Pilot's Lounge
A Short History of the Empire:
Before the Empire, there was the Old Republic. As its name implies, it was a Republic run by old people. However, after locking Chancellor Vallorum in a broomcloset, Senator Palpatine took power. At the time, the Republic was run by powerful people with personal agendas. Palpatine sought to right this wrong by putting powerful regional governors with personal agendas in charge. Palpatine cleverly used a scheme to build up an army to base his power on. He reportedly told the Senators that the troops were needed to, "protect all of the bribes the Senate has garnered". This went over well with the majority of the Senate, and was quickly approved. However, as Palpatine grew more powerful, protests began. A leader by the name of Mon Mothball threw some tea in a river to protest taxation, which spurred a Galactic Civil War.
As new members joined Mothball in a newly formed Rebellion, they pledged not to disband until Palpatine would stop wearing black before Labor Day. Angered by this, Palpatine quickly put down this protest against his coercion with increased coercion. The Stormtroopers which once protected the Republic now enforced strict taxation and rules as part of Palpatine's new "Galactic Empire". The self-proclaimed Emperor Palpatine decided that the Constitution had been mis-interpreted and didn't actually call for a "Senate", but rather a "Huge Starfleet". Hence, the Imperial Navy was born, and Palpatine's method of controlling the stars was with really big ships.
The Rebellion was put on the run as the Imperial Navy looked in mostly wrong places. However, the Rebels got a new secret weapon, the X-Wing Starfighter. The X-Wings had the unprecedented ability to fire lots of red lasers, and absorb a lot of green lasers. At the Battle of Turkana, many Imperial pilots retreated after these new X-Wing fighters broadcast rap music over the communications channels, crippling Imperial morale. Disturbed by the Rebels new weapon, Palpatine ordered that the starfleet buildup be increased. Also, "Operation: Strike Fear" was put into action, which called for the Rebellion to be toast, history, no more, gone, out of the way, if you catch the drift. The Imperial Navy rooted out and destroyed several Rebel strongholds, which never dampened their resolve to make quips at Emperor Palpatine.
One such quip, coming from Mon Mothball herself insinuated that Palpatine couldn't tell a free planet from a hole in space. This gave Grand Moff Tarkin the idea to create a fearsome weapon so that a free planet would be a hole in space - The Death Star. Palpatine sent Tarkin and his favorite magician, Vader the Black, to stop the Rebels. However, the Rebels got the plans to the Death Star after Palpatine lost a game of blackjack. Vader captured Princless Leia, who was thought to have the plans, but she wouldn't tell where the Rebel base was, even for an exclusive hair stylist from the Empire.
During this time, a farm boy by the name of Luke Skywalker had left the farm. Normally we don't care about this sort of thing, but this farm boy brought the Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi and smuggler Han Solo to the Death Star. After the farm boy rescued Princess Leia, they escaped. However, Vader had cleverly planted a big sign on the back of the escaping Rebels' ship reading, "REBEL BASE HERE". With that, the Death Star moved towards Yavin IV, which was the Rebel base. However, the Rebels mounted a starfighter defense and managed to destroy the Death Star, which had been Palpatine's favorite moon-sized battlestation.
Palpatine wouldn't stand by any longer, and he ordered that the Rebel base be destroyed by his great looking and very powerful Imperial Navy. However, while having to make a pit stop along the way, the Rebels escaped to the ice planet Hoth. Vader was given command of a new Star Destroyer to track down the Rebels. In fact, it was so amazing that they called it the "Super Star Destroyer". During the search, Admiral Ozzel, Vader's second, was pessimistic. At one point he commented, "You're no where near the right planet. The search is cold." Vader was inspired by the "cold" part, and quickly located the Rebel base on Hoth without having to ask directions. Since the white Stormtroopers actually blended in with the snowy terrain, and General Veers also used powerful walking weapons called "Walkers" in the Battle of Hoth, the Empire quickly won.
However, the Rebels managed to escape using a punchline that caught Admiral Ozzel off guard. Distressed by Ozzel's lack of wit, Vader killed Ozzel and replaced him with the far more witty Captain Piett. Vader pursued the Millenium Falcon vigorously, because he wanted to turn Luke Skywalker to the Dark Side of the magical "Force", and because he was still pretty miffed about that whole Death Star blowing up part. Eventually Vader tracked them to Cloud City, which he took over under the protests of Lando Calrissian. Vader was able to bait Luke to Cloud City with his friends. At this point, Vader revealed a startling fact to Luke. "Luke", he said, "You're a bloody wimp". Luke was shocked at this, and replied, "I'd hate to be related to you!" Vader then let loose the ace up his sleeve, "You are, Junior!" Luke couldn't bear life after that, so he jumped off a bridge. Unfortunately, he survived and escaped the planet.
However, this is a diversion from a more important point. The Empire had decided that their first Death Star was pretty neat while it had lasted, so they decided to build a new one. Mon Mothball became rather grave and told everyone that they'd need to shoot up another exhaust port. Mothball and the fleet went to Sullust, because Mothball had to pick up her lucky rabbit's foot. The Rebels attacked the Death Star at Endor. The Death Star was protected in space by a large fleet, and on the ground by the Emperor's best troops. The Rebels made allies of furry natives to Endor, the Ewoks, after promising them their own cartoon series and action figures. Unfortunately, the Rebels and Ewoks caught the Emperor's best troops on lunch break, and they were thus defeated, and the shield lowered. Admiral Piett's wit was also not up to the task. After delievering his line to Ackbar, "Your ships seem to be doing well. Assuming they're trying to explode!" Ackbar countered with, "Ah, but we'll just shaft you again!" This reference to the Death Star's weakness proved fatal, and the Empire lost the Death Star and many ships. The Emperor had already died after being betrayed by Vader, who helped his son whilst Palpatine was heaping insults on Luke. Palpatine was so horrified that Vader turned his insults on him that he slipped and fell down a shaft, ending his life suddenly. Unfortunately, this also strengthed Ackbar's "shaft" pun.
After this, Grand Admiral Thrawn attempted to depose Mon Mothball, angered by the fact that she didn't pay any fees to the Empire for the tea that had been shipped to Coruscant during Palpatine's reign. Using clones, some old Dreadnoughts, duct tape, asteroids and cloaking devices, Thrawn managed to put the Rebels down for awhile. However, one day Rukh, Thrawn's "Noghri" bodyguard, decided that Honoghr, his home planet, shouldn't have to pay import fees on tea, either. Rukh stabbed him, and Thrawn died, unable to go on with his white uniform being stained.
Letters from the Cardinal...
Well Known Imperial Fighting Forces:
1. 567th Stormtrooper Brigade - The Expendible Many
2. 568th Stormtrooper Brigade - Inaccurate Brigade
3. Death Star "Off the Mark" Gunners - "We the inept, we the random"
4. The Greedy Warlord's Collective - "It's MY sector!" "No, mine!"
5. Feeble Squadron - "Awarded Pathetic Crosses for their work at Endor"
6. 1st "Awkward" AT-ST Endor Bridgade - "The Emperor's best men, but we never saw those logs coming!"
7. 2nd "Clumsy" Stormtrooper Endor Brigade - "The Emperor's best men, but we never saw those rocks coming!"
8. The Dark Sith Warriors Shrouded in the Darkness of the Dark Side - "Dying dramatically to Jedi for thousands of years"
9. Death Squadron - "Captain today, Admiral tomorrow"
10. Imperial Defectors - "The fleet under my command will die in your space, for a price"
News
- MAJ Malidir is the new Wing XIV WC. Congratulations to him!
- Wing XV WC is still open, but not for long. Get your money-erm-applications in!
- XvT Week of War started yesterday and runs until next Friday.
- The Aggressor will hopefully get more submissions when Iron Stars are offered for top submissions (soon). Stay tuned.
- Alpha Version 1.0a of the new Tactical Office page was released at http://tac.minos.net/. Version 1.1 is said to have even more new upgrades, including an "Auto-Fire" button for the use of the higher members of the TAC staff. It will automatically remove a tester from the TAC database and send them an angry mail explaining that they really pushed things too far by not testing that last mission. Also includes a mission submission form which automatically denies any submissions from authors such as Joey that generally vex and upset the TAC.
- That FMC banner competition actually uses Iron Stars. Whatever the price was to get merit medals, I guess the FMC couldn't afford it after all.
War Room
"An army marches on its Iron Stars." - Napoleon?
BGCOM's Legate
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1487.
Description: Titles for the top three pilots in the ASF each month. An IS-GW and the title of "BGCOM's Legate" for the winner.
Week of War Incentive
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1403.
Description: Iron Stars for ASF WoW winners! Hurray!
Recruitment Incentive
Deadline: Monthly.
URL: http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1461.
Description: Recruit RSVists and help CTs train to help the ASF! Do it for the Flight! Do it for the Squadron! Do it for the Wing! Do it for the ship! Do it for the division! Do it for the club! Do it for your loved ones! Do it for the Emperor! Do it for the Fleet Commander! Do it for Vader! Whatever helps, really.
Night of the Monks
Deadline: Each Friday at 3 AM - 6 AM EST.
Description: Weekly Multiplayer competition! Held in #EHCOC on IRC.
Battlegroup Commander's Office
Relating to the Aggressor - I plan to award Iron Stars for submissions.
Further, I'll send out some samples and suggestions to help people get started.
Drax tells me that the finalized decision for the Wing XV WC will be coming by the end of the weekend, so look for that.
Stay tuned for more as the week progresses.
Picture of the Week
Aggressor Strike Force
ISD Grey Wolf - 48
ISD Intrepid - 37
ISD Vanguard - 38
Avenger Squadron - 4
In the service of the Really Bad Star,
Admiral Khadgar
Aggressor Strike Force Battlegroup Commander
BGCOM-FOA-COOA-PROF/AD Khadgar/Aggressor Strike Force
GOE/GS/SSx6/BSx6/PCx8/ISMx16/MoT-2gh/IS-2BW-8BR-1SW-7SR-1GW-1GR/LoC-IS-CSx5-Rx3/CoL/CoB/LoAx32/OV-4E
[ARCN] {IWATS-AIM-ICQ-IIC/1/2/3-M/1/2-PHP-SM/2/3-TT-VBS-XTM/1}