Pilot's Lounge
Bring the dice back! This week, you're "writing" your own Star Wars story:
Primary Problem
1 - The Empire has a new warlord with a new superweapon.
2 - Some alien race that is completely unrelated to the movies makes havoc.
3 - Lucas wants more royalties.
4 - A Dark Lord of the Sith is causing trouble.
5 - Jar Jar Binks is annoying everyone.
6 - There's a calamity in the Senate.
Secondary Problem
1 - The Bothans.
2 - Luke's force powers go away.
3 - The Bothans.
4 - Ackbar is framed by... Yes... the Bothans...
5 - Bounty Hunters or Commandos (or both) are trying to kill Leia and Han.
6 - The Bothans.
Secret Weapon of the Enemy
1 - The Sun Darkener.
2 - The Star Crusher.
3 - The Star Darkener.
4 - The Sun Crusher.
5 - The Death Star III.
6 - Some old force artifact that causes massive destruction.
Random Characters That Save the Heroes...
1 - Smugglers.
2 - Idiots.
3 - Rogues.
4 - Some random new alien race.
5 - A traitor in the Empire.
6 - Some "Girl Friday" of Luke's.
The Climax
1 - Leia is taken captive by the villain, and screams for help.
2 - Some random oppressed aliens get into a major confrontation will the villains.
3 - Luke's "Girl Friday" realizes she's not the first.
4 - Dork Fey'lya takes charge after using his "political savvy".
5 - Luke has an initial fight with the major villain using his lightsaber.
6 - Whenever Han says, "Hey, it's me".
The End
1 - The villain is killed by Luke in a lightsaber duel.
2 - The villain escapes in a lame fashion so he can be used in a sequel.
3 - After the villain ruins Lando's latest swindle operation, Luke, Leia and Han help Lando to move.
4 - The villain is stabbed by a traitor within his or her own ranks.
5 - George Lucas reminds everyone what suckers they are.
6 - The villain has been stopped from taking total control, but a sequel will follow.
Letters from the Cardinal...
More Star Wars: Episode III Preview
Palpatine: Clone army, report!
Clone1: Reporting, sir.
Clone2: Reporting, sir.
Clone3: Reporting, sir.
...
Clone100,000: Reporting, sir.
Palpatine: Anyone in the audience still awake? *Sigh*. Okay...
Palpatine: BATTLE SEQUENCE!
*Movie audience wakes up.*
Palpatine: Now, Nitwit, you've got a massive army, and they have no chance. Crush them!
gen.nitwit_15: well EASILY brush them!!!111!! which toothpaste?
Palpatine: Get out, you nimrod, you're not fit to lead the clone army.
gen.nitwit_15: nitwit, sir..........
Palpatine: Darth Vader, rise!
(Palpatine pushes a button on Vader's suit.)
Cheerful Voice: Sorry, Lord Vader is deep in hibernation. Please leave a message after the tone.
(Palpatine mutters and pushes another button on Vader's suit.)
Cheerful Voice: One coffee, there you go...
(Vader's suit opens and spits out a cup of coffee.)
Palpatine: General Grievous, weed out the Rebels!
(General Grievous enters with herbicide.)
Palpatine: Idiots, all of you!
News
- The "Run-of-the-Mill" competition is still running. See the "War Room" for details.
- XvT WoW is on now.
- The following factions are hostile on FW: Disac Pirates, Privateer Fleet, Black Sun and the Trade Federation.
- BubbaX is the new BeeGees BGCOM. Scary.
- Congratulations to Sarin on getting FA.
War Room
"How good bad music and bad reasons sound when we march against an enemy." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Run-of-the-Mill
Deadline: 11/28/2003
URL: http://www.ehtiecorps.org/competitions/details.asp?ID=1635
Description: There is one mission for each platform. IS-GWs, SWs and BWs will be awarded for the highest scores on each one. Also, there are three pictures from Star Wars separate from the missions. Submissions will be taken for humorous made-up captions to fit with these pictures. The best captions for each picture will earn an IS-GR, SR and BR.
Imperial Storm V
Deadline: Goodness knows.
URL: http://waroffice.minos.net.
Description: Big old wargame with the entire TIE Corps involved.
BGCOM's Legate
Deadline: Monthly.
Description: Titles for the top three pilots in the ASF each month. An IS-GW and the title of "BGCOM's Legate" for the winner.
Week of War Incentive
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1403.
Description: Iron Stars for ASF WoW winners! Hurray!
Recruitment Incentive
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1461.
Description: Recruit RSVists and help CTs train to help the ASF! Do it for the Flight! Do it for the Squadron! Do it for the Wing! Do it for the ship! Do it for the division! Do it for the club! Do it for your loved ones! Do it for the Emperor! Do it for the Fleet Commander! Do it for Vader! Whatever helps, really.
Battlegroup Commander's Office
Some submissions have come in for the Run-of-the-Mill competition. There's still a lot of time, so keep them coming. Everyone should be able to participate in some way, it's not meant to a particularly difficult competition to participate in. Other than that, I'm not really sure when our Imperial Storm V engagement will actually take place, could be any time now...
*Cue a wall of silence.*
Picture of the Week
Aggressor Strike Force
ISD Grey Wolf - 44
ISD Intrepid - 33
ISD Vanguard - 45
ISD Predator - 39
Avenger Squadron - 9
In the service of Dork Fey'lya,
Admiral Khadgar
Aggressor Strike Force Battlegroup Commander
BGCOM-FOA-COOA-PROF/AD Khadgar/Aggressor Strike Force
GOE/GS/SSx6/BSx6/PCx8/ISMx16/MoT-2gh/IS-2BW-8BR-1SW-7SR-1GW-1GR-1PR/LoC-IS-CSx5-Rx3/CoL/CoB/LoAx32/OV-4E
[ARCN] {IWATS-AIM-ICQ-IIC/1/2/3-M/1/2-PHP-SM/2/3-TT-VBS-XTM/1}