Pilot's Lounge
I'm submitting this early because I'll be away for the weekend and returning on Monday. Enough of that, on with the report:
You may ask, is the Aggressor Strike Force right for you? Take this simple test to find out!
Section 1
What sort of craft do you fly?
A) TIE crafts! - Proceed to Section 2
B) X-Wings, B-Wings, etc. - Proceed to Section 3
C) My ride can make the Kessel Run faster than you can say, "bravado", and don't you forget it, buster! - Proceed to Section 4
Section 2
Would you be willing to serve a military dictatorship that blasts any opposition into smithereens?
A) YES! - Proceed to Section 5
B) No... - Proceed to Section 3
Section 3
The Rebels killed your parents! What are you going to do now, huh?
A) Defect to the Empire. - Proceed to Section 5
B) No, that's impossible! - Proceed to Section 6
Section 4
In the course of smuggling goods to pay for that hunk of garbage you call a spaceship, you get caught by an Imperial patrol. - Proceed to Section 7
Section 5
Congratulations, you are just the sort we're looking for! Sign up for the Aggressor Strike Force today!
Section 6
Despite the loss of your parents, you trudge on with your usual routine. During the course of your duties, you are shot down and crash on an Imperial controlled planet. - Proceed to Section 7
Section 7
You've made it into an Imperial prison! Unfortunately, you don't find this very exciting. Luckily, you're offered a chance to get out, they put the offer to you fairly simply... - Proceed to Section 2
Letters from the Cardinal...
Secrets in the Emperor's Storehouse
1. Craft with invulnerability shields, unlimited missiles, and the ability to speed up time by a factor of four. Hey, wait...
2. Copies of the first three movies without Jar Jar Binks.
3. A new and completed Sam and Max game.
4. The plans for the third Death Star, which allows for a wall to move in front of the shaft when needed.
5. The original Tarkin Doctrine, which was apparently really a request for party supplies.
6. TIE Interceptor: The Long Lost Sequel to TIE Fighter
7. TIE Interceptor: The Long Lost Sequel to TIE Fighter v 2.15 with Multiplayer upgrade and all of the bugs worked out, including the one that randomly causes your machine to explode. If you thought six was too good to be true, it was. You need the proper patch!
8. Palpatine's Favorites: Jar Jar Meets the Interrogation Droid
9. The secret of why they put so many apostrophes in Science Fiction names, from Sith Masters J'Krari and G'Qual.
10. The Emperor's Leisure Suit that he wears on weekends.
News
- Ding dong, the witch-erm-BGCOM's gone! Khadgar won't be available until Monday.
- The Commendations of Loyalty were submitted for the ASF before the deadline. *Phew*.
- Imperial Storm V: The Final Frontier-Whoops, wrong series-is starting on the 8th.
- The BGCOM's office is proud to announce that the "legitimate businessmen" Luigi and Dino Vercotti will be "looking into" any MSEs that don't slide across the desks of flag officers pretty soon.
- Get to ehnet.org right now and vote for "Hawkeye II" in the poll. To quote my comment on the site: "Hawkeye was the most interesting competition I've seen in my time here. It's time to give the old codgers like me that worked on the first one a chance to once again create the subterfuge, story and corny humor that made the first Hawkeye such a success!" Yes, it's shameless, but I'm not really caring at this point in the news.
War Room
"A pint of sweat earns a gallon of Iron Stars" - George Patton?
BGCOM's Legate
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1487.
Description: Titles for the top three pilots in the ASF each month. An IS-GW and the title of "BGCOM's Legate" for the winner.
Week of War Incentive
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1403.
Description: Iron Stars for ASF WoW winners! Hurray!
Recruitment Incentive
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1461.
Description: Recruit RSVists and help CTs train to help the ASF! Do it for the Flight! Do it for the Squadron! Do it for the Wing! Do it for the ship! Do it for the division! Do it for the club! Do it for your loved ones! Do it for the Emperor! Do it for the Fleet Commander! Do it for Vader! Whatever helps, really.
Battlegroup Commander's Office
I will be out of town for the weekend, and back in time to lead us in our bid for digital titles and website mentions in Imperial Storm V: The Empire Strikes Back (Whoops, did it again)! See that nice, big, bold "RECRUITMENT INCENTIVE" block sitting nicely in red above this? Yes, that's a good way to get an Iron Star if you recruited people from the RSVs or helped a CT train that joined the ASF. Talk to Khadgar if you think you're in line for these medals. Feel free to copy and paste the above test or other materials from BGCOM Reports if you think it would somehow convince potential recruits that the ASF really isn't that big, nasty BG that they don't want to join. We want to be that big, nasty BG that people do join! Wakka wakka.
Picture of the Week
Aggressor Strike Force
ISD Grey Wolf - 43
ISD Intrepid - 41
ISD Vanguard - 49
ISD Predator - 36
Avenger Squadron - 6
In the service of apostrophes,
Admiral K'hadgar
'Aggressor Strike Force' Battlegroup Commander
BGCOM-'FO'A-'COO'A-PROF/AD K'hadgar/'Aggressor Strike Force'
GOE/GS/SSx6/BSx6/PCx8/ISMx16/MoT-2gh/IS-2BW-8BR-1SW-7SR-1GW-1GR/LoC-IS-CSx5-Rx3/CoL/CoB/LoAx32/OV-4E
[ARCN] {IWATS-AIM-ICQ-IIC/1/2/3-M/1/2-PHP-SM/2/3-TT-VBS-XTM/1}