Pilot's Lounge
Jar Jar Binks compared to a kick in the teeth:
You may say, "At least Jar Jar Binks beats a kick in the teeth." Does he really?
Damage?
Kick in the Teeth: May leave a mark.
Jar Jar Binks: Damages three films to a large degree.
Winner: Kick in the Teeth
Pain?
Kick in the Teeth: Short-term pain.
Jar Jar Binks: Long term agony.
Winner: Kick in the Teeth
Language?
Kick in the Teeth: You may say some nasty things...
Jar Jar Binks: ... but it's not as bad as having to listen to him. I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Winner: Kick in the Teeth
Impact?
Kick in the Teeth: It hurts.
Jar Jar Binks: He bumbles around and sticks his tongue out. It hurts more.
Winner: Kick in the Teeth
So, by a score of 4-0, Jar Jar Binks does NOT beat a kick in the teeth. He may beat being shot, but it really depends on whether the person will recover or not, etc.
Letters from the Cardinal...
Rumored Changes to the Released Star Wars Trilogy DVDs:
1. Uncle Owen now forces Luke to live in a cabinet under the stairs, and refuses to let him "practice magic".
2. In a New Hope, Greedo shoots numerous bar patrons before Han shoots him.
3. At the end of Return of the Jedi, the ghosts are all replaced: Alec Guinness with Ewan McGregor, Sebastian Shaw with Hayden Christensen, and Yoda with Kermit the Frog.
4. Celebrations on all the core worlds are shown at the end of Return of the Jedi, adding an extra mundane hour to the movie.
5. Gungans will be at every major battle in the trilogy.
6. The actor playing the Emperor in the transmission in The Empire Strikes Back is replaced by Ian McKellen. The second Death Star is now built at "Mordor" instead of "Endor" as a consequence.
7. Jar Jar Binks sacrifices himself at the Battle of Hoth. Those of you who have seen Empire of Dreams will recall one writer saying, "Someone's got to die!"
8. "Luke, I am your godfather!"
9. On Endor, Han Solo now sports a whip and wears a brown hat.
10. Ted Stryker from Airplane! will be flying the SSD Executor (which explains why it crashes).
News
- Imperial Storm V rages on. Well, "rages" isn't really the proper word, there hasn't been any fighting "continues on" sounds right.
- Legate finally got approved for all Iron Stars, so those will be coming soon!
- Another SSL assignment was given out. The news item here is that the SSL is actually still on.
- Congratulations to those who stuck with the Summer Patrol and finished it.
War Room
"Force, and fraud, are in war the two cardinal virtues." - Thomas Hobbes
Imperial Storm V
Deadline: Goodness knows.
URL: http://waroffice.minos.net.
Description: Big old wargame with the entire TIE Corps involved.
BGCOM's Legate
Deadline: Monthly.
Description: Titles for the top three pilots in the ASF each month. An IS-GW and the title of "BGCOM's Legate" for the winner.
Week of War Incentive
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1403.
Description: Iron Stars for ASF WoW winners! Hurray!
Recruitment Incentive
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1461.
Description: Recruit RSVists and help CTs train to help the ASF! Do it for the Flight! Do it for the Squadron! Do it for the Wing! Do it for the ship! Do it for the division! Do it for the club! Do it for your loved ones! Do it for the Emperor! Do it for the Fleet Commander! Do it for Vader! Whatever helps, really.
Battlegroup Commander's Office
Really, there's not terribly much that's new in the TIE Corps right now aside from Imperial Storm V. Hence, this calls for a competition. Contact me if you're interested in doing mission design work in XvT, TIE or XWA. Since the TO is clamoring for more plot driven competitions (the plot of the recruitment competition is that you're a special envoy of the Emperor sent dangerously in to recruit on strange worlds, by the way), the missions will all have the same basic plot, but will be different in design.
Picture of the Week
Number Two Reason for Joining the Empire:
Aggressor Strike Force
ISD Grey Wolf - 44
ISD Intrepid - 38
ISD Vanguard - 50
ISD Predator - 40
Avenger Squadron - 6
In the service of Kermit the Frog
Admiral Khadgar
Aggressor Strike Force Battlegroup Commander
BGCOM-FOA-COOA-PROF/AD Khadgar/Aggressor Strike Force
GOE/GS/SSx6/BSx6/PCx8/ISMx16/MoT-2gh/IS-2BW-8BR-1SW-7SR-1GW-1GR-1PR/LoC-IS-CSx5-Rx3/CoL/CoB/LoAx32/OV-4E
[ARCN] {IWATS-AIM-ICQ-IIC/1/2/3-M/1/2-PHP-SM/2/3-TT-VBS-XTM/1}