This is a mature report. If you don't find any offensive, defamatory or vaguely sexual material please let us know and we'll put some in immediately.
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Fleet News
Who cares?
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Wing News
Same deal here.
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Squadron News
Squadron League 2000
In a break with tradition, Captain Steele submitted a tfr for the SL2000 before the deadline. Note to Medical staff - stop increasing his amphetamine dosage, it seems to be working.
Still a few days to go before the deadline, and it looks as if Captain Rea's new copy of TIE won't arrive in time. Still, we've easily qualified anyway, so it's not the end of the world. However, from here on in, it's sudden death. I can't emphasise it enough - without 100% dedication from everyone, we could get knocked out of the Playoffs at any time. Trust me on this one - you DO NOT want to be the pilot who cost us the Squadron League because you left it too late to get a battle flown. Very Bad Things will happen to you.
Supreme Squadron Series
There can be only one... yadda, yadda... best in the TIE Corps... yadda, yadda.... Oh look! Another "let's see who's the best" contest from LC Darklord. Sooner or later more than half a dozen squadrons might get involved in one of these, until then, it's strictly low priority. Nevertheless, both myself and Commander Kirryu have submitted fiction for Round One. I have no idea what Round Two will consist of, but as soon as I know, I'll keep you posted.
Anyone up for a Ruck?
The Squadron League Final isn't too far away, and after that's in the bag, I think it's time we got up close and personal with a few squadrons. The only question is - which ones? Send all nominations for the Squadron you feel most deserving of a little Tornado Justice to Colonel Kessler, who will be happy to insult their CMDR until he agrees to a contest or shoots himself.
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And now for something completely different...
IT'S...
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING SQUADRON REPORT
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Quotes of the Week
Who doesn't wanna be the property of the greatest man alive! ;) Hail Kessler!! - Don't try to get on my good side, Jerry. It's still your turn to work the fan in my office :P
Zetar's top tips - if Kyle 'Your butt is mine' Kessler come towards you with a grin on his face, run as fast as you can to the hanger and fly around the Challenge for a few hours! Do this to avoid tattoo's that you don't really want! - If you see me coming, Zetar, it's far, FAR too late :P
"Us poor WC's dont get any." You were talking about medals, Darklord. Weren't you?
"I say we ought to fly over and throw beer bottles at the Relentless" - Only as long as they're empty, Vexie.
"The party to welcome the Tempest newbies got a little out of hand on Monday night resulting in a conga line and at least 32 violations of human decency according to Kess (that's GOTTA be bad). The clean up fees will be paid off by a number of fundraisers including a Dunk-the-Drunk tank and a Pie-in-the-Face contest *Kaneda looks for CM Kanzco* >:)" - Actually, Kaneda - it was 32 violations of animal decency.
"Zetar's top tips! - Remember, if you have a Wookiee and shave it, you can send the hair away and have it fixed on the back of some kind of gore-tex material and made into a hair coat! - More Zetar's top tips next E-Mail!!!!!!!!!!!" - A man after my own heart :)
Well done to Dax Corrin for guessing Ast's job...that's right, he drives trains ;)
Quote of the Week
No comment.
Quote of the Week Scores:
Astatine 1 CoHo 1 Snake 1 Manitsas 1 Nebers 1 Stormfyld 1
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Vacancy In Tornado Squadron
Commander Kanzco has taken a transfer to Ranger Squadron on the ISD Immortal, and we now have a vacany in Tornado. Interested applicants should have their own TIE Defender and be willing to travel. Personnel with a fear of needles, muppets and Wookies need not apply.
After passing the selection process, you will be invited to an interview with Colonel Kessler, pictured below:
You will all be pleased to hear that he is no longer infected, and the rash should clear up very soon.
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Typhoon Squadron Victorious Against Someone Or Other
Typhoon Squadron have once again run up a cricket score against some bunch of losers no-one ever heard of who didn't have a prayer of defeating them. Well done Typhoon Squadron! To celebrate, Colonel Callista took her boys out for a date with the woman of their choice. As you can see fom the picture below, a great day out was had by one and all!
Rumours that Tally upset his date are unfounded. Brandy was lucky enough to have his puncture repair kit handy, so no serious harm was done ;)
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Dark Lord of the Week
The highly prestigious title of Dark Lord of the Week is only given to the person who has most advanced the success of the Squadron, amused the CMDR, or slipped me the most £5 notes in a brown paper bag. This week's winner is:
LT Kaoru "Junior" Miki
Because his mother asked me nicely :Þ
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Ewok of the Week
Yub Yub!
Every story has a hero, every journey has a first step, every Fleet has a pilot who's about as much use as an ashtray on a speeder bike. This weeks' Prize Ewok is none other than:
CM Ramos "Is there a chance of promotion in this?" Kanzco
Good luck in Ranger Squadron :Þ
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"I am no longer infected."
The Usual Suspects
Flight One - The Missile Magnets
Fighter Pilots Make Movies - Bomber Pilots Make History
CMDR/COL Kyle "That Idiot" Kessler
Wrote a 12 page story for the Supreme Squadron Series
Flew Free-TIE 130 for Rat Pack vs Teth
Flew TC-TIE 156 for Squadron League
FM/MAJ "Snoop-Doggy" TopDawg
On leave.
FM/CPT "Rip Van Winkle" Steele
Flew TC-TIE 156 for Squadron league
FM/CPT "Captain Ego" Rea
Grounded. Awaiting new copy of TIE.
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Flight II - The Brylcreem Boys
Kissing Ass and Taking Names
FL/CM Touga "Mister Empire" Kiryyu
Flew TC-TIE 156
Submitted Fiction for Supreme Squadron Series
FM/LC Corran "Damn I'm Gorgeous" Horn
Flew Free TIE 5
Flew Free TIE 70
Completed IWATS IRC Course [IRC]
FM/CM Ramos "Long Haired Hippy" Kanzco
Transferred to Ranger Squadron. What? Is it me? :Þ
FM/CM "Darth Vile" Xyrryc
Passed IWATS Graphics [GFX]
Flew TC-TIE 156
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Flight III - The High Priests of Love
We're the Love Commandos and this is a Raid!
FL/CM Callum "The Shadow" Veers
Flew TC-TIE 138
FM/MAJ Aven "Hermann the German" Kronn
FM/LCM "Uncle Fester" Jerry
Flew Free-TIE 104
FM/LT Kaoru "Babyface" Miki
Passed IWATS IIC/1
Passed IWATS IIC/2
Passed IWATS IIC/3
Peace, Love, Shave the Wookie,
CMDR/COL Kyle Kessler/Tornado Squadron/Wing X/ISD Challenge
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