Tornado Report # 14 (2000-11-10)

This report was submitted by COL Kessler


More Demented Ramblings from the oldest, boldest CMDR.


Still Kicking Ass And Taking Names

Tornado 3 - Battlegroups 1

Somebody stop us! Tornado vs Dagger results are in, and we just can't stop winning! Scores were as follows:

Tornado Average - 63,390
Dagger Average - 59.955K
TopGun - CM Xyrryc / Tornado

We're now flying against Omicron Squadron, of Wing VIII. Iota, also of Wing VIII, remain the only Squadron who've beaten us so far, and doubtless Omicron will be trying to make it Colossus 2 - Tornado 0. Fat chance! Mission to fly is Free-TIE 103.


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Supreme Squadron Series

Current phase is graphic design. We currently have 10 banners on display at http://ds.dial.pipex.com/town/square/xtc56/sss.htm. Voting on which one will be our quality submission takes place tomorrow (Saturday).


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Challenge Ace Champion

Commander "Darth Vile" Xyrryc retains his title as the Challenge Ace Champion because LT Miki flew, but forgot to send his tfr to the BGCOM :P The result wouldn't have changed anyway, since Xyrryc beat his score by a good margin. As of Wednesday next week CM Xyrryc, LC Oldham and CPT Kane will compete in a three-way fight to gain the title of Battlegroup Ace Champion. Xyrryc - go easy on them, okay?


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Tornado Welcomes The Child Of Satan

The arrival of Sublieutenant Hedgie in the Squadron was greeted by ominous signs and portents. The night before he arrived, CoHo threw three double-sixes in a row at the gambling tables, Jerry farted the tune to "The Omen" in his sleep, and Xyrryc dreamed of fluffy bunnies (trust me, that's WEIRD). It may have just been a co-incidence that the registration of the Lamda Class Shuttle that brought him onboard was HE11-666, it could have been mere chance that his eyes glow in the dark and his breath stinks of sulphur, but what really gave it away was when he shot fireballs from his eyes and toasted the Wing Chaplain to charcoal on the flightdeck for daring to say "Bless you my son". Spitting acid onto the ashes and making the sign of the horns at his new CMDR was just the icing on the cake. Hedgie has been heard muttering under his breath that "only that fool CMDR stands between me and my destiny now", but as long as he doesn't touch Kessler's Gin stash, we're prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt.

See the Squadron Personnel Profiles for photographic evidence.


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The Week in Quotes

"Oh shit, my dog just puked on the carpet!" - More of Jarak's domestic troubles next week :)

I'd rather suck my dick and die suffocating on it than be property of Ramos. Well I wouldn't go THAT far, but yeah.

Face it, you know I'm his favourite bitch. :P
<`Tally> I'll mudwrestle you for it
Done.
Ricaud and Talon fight to gain COL Darklord's affections

Now he's got a bugle up his arse and is farting "La Marseillaise" - Eurotrash - British TV at its finest.

Has DL passed out or something? It's not like him to be so quiet when we're talking about pussy. #ISD_Challenge, bring your children to the happiest channel on the Undernet!

* Kou-Taiki ensures he is far enough away from CoHo so that when Kess starts to scream, he doesn't get spat upon. - This man's smart. Someone promote him!

Oh dear....you should try using glow in the dark condoms.
DON'T CROSS THE BLADES!
More fun in #ISD_Challenge next week!

Damn, I wish Calvin was here. I feel the urge to taunt an Inferno pilot :P - Gracious as always, following the victory over Inferno Squadron

I'd LOVE to beat all of Wing IX :P
We don't need to beat Wing IX, just pull a drive by on Ric himself. :P
You're a Military Man. Grab a few guns, and drive down to his shack :P
4.5 Inch Gun - fire for effect, High Explosive, ENGAGE!
*** Ricaud has joined #ISD_Challenge
Hey Ricci
* Kessler flutters his eyelashes innocently
....
Hands up if you think we got away with it.

"COM/VA Corran Force SSSD Sov sounds nice... Nah, love the Chal more." CoFo's lucky he added that last part. I was about to have him shot.

Quote of the Week
Kou even sent me an essay he'd written on why Palpatine was justified in persecuting non-humans, because I'd questioned on IRC the moral integrity of the New Order. :P Yeah? What's wrong with that you rebel scum?

Quote of the Week Scores
Astatine 1 CoHo 3 Snake 1 Manitsas 2 Nebers 1 Stormfyld 1 Sarriss 2 Quake 1 Ricaud 1

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Dark Lord of the Week



The highly prestigious title of Dark Lord of the Week is only given to the person who has most advanced the success of the Squadron, amused the CMDR, or slipped me the most £5 notes in a brown paper bag. This week's winner is:

FL/CPT Kou-Taiki

For getting not one but TWO autographs from Jeremy Bulloch (Boba Fett) for the best ship in the Fleet



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Ewok of the Week


Yub Yub!

Every story has a hero, every journey has a first step, every Fleet has a pilot who thinks The Gettysburg Address was where President Lincoln lived . This weeks' Prize Ewok is none other than:

FM/MAJ TopDawg

Because he loves useless email chains (get some work done you bum :P)



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The Usual Suspects

Flight One - The Missile Magnets
Fighter Pilots Make Movies - Bomber Pilots Make History
CMDR/COL Kyle "Old Man" Kessler
Awarded BGCOM's CMDR of the Month - yay me!
Flew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron
Designed 7 Squadron banners for SSS Graphics Phase
Rat Pack TopGun for Squadron League Combat Runs - Bronze Star Awarded.

FM/MAJ "Snoop-Doggy" TopDawg
Flew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron
Designed 1 Squadron Banner for SSS Graphics Phase

FM/LC Corran "Damn I'm Gorgeous" Horn
Flew DB-TIE 8 - NEW HIGH SCORE
Flew TC-TIE 36 - NEW HIGH SCORE
Flew TC-XVT 2
Flew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron
Designed 1 Squadron Banner for SSS Graphics Phase
Awarded Order of the Vanguard - Second Echelon
Awarded Bronze Star for exceptional activity and overall good work during recent months

FL/LCM Kaedryl "Beer Monster" Di'Mathe
Flew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron
Awarded Order of the Vanguard - 5th Echelon


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Flight II - The Brylcreem Boys
Kissing Ass and Taking Names
FL/CPT "Mister Empire" Kou-Taiki
Reflew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron
Flew TC-TIE 165 - NEW HIGH SCORE
Flew TC-TIE 164
Designed 1 Squadron Banner for SSS Graphics Phase
Got a signed photograph of Jeremy Bulloch for the ISD Challenge (Boba Fett/LT Sheckil)

FM/SL "Damien" Hedgie
Joined Tornado from Daedalus

FM/CPT "Old Man River" Fishbone
Flew Free-XWA 21 - NEW HIGH SCORE
Flew TC-XWA 10 - NEW HIGH SCORE
Flew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron

FM/CM "Darth Vile" Xyrryc
Defending his Challenge Ace Pilot title against LT Miki
Flew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron
TOPGUN - Tornado vs Dagger - ISM Awarded
Retained Challenge Ace Champion Title. Challenging LC Oldham for Battlegroup Champion


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Flight III - The High Priests of Love
We're the Love Commandos and this is a Raid!
FL/CM Callum "The Shadow" Veers
Flew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron
Awarded Order of the Vanguard - Second Echelon

FM/MAJ Aven "Hermann the German" Kronn
Flew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron
Awarded Order of the Vanguard

FM/LCM "Uncle Fester" Jerry
Flew Free-TIE 103 vs Omicron Squadron - NEW HIGH SCORE
Flew Free-TIE 1

FM/LT Kaoru "Junior" Miki
Challenging CM Xyrryc for Challenge Ace Pilot title
Flew Free-TIE 113 vs Dagger Squadron


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Peace, Love, Shave the Wookie.

CMDR/COL Kyle Kessler/Tornado Squadron/Wing X/ISD Challenge
MoH/IC/OoR/GOE/GSx2/SSx4/BSx9/PCx3/ISMx10/CoB/MoI-DC/ISx3/LoC-PSx34/OV-2E [PLDN]
[IWATS][IIC/3][M/2][SM/1][TT][XTT][XA-A][GFX]

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