Tornado Squadron
In association with our sponsors
Heineken Lager


Some day all Squadrons will be made this way.



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GRUDGE MATCH
This week:
Force Commander
vs
Poking Your Eye Out With A Stick

With your hosts - Kessler and CoHo

Kessler: Is it a sharp stick, or a dull stick?
CoHo: It's kinda pointy, but not razor sharp. I mean, there's a chance of infection.
Kessler: Oh. Well, would I receive immediate medical attention, or, would I have to wait around for a bit?
CoHo: Oh, no problem -- I've got a cellphone here, we'll call the medics right away.
Kessler: Hmmm. Could I get a cool cyberoptic glass eye with a laser sight?
CoHo: No.
Kessler: Oh damn, it was almost a no-brainer. This is a tough one, CoHo.
[The Force Commander music starts playing softly in the distance.]
Kessler: Aw shit, gimmie the stick.


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Tornado Squadron Supremacy Tour

This week's contenders:
THUNDER SQUADRON

*crackle* Tornado Squadron this is Tornado Leader, check in... *crackle*
*Tornado 1-2, TopDawg, checking in.*
*Tornado 1-3, CoHo. Roger that, Boss*
*1-4, Kaedryl, check in, over.*
*hisss*
*Okay, Flight Two, check in*
*Tornado 2-1, for the Glory of the Empire!*
*Just "Roger lead" will do, Kootie*
*By your command, Colonel*
*Hedgie, you there?*
*hiss*
*Okay, no Hedgie. Rest of Flight Two?*
*Tornado 2-3, Fishbone ready to go, sir.*
*Tornado 2-4, Xyrryc ready to kick some ass, sir.*
*Roger Flight Two, Flight Three?*
*Sssssssssssss....... acknowledged.*
*EEEEK!!! Veers, don't DO that! You scared the shit out of me :P*
*Tornado 3-2, Jawohl, mein fuhrer!*
*Roger, Kronn. Jerry, Miki, you with us?*
*This is 3-3, sir. No sign of Miki at this time, over. You want a databurst of his last known transmission?*
*Sure*
*Sending it now, sir*
...
...
...
*Jerry, did you forget something?*
*Oops. Sorry. Here it is*
*Roger that. Only three pilots unnaccounted for so far, not bad at all boys. Target is Thunder Squadron, bearing 320 by 120. Accelerate to attack speed and lock weapons on my mark. Flight One will engage their interceptors from range, Flight Two provide close escort for Flight One, engage targets of opportunity at Flight Leader's discretion. Flight Three - you're free to amuse yourself with whoever wanders in front of your sights. Understood?*
*YES SIR!*
*Okay ramblers, let's ramble. Weapons are free, I say again: Weapons are free. Fire 'em if you've got 'em!*
ZAP!

And so it begins...

Stay tuned next week - Tornado gets medieval with Typhoon Squadron!

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Channel 12 News
With your reporter, Dirk Diggler

Diggler: "Welcome to the channel that gets you the news as it happens. I'm Dirk Diggler, and I'm here on the Battlegroups Flagship, the ISD Immortal with Vice Admiral Jarak Maldon, who will shortly be presenting the new Battlegroup Ace Champion with his award. Admiral, how do you feel about this new champion?"
Jarak: "Why me? Why did he have to be in MY Battlegroup? We'll never hear the end of this you know? He'll be gloating about this for months. First they get the Challenge Ace pilot ever since it started, now the whole Battlegroup. He'll be insufferable..."
Diggler: "Excuse me, Admiral?"
Jarak: "Oh not the pilot. It's his Commander I'm worrying about."
Diggler: "I think I can see the new champion approaching the platform now, although there seems to be quite a crowd with him. I can see at least a dozen reporters and photographers, several dancing girls, a performing bear and a marching band. I think they're playing "Eye of the Tiger". Hello, you in the flightsuit, yes you. Allow me to offer my congratulations on your accomplishment on behalf of all Channel 12's viewers."
Kessler: "Thank you, thank you. One second please, I just need to pose for another picture."
FLASH!
Kessler: "Anyway, we in Tornado Squadron feel that this honour was inevitable, really. I mean, when you have such a high concentration of talent in one Squadron, it's only natural to expect to see us flooded with awards and recognition. But we're modest really. We're a pretty humble squadron actually. Erm... this is going out live to the entire Battlegroup, right?"
Diggler: "That's correct, yes."
Kessler: "Great! Must make sure you get my best side."
Diggler: "So, Commander Xyrryc, was this a difficult job?"
Kessler: "Oh, I'm not Xyrryc."
Diggler: "Huh? Who am I interviewing then?"
Jarak: "That's Kessler, he's Xyrryc's Commander. Xyrryc's behind him."
Diggler: "What?"
Kessler: "Hey Jarak. Pleased to see me?"
Diggler: "Admiral, please put that gun down!"
Jarak: "Don't worry. It's for me."
Kessler: "Thank you! We love you all! This won't change us!"
Diggler: "Congratulations Xyrryc."
Xyrryc: "Thanks."
Diggler: "This is Dirk Diggler returning you to the studio."


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Battlegroups Multi-User Dungeon Online
The most fun you can have with all your clothes on, and that's official! Members of the Squadron may have noticed that Colonel Kessler has been a little quiet recently. The reason for this is that he's been flying rented shuttles into Coruscant's sun, getting beaten up by R2 Droids, shot down by sleeping wingmen and starving to death in the jungles of Yavin IV. The good news is that YOU can waste your life on the Battlegroup's very own Multi-User Dungeon too. You'll need a MUD Client program (Such as zMUD or MUSH http://www.mushclient.com ) which you can download for free, then use it to connect to the server at enforcer.raptor.nu port 4000. Within minutes you too can be hopelessly lost on Coruscant, getting attacked and robbed by beggars.

Trust me, once you make it to Starfighter Adept you'll wonder why you didn't try it earlier.

Dark Lord of the Week



The highly prestigious title of Dark Lord of the Week is only given to the person who has most advanced the success of the Squadron, amused the CMDR, or slipped me the most £5 notes in a brown paper bag. This week's winner is:

Commander Xyrryc

It's been said before, but he really IS The Man. New BG Ace Champion too :)



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Ewok of the Week


Yub Yub!

Every story has a hero, every journey has a first step, every Fleet has a pilot who thinks The Gettysburg Address was where President Lincoln lived . This weeks' Prize Ewok is none other than:

Colonel Kessler

Because flying shuttles into stars isn't clever, even if it was a rented shuttle.


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"Okay ramblers..... let's ramble"

The Usual Suspects

Flight One - The Missile Magnets
Fighter Pilots Make Movies - Bomber Pilots Make History
CMDR/COL Kyle "Old Man" Kessler
Designed 8 Banners and posters for SSS Graphics
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron
Been playing BG MUD

FM/MAJ "Snoop-Doggy" TopDawg
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron

FM/LC Corran "Damn I'm Gorgeous" Horn
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron

FL/LCM Kaedryl "Beer Monster" Di'Mathe
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron


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Flight II - The Brylcreem Boys
Kissing Ass and Taking Names
FL/CPT "Mister Empire" Kou-Taiki
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron

FM/SL "Damien" Hedgie
Get Free-TIE 106 flown and you get promoted to LIEUTENANT!! Fly already!

FM/CPT "Old Man River" Fishbone
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron

FM/CM "Darth Vile" Xyrryc
Challenging LC Oldham and CPT Kane for BG Ace Title
Flew Free-TIE 102 for BGAPL - NEW HIGH SCORE
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron
New Battlegroup Ace Pilot Champion


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Flight III - The High Priests of Love
We're the Love Commandos and this is a Raid!
FL/CM Callum "The Shadow" Veers
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron

FM/MAJ Aven "Hermann the German" Kronn
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron

FM/LCM "Uncle Fester" Jerry
TopGun in Tornado vs Omicron Contest - ISM Awarded

FM/LT Kaoru "Junior" Miki
-


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Peace, Love, Shave the Wookie.

CMDR/COL Kyle Kessler/Tornado Squadron/Wing X/ISD Challenge
MoH/IC/OoR/GOE/GSx2/SSx4/BSx9/PCx3/ISMx10/CoB/MoI-DC/ISx3/LoC-PSx34/OV-2E [PLDN]
[IWATS][IIC/3][M/2][SM/1][TT][XTT][XA-A][GFX]