Vice Admiral BubbaX reporting on 1.9.2005


Greetings, munchkins of the TIE Corps!

Once upon a time, a jolly old BGCOM lived in a tree in a happy forest filled with magical creatures and active pilots. Then one day a wicked old-wolf-stepmother-witch burned down the forest. The jolly old BGCOM was sad. Then it rained and the old-wolf-stepmother-witch melted. Everyone lived happily ever after.

The above story has nothing to do with anything, and is just random filler for this report. Moving on.

In fleet news this week, GA Astatine assumed full control of the EH. This is good news to some, bad to others, most notably the nomadic peoples of the steppe region. Why? I can’t reveal my sources, I’m sorry. Also, CoLs will be awarded soon, or so I’m told.

The big news in the BGs this week is the announcement of the new BGs Flagship, the ISD Challenge. I have recently taken up quarters on the Chal, and have begun the “redecoration”. I’m sorry, Stuart, but I need more room for my zoo/amusement park, and so you’ll have to move in with Cor until we can find you some new quarters… the elephants will be occupying your current space.

In other news, a new competition has begun to determine the next winner of the TCCOM’s Own award. Your flag staff’s should have provided you with information regarding the comp already (and if they haven’t, they’ll be forced to watch Gigli), so I’ll spare you the basics and skip straight to clarification.

Casino Imperiale!
The basics are simple, you fly, you write an after-flight report, and you write a fiction. Here’s the thing, though. This will be scored by wing averages, much like ECR VI was. This means that everyone who doesn’t participate will be dragging their wing down, down, down. Luckily, there is a way around this for people who either don’t want to fly, or don’t want to write! As long as you do one or the other, you won’t be hurting the wing. Meaning that if you only write a fiction, you won’t be hurting the wing average, but if you don’t do anything, then shame on you. Yes, you. I can see you reading this. I know where you live. To conclude this, there is absolutely no reason to not participate, besides being a hippie. Don’t be a hippie.

Mysterious BG-wide Comp AKA “Operation: Luxury Yacht (Pronounced ‘Throatwobbler Mangrove’)”
I can’t tell you anything about this now, because I don’t want to ruin the surprise. I will say, however, that we have made significant progress on this since I initiated the project in my first week as BGCOM, and, barring death, disembowelment, hail, or nuclear fallout, the comp will be ready come Springtime!

Finally, to end this glorious amalgamation of all things gray and indecisive, I will include a portion of Murphys Law of Combat Operations, seeing as how we are a military (Read: Not) unit:

Murphys Law of Combat Operations:
1. Friendly fire - isn't.
2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
3. Suppressive fires - won't.
4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. When they're ready.
b. When you're not.
16. No plan ever survives initial contact.
17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.


That is all.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because
I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown

VA BubbaX

--
Vice Admiral BubbaX
TIE Corps Battlegroups Commander
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Captain Pixie the Lion (FW),
Wolf Squadron Commander
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BGCOM-PROF/VA BubbaX/TIE Corps Battlegroups
GS/SS/BSx3/PCx2/ISMx2/MoI-BC/IS-4BW-2BR-1SR/LoC-CSx9-Rx4/DFC-Rx2/CoLx2/CoB/OV-2E [LGNR] {IWATS-AIM-DW-FW-FWT-ICQ-M/1/2-RT-SM/3-WM-XAM-XTM/1-XTT}

CMDR/CPT Pixie the Lion FW/Wolf/Wing XVI/ISD Predator
{IWATS-FW}

VPX/RA BubbaX/VSD Warhammer
MoA/MCA
{BTA-CMD[STD]}