GRUDGE MATCH
This week:
Gordon From Half-Life
vs
A crate From Doom

With your hosts - Kessler and CoHo

CoHo: This is a tough one to call, so let's clarify: is Gordon carrying the crowbar?
Kessler: Let's make it interesting and say that yeah, Gordon is carrying a crowbar.
CoHo: Then it's all my man macdaddy G bustin' out with the freestyle crowbar action all over that crate's ass.
Kessler: I'm going to have to disagree. Have you ever played Doom?
CoHo: Yeah.
Kessler: How many crates have you destroyed?
CoHo: ...none...
Kessler: There ya go. The Doom crate: indestructable!
CoHo: ... But Gordon has a crowbar.
Kessler: Shaddup.
CoHo: Bitch.


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New Flight Officer

The rumours are true, AD Sarriss has resigned due to poor health and pressures of work, but her replacement is none other than the Battlegroups' own AD Theodore, former Battlegroup Commander, heavy rock fan and all-round nice guy. This shouldn't affect you guys directly, but I suspect that as soon as Theo gets used to the job we'll have all promotions and transfers running smoothly again.


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The Right Stuff
Do you have what it takes to be in The Empire? Take this short quiz to find out if you're the type of bastard we're looking for...

1. Complete the following sentence: "You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a...
a) ...really nice guy. I respect you, sir."
b) ...chicken. Or was it lizard? I can never remember..."
c) ...traitor. Take her away!"
d) ...corpse. Good riddance."

2. An officer under your command informs you that, through his own incompetence, he has allowed your Rebel quarry to escape. You:
a) Tell him in a kind, understanding, voice that he really should try harder.
b) Give him a blender and do the dance of joy.
c) Fire him and cancel his Christmas bonus.
d) Kill him, then spit on his lifeless body.

3. The new officer under your command informs you that, through no fault of his own, the Rebel scum have escaped. You:
a) Pat him on the back and say that you understand, everyone has a bad day now and then.
b) Chicken.
c) Commend him for trying and send him back to his post.
d) Kill him, cut the body into a dozen pieces, burn it and scatter the ashes.

4. His replacement, through no fault of his own, steps on your toe. You:
a) Smile understandingly and step to the side.
b) Ask him to do it again.
c) Step on his toe.
d) Kill him, then have his body fed to the Rancor. Kill the Rancor and have it ground into fertiliser. Then use the fertiliser as a nitrogen-based explosive compound and bomb some Rebels with it.

5. The Emperor calls you his:
a) enemy
b) comic relief
c) right hand
d) pimp

6. Which portion of the body do you prefer to crush and squeeze with the Force?
a) None, I give loving hugs.
b) the bladder
c) the heart or brain
d) All of them, but the throat if I'm just practicing.

Optional navigation section:
You have the fastest ship in the galaxy. How fast can you do the Kessel Run?
a) 12 parsecs
b) 12 litres
c) 12 days
d) 12 Rebel corpses

Optional ethics section:
You are given a choice between killing a kitten and eating a Twinkie. You:
a) Give them both a hug
b) Kill the Twinkie
c) Kill the kitten
d) Kill the kitten with the Twinkie

If you answered mostly...

a) Die screaming you pansy Rebel scumbag!.
b) You are an idiot. I'd tell you to die screaming too, but you wouldn't understand me.
c) Report to your nearest Imperial Recruiting Office immediately!
d) You're so cold-hearted and evil I may even consider allowing to fly for Tornado Squadron!


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Squadron League 2000

The Quarter Finals are upon us, the mision/battle to be flown will be chosen on Sunday, and the good news is that ALL SIX Wing X Squadrons have qualified. Let's just clarify that for the sake of anyone who didn't get it the first time. Out of the 36 Squadrons from the Sovereign and the 6 from Wing X, 100% of ours qualified, and only 30% of theirs. Does that tell you anything? Wing X rocks and rolls, baby!

The Tornado Squadron Supremacy Tour will be suspended for the duration of the remainder of the Squadron League. I don't want anything distracting you guys from giving everything you've got for the League. We can win this, and we're going to win this! Make me proud, guys!


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Tornado Supremacy Tour

Speaking of which, as of now, the current score is Tornado 5 - Battlegroups 1. We've lost to Iota Squadon, and we've defeated Spear, Omicron, Thunder, Inferno and Dagger. Results aren't in yet for the Typhoon match, and that's all I'm saying on that subject because COL Callista reads these reports :P (Hi Calli!) You all know the score, you all know what we're capable of. Just carry on with the results you've been giving me and we'll have no problems :)


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The Week In Quotes

COL MANITSAS IS THE ACTING WING COMMANDER Buah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You thought COL Kessler was a howling mad Acting WC? If so, then you were absolutely right! - COL "Mad Doc" Manitsas
Manny needs to lay off the clinical alcohol.

Lee, drop your pants. I need a good laugh - MAJ TopDawg
The worrying part about it is that Darklord WOULD drop his pants.

Let's see if the Rat Pack can beat the Squadron League Winners! - WC/GN Wolly - Rat 2
What, you want me to fly against my own squadron? - COL Kessler - Tornado 1/Rat 9

Quote of the Week
I regret to inform you sir that I cannot fly these two missions due to the overwhelming load of schoolwork... Yeah, right. Screw schoolwork, Lt. Miki
only cares for the Empire! Mwhahahahahaha! - LT Miki
This boy will go far in my TIE Corps!

Quote of the Week Scores
Astatine 1 CoHo 3 Snake 1 Manitsas 2 Nebers 1 Stormfyld 1 Sarriss 2 Quake 1 Ricaud 1 Miki 1

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The Usual Suspects

Flight One - The Missile Magnets
Fighter Pilots Make Movies - Bomber Pilots Make History
CMDR/COL Kyle "Old Man" Kessler
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron

FM/MAJ "Snoop-Doggy" TopDawg
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron

FM/LC Corran "Damn I'm Gorgeous" Horn
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron

FL/LCM Kaedryl "Beer Monster" Di'Mathe
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron


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Flight II - The Brylcreem Boys
Kissing Ass and Taking Names
FL/CPT "Mister Empire" Kou-Taiki
Flew Free-TIE 104 vs Typhoon Squadron
Awarded Grand Order of the Emperor for autographed photo of Jeremy Bulloch

FM/SL "Damien" Hedgie
Waiting for Free-TIE 104 score

FM/CPT "Old Man River" Fishbone
Flew Free-TIE 104 vs Typhoon Squadron
Promoted to FCHG Dragoon

FM/CM "Darth Vile" Xyrryc
Yet another ISM awarded - TopGun vs Thunder
Flew Free-TIE 104 vs Typhoon Squadron


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Flight III - The High Priests of Love
We're the Love Commandos and this is a Raid!
FL/CM Callum "The Shadow" Veers
ReFlew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 104 vs Typhoon Squadron
Flew TC-TIE 152

FM/MAJ Aven "Hermann the German" Kronn
FM/LCM "Uncle Fester" Jerry
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 104 vs Typhoon Squadron

FM/LT Kaoru "Junior" Miki
Flew Free-TIE 106 vs Thunder Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 104 vs Typhoon Squadron


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Peace, Love, Shave the Wookie.

CMDR/COL Kyle Kessler/Tornado Squadron/Wing X/ISD Challenge
MoH/IC/OoR/GOE/GSx2/SSx4/BSx9/PCx3/ISMx10/CoB/MoI-DC/ISx3/LoC-PSx34/OV-2E [PLDN]
[IWATS][IIC/3][M/2][SM/1][TT][XTT][XA-A][GFX]