLE THEIR CUES?!
::Ricaud saunters in the room guzzling some vodka and stroking a cricket bat::
Dan>This must be Steve right? Your childhood friend?
Ricaud>HiS NaaME IiS StEvE, but I ain't your childhood friend.
Dan>That's not what I said...
Ricaud>Gimmee that mic! I'd like to sing you all a little song!
::Dan gets out a syringe and injects Ric with it, then pulls out some clear fluid from his vein, and takes away the bottle of vodka::
Ricaud>That's better... hey! This isn't Steve! How could I?! No!
Dan>...Can we just go through the events of the week?
Ricaud>But Steve...
Dan>Ok, I'll do it :P
EH NEWS
-Battlecry Issue 8 is out! READ IT! http://battlecry.ehnet.org
Ricaud> I invented that!
-Task Force Monitor defeated Task Force Claw in the Naval Corps War Games
-Chief of Staff of the NC is up for grabs...
-You can now update your profiles with your uniforms, go to Administration, log in, then go to upload uniform
-Yankees won game one of the World Series in 12 innings...
WHO CARES?
-HA Rapier was once CMDR of Shield... wait, that's good! N/M!
WING NEWS
Ricaud>I'll do this one!
-WING COMMANDER'S OWN:
Well after accepting several bribes, I have decided that they won't influence me. Dagger Squadron has won the WC's Own, because they kick butt.
=SQUADRON STANDINGS=
1. DAGGER SQUADRON
Total - 777,027
Participation - 4
Possible - 7
*Weighted Average - 111,003*
2. SPEAR SQUADRON
Total - 709,638
Participation - 5
Possible - 8
*Weighted Average - 88,704*
3. SWORD SQUADRON
Total - 284,888
Participation - 2
Possible - 7
*Weighted Average - 40,698*
4. SHIELD SQUADRON
Total - 0
Participation - 0
Possible - 9
*Weighted Average - 0*
=INDIVIDUAL STANDINGS=
1. FM/LT Bart/SPEAR - 403,784
2. FL/LT Manticore/DAGGER - 267,273
3. CMDR/CM Dan Malaktos/DAGGER - 214,546
4. FM/LT Leonid DaBastide/DAGGER - 155,422
5. FL/CM Tom/SWORD - 151,770
6. FM/LCM Talon Ray Hunter/DAGGER - 139,786
7. CMDR/CM Ted/SWORD - 133,118
8. FL/LT Lev Gammitt/SPEAR - 132,289
9. CMDR/CM Quake/SPEAR - 111,434
10. FL/LT Brad Tack/SPEAR - 38,182
11. FM/CM Miack Harlander/SPEAR - 23,409
I have awarded a PC to LT Bart as well as an ISM to everyone in Dagger who participated. Congrats.
-LCM Ted has been promoted to CM and given the position of Sword CMDR.
-Inactivity=Paddling on your butt by Steve... I lost Steve.... where is he?!
Dan>He's in your hand!
Ricaud>SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR HAGGIS!
-COM/RA Andronicus is running a uniform-related competition
for all officers. All those who enter must create a full-length dress uniform and duty uniform for
Andronicus, and then a uniform for any Command Staff member. All entires must be sent in to
mad_dog_mcd@btinternet.com by 28th October (next Saturday). The winner will become Ship's Tailor, and might get an ISM :P
Dan>Ok, that's enough :P You can go now.
Ricaud>I'M A GROWN MAN! I'll leave when I want.
Dan>SECURITY!
Ricaud>NO! NOT THE EWOKS!
::Ewoks start throwing rocks at Ricaud until he leaves::
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"MMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmooooooooooo!" COL V.G. Ricaud
SQUADRON NEWS
-My Executive Officer! I am choosing one now! Eenie meenie... ah n/m. Lieutenant Manticore, CONGRATULATIONS! The following may be displayed discreetly below your ID Line:
Dagger Squadron Executive Officer
-We won the WC's Own! Myself, Manticore, Talon Ray Hunter, and Leonid DeBastide were all awarded ISMs! CONGRATS TO US!
-I am calling a short end to the Dagger Top Gun. We have been at it for 4 weeks, and enough is enough. The winner is... LT Leonid DeBastide! Leonid DeBastide will be awarded a CoB at the end of the month.
-Arkette Darkrider has come out of the shadows and joined us only to be grounded. Break out soon, Arkette, we love you! WHOOOO!
-WARNING WARNING WARNING! DANGER ALUN TRINGAD! CONTACT ME ASAP! You are in danger of being AWOLED!
SQUADRON STATUS
-I'm giving you guys a break this week, just fly if you can, etc.
-Priority One: I need all your feedback. Do you want to join up with Spear and take on Alpha and Epsilon together?
-Priority Two: RECRUIT!!!!!!!
-Priority Three: Post on our message board!
-Priority Four: Make your uniform, post it on your profile!
PERSONAL ACHIEVMENTS
CMDR/CM Dan Malaktos
10/20/00 - Completed TC-TIE 117
10/21/00 - Awarded ISM
I have another hectic week guys... I'll try to fly though :)
FM/LT Arkette Darkrider
10/21/00 - Completed TC-TIE 18
10/21/00 - Completed TC-TIE 119
10/21/00 - Emergency leave again....
FM/LT Leonid DeBastide
10/21/00 - Completed TC-TIE 5
10/21/00 - Completed Free TIE 129
10/21/00 - Completed TC-TIE 3
10/21/00 - Awarded ISM
FL/LT Manticore
10/18/00 - Completed TC-TIE 5
10/18/00 - Awarded ISM
10/21/00 - Completed TC-TIE 10
10/21/00 - Awarded ISM
10/22/00 - Promoted to XO
FM/LT Talon Ray Hunter
10/21/00 - Awarded ISM
FM/LT Alun Tringad
Nothing
FL/LCM Nic Rety
10/15/00 - Informed of leave until 21
Reported in
That about wraps up this week's episode of the DAAAAAAAAAGGER REPOOOOOOOOOOORT!
Until next time... Barf down, look up!
Commander D. S. "Instigator" Malaktos
--------------------------------------
CMDR-SR/CM Dan "Instigator" Malaktos/Dagger 1-1/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
PCx2/ISMx6/MoI/MoT-4gh/CoS/OV-3E
[CAVL] {IWATS-Core IIC/1/2 mIRC/1/2 RT SM/2 TM GFX}
[T/D Hand of the Apocalypse]
DOC/LCM Dan Malaktos/TC-BG/ISD Relentless
CHMN/COM Dan Malaktos/FRG Inexorable/CD
"Join the Relentless! It makes your hometown better!"