Kicking Ass And Taking Names
Well, spin my nipple nuts and call me Mabel, it's another Tornado Report!
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Shock Upset in Challenge Ace Pilot Contest!
Can it be true? Did CoHo lose his Ace Pilot title? Can a member of Tornado Squadron possibly have been defeated? Yes, I'm afraid it's true. LC Corran Horn was narrowly defeated in a title match by none other than CPT Rea... of Tornado Squadron.
Muuahhahaaahahaaa!
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Another Tornado Pilot promoted to Admiral
Sheesh! It seems you can't move these days without bumping into ex-Tornado Admirals :P MAJ Mooks' incessant pestering of the Fleet Command Staff seems to have paid off at last, and just as well for him, because Colonels are Mooks-proof. He's been appointed PREX of the Corporate Division, so good luck to him (or good luck to the CD).
Stepping in the replace him is a veteran of the TIE Corps - Captain Fishbone. Fishbone's been around longer than R2 units, and he almost makes me look young. Hey, I said "almost" :P We had several highly decorated pilots and a few Cadets interested in taking the spot, but a vote by the Squadron decided that CPT Fishbone should be the one to take our last Flight Position.
Welcome to Tornado Squadron, Captain. You should report to sickbay for your obligatory "Property of Kyle C. Kessler" tattoo as soon as possible. Nurse Vexan is waiting.
Speaking of which, I've also gotten my finger out of my fat ass and written some fiction for the Challenge vs Colossus contest. It's pretty short, only 6 pages, and it's about Fishbone arriving onboard and meeting the Squadron. LC Darklord doesn't get too much crap in it this time :P The story is attached for anyone who wants to read it.
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Tornado Squadron vs Everyone
Since it became apparent that we have to fly twenty times harder than anyone else before our COM notices we exist, (don't ask me why, apparently we're "special" or something), and because BGCOM/VA Jarak said he wanted to see us challenging a few other Squadrons, Tornado has decided to give them both exactly what they want :P
Starting with Spear Squadron of the ISD Relentless, we're now on a Crusade to challenge not just "a few other Squadrons", we're going to take on every last TIE Squadron in the entire Battlegroup. And if the Immortal think they've got 12 TIE pilots who think they're hard enough, they're welcome to try their luck too.
The first step on our road to glory, as already mentioned, is Spear Squadron, whose CMDR was recently declared BGCOM's Own for his work with Spear over the last few months. Final scores won't be in until Monday, but so far we've set, broken and reset new mission high scores on this sucker three times, so I'm not worried.
Next to feel the pain is a choice between Iota or Inferno. Depending on whether or not Iota can fit us in, although we'd all dearly love a chance to get nasty with the Squadron who won BGCOM's and WC's Own more times in the last four months than most people wash their underwear (relax CoHo, you're not "most people"). COL Manitsas has agreed to take us on in the week commencing 23rd October, and I should hear back from CM Zhadash of Iota this weekend. Fire up your engines, they're going down!
Rea vs Everyone
Not content with being in the Squadron that's going to kick the entire Battlegroup's arse, Captain "God's Gift to Starfighters" Rea has decided he's going to whup the ass of anyone in the Fleet with more FCHG points than him.
Rea's got 95 FCHG points. This may take some time. 80% of the Fleet should expect an email from him soon. He may not be too smart, but you've got to admire his ambition!
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Other Contests
Supreme Squadron Series
Don't forget the Supreme Squadron Series is still going strong. The current Round is trivia (questions attached), although to be brutally honest, I prefer it when my Star Wars trivia is actually about Star Wars, and not based on the works of a bunch of bad writers working for Del Rey books who couldn't get real jobs, but that's just me. If anyone can answer any of gthe questions, mail me the questions back with your answers and I'll make up a composite with all our answers attached. It's a Squadron effort.
ISD Challenge vs ISD .. umm.. erm.. What was their name again?
Some bunch of no-hopers have challenged Wing X to a duel, mission to fly is Free-TIE 134, four of us have already done it. There's also a fiction section. So far I've submitted one piece of work, if you have the time, write your own.
Oh yeah, it's the Colossus :P
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Quotes of the Week
"SIR, I would like to know who you are. The first thing I heard about you was to be careful while I was on Daedalus, and that you were crazy, and your old, and you do bad things to goats. But I also heard what you did as FO AND you've won the four highest awards the EH has to offer. I posted on the TIE Corps and Training MB's to ask people about you, but I decided the best way would be to ask you yourself, since I would hope YOU know who you are.
Newly promoted.....
FM/LT Rejili Holthaus/Alpha 1-3/Wing I/SSSD Sovereign
{IWATS-IIC/1/2-M/1/2-SM/2} "
There's not really a lot I can say about this :P
"[10:23] * Wysseri sucks Dawgys nuts first and then starts nibbling on them." Wing X - what happens when cousins marry.
"Personally I'll be hiding in the Colossus' ventilation system till you nasty wing X boys move on." CPT Merlin rejoices at the news that Tornado are coming to kick Wing VIII's ass.
"This mission sucks donkey balls." CPT Steele decides he doesn't like Free-TIE 119 too much.
Quote of the Week
Quote of the Week Scores
Astatine 1 CoHo 2 Snake 1 Manitsas 1 Nebers 1 Stormfyld 1 Sarriss 1 Quake 1
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Dark Lord of the Week
The highly prestigious title of Dark Lord of the Week is only given to the person who has most advanced the success of the Squadron, amused the CMDR, or slipped me the most £5 notes in a brown paper bag. This week's winner is:
FM/CM Xyrryc
For setting more High Scores in a week than most people see in a lifetime.
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Ewok of the Week
Yub Yub!
Every story has a hero, every journey has a first step, every Fleet has a pilot who thinks The Gettysburg Address was where President Lincoln lived . This weeks' Prize Ewok is none other than:
COM/VA Corran Force
I'd say it 20 times, but I think he's starting to get the point by now :)
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"I tell you, these Christians have got it all wrong. You think when Jesus comes back he's ever going to want to see another cross?"
The Usual Suspects
Flight One - The Missile Magnets
Fighter Pilots Make Movies - Bomber Pilots Make History
CMDR/COL Kyle "We're Going To Whup ALL Your Asses" Kessler
Flew Free-TIE 94
Flew Free-TIE 119 for Tornado vs Spear Smackdown
Flew Free-TIE 134 for Challenge vs ISD Whatever-their-name-is Contest
Wrote Humourous Fiction for Challenge vs ISD Whatever-Their-Name-Is Contest.
Awarded Commendation of Bravery
FM/MAJ "Snoop-Doggy" TopDawg
Flew Free-TIE 94
Flew Free-TIE 119 for for Tornado vs Spear Smackdown
FM/CPT "Rip Van Winkle" Steele
Zzzzzzzzzzz
Oh okay, he writes a lot of emails :P
FM/CPT "Captain Ego" Rea
Flew Free-TIE 94 for Challenge Ace Pilot title - NEW CHAMPION
Taking on the entire universe.
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Flight II - The Brylcreem Boys
Kissing Ass and Taking Names
FL/CM Touga "Mister Empire" Kiryyu
Flew Free-TIE 119 for Tornado vs Spear Smackdown
Flew Free-TIE 134 for Challenge vs ISD Whatever-their-name-is Contest.
FM/LC Corran "Damn I'm Gorgeous" Horn
Flew Free-XvT 9
Flew Free-XvT 10
Flew TC-XvT 1
Flew TC-XvT 2
Flew TC-XvT 4
Flew TC-XWA 4
Flew TC-TIE 158
Flew Free-TIE 134 for Challenge vs ISD Whatever-their-name-is Contest.
Flew Free-TIE 94 for the Challenge Ace Pilot Title - LOST TO CPT REA
Flew Free-TIE 119 for Tornado vs Spear Smackdown
Designed an ISD Challenge banner
Awarded ISM
FM/CPT Fishbone
Joined Tornado from Reserves, welcome aboard!
Flew Free-TIE 119 for Tornado vs Spear Smackdown
Flew Free-TIE 113
Flew TC-TIE 147
FM/MAJ "You Bastard!" Mooks
Appointed PREX of Corporate Division, left Tornado.
FM/CM "Darth Vile" Xyrryc
Flew Free-TIE 134 for the ISD Challenge vs ISD Whatever-their-name-is Contest.
Flew Free-TIE 119 for Tornado vs Spear Smackdown.
Flew Free TIE 133 - NEW HIGH SCORE
Flew Free-TIE 132 - NEW HIGH SCORE
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Flight III - The High Priests of Love
We're the Love Commandos and this is a Raid!
FL/CM Callum "The Shadow" Veers
Flew Free-TIE 119 for Tornado vs Spear Smackdown - NEW HIGH SCORE
FM/MAJ Aven "Hermann the German" Kronn
New Battle High Score for DB-XVT 1
New Mission High Score for TC-XWA 3
Flew Free-TIE 119 for Tornado vs Spear Smackdown
Beat England 1-0 at Wembley (Boo, hiss :P)
FM/LCM "Uncle Fester" Jerry
Flew Free-TIE 94
Flew Free-TIE 119 for for Tornado vs Spear Smackdown
FM/LT Kaoru "Babyface" Miki
Temporary communications problems caused some trouble this week, but his new email address is up and running, and he's flying all contests. Nice to have you back, Junior.
And once again, the activity reports take up more space than the rest of the rubbish put together. I think I see a trend developing here :)
Peace, Love, Shave the Wookie,
CMDR/COL Kyle Kessler/Tornado Squadron/Wing X/ISD Challenge