SSSD SOVEREIGN NEWS, 5-7-03

COM/AD Proton reporting for the SSSD Sovereign, flagship of the Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet.

SOVEREIGN AND FLEET NEWS AND NOTES

-- My top order of business this week is to address the situation in Wing V. The new wing commander, MAJ Devin Taralis, has found that an exodus of pilots is under way. Some pilots trailed along after the previous WC and a departed CMDR who had applied for WC; one or two are looking at invitations from elite squadrons; and a bunch are being AWOLed (and should have been AWOLed under the previous administration). Bottom line, Wing V is slipping below 20 pilots. Therefore, I am making an open call to the entire ship to do what you can to assist in the rebirth of Wing V, The Hammer's Hellfighters. Major Taralis will be looking for CMDRs and seasoned veterans for FL and FM slots, and there is an all-points-bulletin out for recruits, too.

-- Sovereign Squadron League round 4 is in progress. Fly TIE-Free 183, XvT-Free 135, and XWA-Free 98 and submit them by May 9. Round 3 results attached to this report and will be posted on the Sov Web site soon.

-- Operation Outrageous Fortune, more space combat imminent.

-- Rat Pack vs Wing IV CMDRs. Flying TIE free mission 220. Deadline May 15.

-- Omega edges Sigma in a TIE battle. Congrats to Omega, and well fought by both squadrons:
SIGMA SQUADRON
================
CM Cahir : 405,176 pts.
MAJ Artyis : 401,852 pts.
LT Mateusz : 334,936 pts.
MAJ Al R.S. : 326,442 pts.
MAJ Koriel : 283,001 pts.
CM Grzmot : 152,040 pts.
================
Total of Six Highest Scorers : 1,903,447 pts.
OMEGA SQUADRON
================
CMDR/COL Sasquatch : 372,511 pts.
FM/LC Ixion Deathbringer : 316,636 pts.
FL/COL Brian : 366,374 pts.
FL/CPT Night Grue : 460,301 pts.
FM/MAJ Brandon : 407,081 pts.
================
Total of Six Highest Scorers : 1,922,903 pts.

-- Wing III vs. Wing IX. TIE, XvT and XWA portions. Go Wing III!

-- COMs and BGCOMs vs. WCs. Another chance for the elders to abuse the punks. ;)

FORCE STRENGTH

-- Give a big Sovereign welcome to these new or returning pilots:
FM/SL Stupidace/Sadhe 2-3
FM/SL Granite/Sigma 2-2
FM/SL Valcinius/Gamma 3-3

SSSD Sovereign [169]

Wing I [29]
Wing II [38]
Wing III [36]
Wing IV [45]
Wing V [20]

Omega [9]

SHIP COMPETITIONS

-- Sovereign Ace Multiplayer Competition, Each Tuesday at 13:30 - 17:00 EST.
-- Sovereign Nighthawk Multiplayer Competition, each Friday night in
#ehcoc on IRC, 3 to 6 p.m. eastern time.
-- Sovereign Squadron League, round 4 under way. Pilots, fly free missions TIE-Free 183, XvT-Free 135, and XWA-Free 98 and send the pilot file(s) to your CMDR by May 9.
-- SBOTM: The SBOTM is on hiatus for the duration of the Squadron League season. Watch for the return of the SBOTM in September.

SHIP COMMUNICATIONS

IRC channel: #SSSD_Sovereign
Message board:
http://boards.minos.net
The SSSD Sovereign Cantina Song:
http://www.minos.net/~proton/drink.html

KILLJOY OF THE WEEK

"If all you guys are going to do is bs and thump on your chests. Then please
in all future e-mails on this chain, remove my address." -LC Samuel Shadd III

"Bragging rites is one thing, 20 or 30 e-mails of bs every day is another.
Stop talking and do something." LC Samuel Shadd III

TRASH TALK OF THE WEEK

"Boohya! Gamma SMEARS Delta in 2 out of 3 divisions! What's the matter Argon? can't keep up?" -CM Sirik

" Two out of... We don't fly XvT, numbnuts ;P " -MAJ Argon Viper

"Pfft, you're Wing Commanders, more like preanimate sludge if you ask me ;) " -MAJ Argon Viper

"YOU CALL THAT TRASH TALK?!?! LISTEN UP, MAGOT! THIS IS TRASH TALK!
I've chewed on, swallowed, DIGESTED, vomited up, chewed again, and
them SPAT OUT trash talk a lot worse that that! Go back to Daedelus
and demand a refund, because they didn't teach you to talk trash,
FOO!" -LC "Trash-Talkin' Foo'" Freelancer

"Hey pel, Why don't we have a CS group and really show these "punks" what flying is all about!" -AD Cyric

CANTINA COMMENTS

"*shakes fist* Just because I linger in the cantina for one-third of the day, experiment with brain pills for the second third, and sleep for the last third of the day, doesn't mean I'm not an active pilot!
/me adds up the thirds
....be right back! :P *runs* " -LCM HicRic

"What ever happened to "just kill them all, kill all the Rebels!" ? ;) " -AD Proton

"I don't care what anyone says, that's still my favorite part!" -COL Sasquatch

" Oh ... look ... that was a ... scorptrooper ...
(*Faints*)
(I have a lot of bad memories of those scorps!!!)
;-) " -COL Sasquatch

"Naaa they aren't that bad! When I was WC, I was down there so much that i had a 2nd office installed down there >:P (Down there being The Pit!) They aren't that bad when you get used to the stinging.. And let me tell you, some of them can really put away the liqour!! >:P " -VA Joe

"Reminds me of the time I went to a football game with a friend and we
each had a fifth of rum. I drank about half of mine and he downed most of
his. On the way out he slapped a woman on the @$$ and almost got his head
taken off by the woman's husband. When I dropped him off at home he
passed out on his front lawn." -AD Proton

"Huh, this reminds me, it seems I was always the just-sober-enough fool
who drove all the passed-out guys home to tumble out onto their
doorsteps. I made it home myself with all windows down and the stereo on
top volume :) ... what idiots; it's amazing I'm still alive." -AD Proton

" Just one more example of having to learn from our mistakes.. now we *KNOW* not to be the one who is juuuust sober enough to drive everyone else home.. Hell, even if you are, just play dead (passed out).. it should work Bwhahahaha" -VA Joe

"Hey Joe, that one pilot would probably give Grue the biggest need for "Pepto-GrueMal" ever experienced.
Grue is getting old and must be mindful of the Quality as well as Quantity of meats these days. :-)" -CPT Night Grue

"Because I'm the one, the only, Freelancer, Argon. Nobody could
replace me, should I die. As such, Mike's holding it over my head. He
ordered the bartender not to kill me until such time as his order is
rescinded.
As you can guess, he keeps that as insurrance against me stealing HIS
booze (and you all thought I stole from Proton because his PPB is
better stocked! HAH!... Well, it IS, but this also influences my
choice.)
P.S. You know that 1/4 booze Gen left under my bunk? It's still
there, but not even Emperor Palpatine with Lord Vader at his side and
a legion of Crimson Guard would dare venture under there until the EH
Disease Control Center declares underneat my bunk as **only**
instantly lethal (which would be a step down from "radiating lethal
fumes")
So for the long-term future, until such time as ecological plans are
enacted (they are being planned), Gen, and everybody else, is unable
to gain access to this booze.
So NYAH! :P " -LC Freelancer

"Well, that explains why so many of my force sensitive frogs have died recently...
You see, you're wrong, those are actually mushrooms genetically engineered to look like bottles of expensive booze (after all, everyone knows that real glass and most metals would melt from the toxicity of Free's room).
In fact I'm suprised that we were able to recover enough to blow up in the shuttle." -COL Gen

"I'm a little unclear as to why you blew it up.. Gen. Baby. Pal. You
coulda sold it to the COM for a FORTUNE!
All that just because of the terrible Milk Problem you've acquired...
Tsk Tsk.. See what milk does to people, Wing I? Don't let it happen
to you!" -LC Freelancer

"oh..ahem...I mean I didn't blow it up...ahem....
I was selling it to Omega Squadron...and ahem.....
the People's Front for the Liberation of Turnips attacked it....
yeah, that's it, that's the ticket....." -COL Gen

"Don't let THIS happen to you! Drink booze! Now!
(This message brought to you from a concerned Wing I pilot)
(This message paid for by the council to liberate Mike's credit
cards)" -LC "I care" Freelancer

"/me looks down, and spits out what I am drinking
What the hell?!?!?!?!?!?
So that’s why I haven’t been flying as much.
Let this be a lesson to you Wing I, don’t drink milk, it makes you forget to do your duties." -CM Gyssler

" How about Kronar, he needs more blood alcohol in order to present a good Wing I image to those Omegas he's joining ;) " -MAJ Argon Viper

"Liberate Mike's credit cards...? Why don't you just do this. /me quickly grabs Mike's wallet and dashes for the door. The socktroopers come too late to stop the one accustomed to running from LSD&B, so Argon is turned loose on the Sov with all of Mike's credit cards, cash, receipts, and personal ID ;P " -MAJ Argon Viper

"Quick, we must liberate the turnips!!" -MAJ Argon Viper

"Joining Omega? What the Sith? Argon, did I hear you wrong, or do I
have to kill you????" -LC Freelancer

"Now I'm not sure if I'm foolish for replying, or whether I'd be foolish not
to reply." -LT Kosin

"Woooo, check out mah new threads!!! Nice 1 X, you don't my any chance offer
a laundry/ironing service as well do you....thought I'd wear my uniform out
last night....dried vomit and bantha burger stains are just so darn stubbon!" -MAJ Brandon
"I've turned Gen to the milk side.. too bad he's not the WC anymore...
He could have a good influence. Now.. I'm off to turn Omega.. When
1337 pilots are drinking milk everyone will have to do the same if they
wanna be like them! And let's face it! Who doesn't wanna wear a pansy
red uniform and have acces to an infinite supply of canes and pre-
chewed food!?
You don't know the powerrrrr of the milk side.." -CM Ras Kronar

"I say bring it on! Lets show these over-sized egomaniac Wing Commander's how we old skool pilots get things done! errr..... Sure, I'm game. ;P " -VA Wil Striker

"Oh, hey X, thanks for the uniform!
It goes much better with what Grue is drinking! :-) " -CPT Night "Fangs R Us" Grue

"Kronar, LOL, you foo', you're not signed up for a retirement home! You'd
better count on doing some serious flying over there in Omega, because
those mean old veterans mean business these days! Omega is No. 1 in the
SSL in TIE ..." -AD Proton

"Kronar in Omega... Man! I'm SO gonna smack Sas upside the head for
this! Not that he's at fault.. It'll just make me feel better." -LC Freelancer

"It's not a retirement home!?!?! Holy carp what have I signed up to!
*tears big chunks of hair out of his skull*
I know I should have signed that thing in blood... *grumbles*
Work makes K cry *sniff*
P.S. I ALWAYS fly for comps :P And I've been known to do extra
terrestrial flying.. uh.. or something like that *shifty eyes* " -CM Ras Kronar

"Aww that's ok Free.. I'll still come and visit.. I know you liked the tea
parties we had together but seriously don't cry... I'm sure you'll find a
new friend to play "house" with..
Cheer up dude ;)
Uh.. what?
Oh that's not what he meant? Well how was I supposed to know! I'm
not a frickin oracle!
Oh wait...
*slithers out the door* " -CM Ras Kronar

"Heh, I think Ras just "outted" Freelancer, but not sure what to ... ROTF!" -AD Proton

"You should have played UO back in the days. One of my characters names was numbnutz." -CM Gyssler

"Really? I can't accept that, someone had to have used the word 'numbnuts' before me... it's just... unthinkable that it's gone on this long... /me runs and hides ;P " -MAJ Argon Viper

"Wise Words From Bubba
The cow in the pudding seeks no hands. You figure it out :) " -CM BubbaX

"As a result of the unexpected "thwaping" received from Sirik, Kahooli
proceeds to the cantina and waters down the alcohol as a measure of
revenge." -LCM Kahooli

" You fool!! He only drinks water!!! /me watches as the rest of the wing kills Kahooli for watering down the booze ;P " -MAJ Argon Viper

"As a result of witnessing Kahooli's act, Freelancer replaces all Milk
products on the ship with Mylanta." -LC Freelancer

"The great news about the milk being replaced with mylanta is that no
one will have annoying tummy aches anymore...he has done a great
service for the wing and should be applauded. I tip my glass of
mylanta to you Free" -LCM Kahooli

"Noooooo...you do not realize what you have done. Kahooli does not
drink alcohol so he must drink milk. You have doomed us all.
Where can I purchase a cow?" -LCM Kahooli

"Is vomited up a phrase? Anyways, a word from Uncle Sirik, Kahooli, stay VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY FAAAAAAAAAR away from Freelancer or any other person in this Wing if you value your life...of course, the alternatives are learning to trash talk, letting anyone in the Wing kill you, or isolate yourself in that airlock over there." -Uncle Sirik Xirok, it's a beutiful day in the wing-borhood, won't you be my wingmate?

"I'm sorry COL, I don't see how you can sing a celine dion song, and still
retain your manhood :) Even if you belted it out in a super macho way :) I
wouldn't be spreading that around too much...." -AD Cyric

"Heh.. I don't there's much that I could do anymore that would convince
Wing IV that I'm normal.. so I don't tend to worry about what I say :p
Besides, after Celine, I did a little a capella Tom Petty, so that helped
raise the manliness level a bit.." -COL Ricardo

"Mike walks up and punches Kahooli in the gut.
"So, how's that tommy ache now? Gone?" -LC Mike "violence is the answer" Chistu

"ROFLMAO
Look, everybody, Mike's gonna change his last name to Tyson!
(*Goes to forge a Mike-released Wing-Wide order requiring ear
protection for all pilots*) " -LC Freelancer

"Kahooli begins to realize the error of his ways...everyone knows that
Wing I pilots fly better when liquored up. Kahooli does what needs to
be done and acquires the much needed alcohol from the other wings
cantinas aboard the Sovereign and declares free drinks for everyone
in Wing I, and doubles the price for the now alcohol-less other wings." -LCM Kahooli

"You will come to know the power of the dark side! CPT Vector will
appreciate that you drink only water...it leaves more alcohol for
him." -LCM Kahooli

" What alcohol??? Where?????? CPT Vector frantically runs to the cantina and begins to chug a bottle of Coriellian Ale. Ah much better now." -CPT Vector

"Decisions, decisions...what to do.
Stay away from everyone in the Wing because I value my life..
or
learn to trash talk, let someone in the wing kill me, or isolation..
I just don't know what to do..." -LCM Kahooli

"I'm now completly unsure what side I'm on. First, I'm a WC, therefore I
must help my wing. THen we recreated the Rat Pack, so I spent my time
making fun of them and flying to beat them. Proton was a part of
this. But NOW he's over here saying he's gonna whoop my butt. I don't
understand!!!" -LC Mike "brain hurt" Chistu

"The Wing CMDR's administering tough love...although there is no
mention of the atomic body drop off the top of the Alpha airlocks...I
guess the cranial impact has caused some memory loss
It you smell, what kahooli is cookin' " -LCM Kahooli

"hi this is arlin (new kid on the block)ive been reading all the wing 1 messages and have come to the following conclusion youre all raving mad !!! (do i get any bonus points for this acute observaton?)" -LT Arlin

"Now here's the rep for Mike Tyson Chistu, Don King Freelancer!
"My fighter, Tyson Chistu, is the most conflabulatorialationist,
wondertabulous fighter of all times! His right hook is the most
perfectorious multitudinally powerfunktious swing of al times! Here he
is! Mike...Tyson...Chistu!!!!"
"Hey, everybody! I'm gonna win this fight. I will, tear, bit, or pull
anything that gets in my way on my trip to the title of the greatest
fighter of all times!" -LC Mike "Tyson" Chistu

"Heh, I didn't say goodbye, because you're not going anywhere, really.. I'm
still going to see your Canadian ass on IRC, -right-? :p " -COL Ricardo

" /me runs off before a scorptroop can get him!" -COL Brian

"Mi....lk? Oh Milk!! I think a buddy of mine used to pour that stuff all
over his Rancor Flakes in the morning, but since I introduced him to Omega
Brewery's finest produce as an alternative, he's never had any
regrets.....basically because he's tanked to his eyeballs 24/7 and couldn't
care less about anything. I remember a bantha sat on him once...but I
guess you had to be there for that one :P
Welcome to the squad Ras :) Hope you're not too attached to your internal
organs..." -MAJ Brandon

"actualy i didnt join voluntarily
I was having a nice quit drink by myself in the local cantina when this stranger (dressed like some kind of monk with a hood ) sits down opposite me and says"psssst" I reply not yet but im working on it ,some monkey then hits me on the backof the head and i wake up on Dadealus with a hang over ,a tatoo, ?and signed up to the corp for 15 years, which is realy good cause now i dont have to see the wife so much. is this the usual recruiting method" -LT Arlins

"watch them in med bay ,im sure it was them that gave me the tatoo" -LT Arlins

"Hmmm ... Kramer good ... Brian Evil :-P " -CPT Night Grue

"Look, let's get our priorities straight here. To heck with winning comps
and quelling revolts ... someone take Ops' bong away from him. Dude gotta
be high ... ;) " -AD Proton

"I'm kinda bored and sick of drinking (heresy, I know for Wing III
and a college guy) ... " -LC Josh Popelka

"Greetings my pepole
This is your MASTER GA_SKIPPY. i come befoer you to announce my control of wing II. I have taken control for tonight in my drunken wisdom to help better this wign and its people's... so here goes *dont' mind my spelling i'm drunk*
- FROM NOW UNTIL I"M SOBER ITS FREE TACO"S IN THE MESS HALL!!!
- All people who's e-mails contan an @ shall hearby call me MASTER.
-bow whenever addressing me.
-BRING ME MORE HAPPY JUICE. and once i'm too drunk to sstane up straight.... feel free to drink some for yoursellf. and report to my Second in command my faithful servent volo who also wanted me to infor our friends from wing III of these transgreations as well.... Wing III feel free to accept offerings of peace and partake in my free taco reign along with your Wing II brothers and sisters.
That is all for now my people... feel free to run play.. and drink marrely. and to my dear friend stele. you shall have your wing back when i have a hangover tomorrow morning so no worries =D
Thank you all greatly. your drunking commander.
MASTER GA_SKIPPY.
P.S. the GA part was given to me by my second Volo who said only my drunken greatness has allowed me to earn it... and i can only be called GA_Skippy while intoxicated got it all. thank you my people for your attention good night..." MAJ Seth Crimson

"Traditions:
Alpha's Airlock expulsion...
The running bet of paying off Freelancer's bar tab at 100 credits a pop when
we agree with him for any reason..." -MAJ Talons Pryde

"Don't forget offering of the meal to new Cadets(Grey lumps with brown sauce or brown lumps with grey sauce) and Cadets' and Sub-Lueitants Flight Suits(French Maid Outfit)." -CM Sirik

"Traditions:
The lack of Pants in the Lambda Barracks.
(The closest you'll get is a kilt but don't ever make fun of a man wearing
one!) " -MAJ Nebular

"Gah, tacos. Nasty. Ugh. *heaves* " -CPT Psyko

"I gave someone a medal? Nah... Couldn't of been... No way I could have
been in the giving mood after having to process EVERY STINKING ONE of
those BSFs :-P " -GN Devin

"You love to see your pilots being active, but it's always a love/hate
type of thing when they submit 60 pilot files at a time ;-) " -COL Sasquatch

"You guys are supposed to lead by example, not avarice ;) " -AD Proton

"Well ... maybe by example AND avarice ... or maybe avarice AND example
..." -COL Sasquatch

"I'm glad you didn't decide to try stealing the database, then breaking off into your own club. Although ... "Compton's Online Barrel of Monkeys" ... it has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?" -COL Sasquatch

"Well ... hopefully we can convert Ras to the "Booze Side" of the force.
I mean, an Omegan WITH a colon? I don't know about that." -COL Sasquatch

"Sounds almost as fun as the "Imperial Glee Club".
But I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of such an organization." -GN Compton

"btw hey i'm the most annoying guy here. as html mails are more annoying
than me they are forbidden to do.
I think Wolvie should put that in Squadron Standing Orders" -Pe'ret

"Yeah maybe your ISP and his ISP had a wild passionate affair but now they aren't talking to eachother... ya know how it goes... :P " -VA Joe

"Time yet again for the Omega Squadron report! Brought to you LIVE from our fabulous studios aboard the SSSD Sovereign. The Omega Squadron report was filmed in front of a live studio audience." -COL Sasquatch

"Wooo, go Sas, good skillz!! :) Mad props to the man up top and all that
malarchy. Seriously though, 'grats, its well deserved. But enough
arse-kissing, I do believe that the cantina tab has switched from Ras to
you....I might risk a milk and rum cocktail, I'm feeling exotic! Limbo
anyone?" -MAJ Brandon

"AAARRGHHH!! HE IS GONE!!!
Soon, bring some more alcool to this man, until he collapse again!
Oh, no! Arrghh! I feel ... I can't stop ... dancing like a monkey...
OOH OOH OOH AAH AAH AAH OOH OOH OOH AAH AAH AAH
OOH OOH OOH AAH AAH AAH ..." -LC Ixion Deathbringer

"We will make a man out of you, Willis!" -GN Stele Pellaeon

" *uses Jedi powers on you*
I am a good CMDR. I always do my reports on time. I deserve a promotion to
Major, a statue
in my honor, and a parade." -CPT Zekkie

"So what group does Stele fall into, hermaphrodites? :P " -LC Mickk Emrys

"Heh, what IS in that milk?!? Pass some here....*sniff* Whoa, dude, I think
the cow this comes from lives on a whiskey ranch or near a student campus or
something :P " -MAJ Brandon

OFF-TOPIC QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"A coach doesn’t have to be a paragon, but what’s he doing with a “Natty” Light in his hand, drinking with kids who will be “worshipping the porcelain god” or “talking to Ralph on the big white telephone” by the end of the night? " -Sally Jenkins, Washington Post

""I'll tell you one (bleeping) thing. I hope we get (bleeping) hotter than (bleep) just to stuff it up them 3,000 (bleeping) people that show up every (bleeping) day. Because if they're the real Chicago (bleeping) fans, they can kiss my (bleeping bleep) right downtown, and PRINT IT.
Eighty-five percent of the (bleeping) world's working and the other 15 come out here -- a (bleeping) playground for the (bleep-bleepers). Rip them (bleepers). Rip them country (bleep-bleepers) like the (bleeping) players." -Lee Elia, Chicago Cubs manager, excerpts from a 1983 tirade

SHIP KARAOKE INCIDENT OF THE WEEK

GN Compton "doing the Limbo" :

Every pilot boy and girl
All around the EH world
Gonna do the limbo rock
Kill them Rebels 'round the clock
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack drink until he get sick
Chamber one more round in Glock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock

(this is the part where one should dance like a monkey)
OOH OOH OOH AAH AAH AAH

Limbo lower now
Limbo lower now
How low can you go?

First you fly your limbo TIE
Then you make the Rebels die
Limbo Sovereign, you see?
Drink until you have to pee
Compton limbo, Compy quick
Comp go unda limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock!

OOH OOH OOH AAH AAH AAH
(again, the part where you dance like a monkey)

la la la etc (instead of instrumental break)

Shoot yourself a Rebel girl
Or blow up her Rebel world
Destroy Rebel moon above
Grue will fall in limbo love
To make drinks he will be quick
Bloody Rebels make us sick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock

Don't move that limbo bar
You'll be a limbo star
How low can you go

LYNYRD SKYNYRD LYRICS OF THE WEEK

I was cutting the rug
Down at a place called The Jug
With a girl named Linda Lu
When in walked a man
With a gun in his hand
And he was looking for you know who.
He said, "Hey there fellow,
With the hair colored yellow,
Watcha tryin' to prove?
'Cause that's my woman there
And I'm a man who cares
And this might be all for you."

-----
COM/AD Proton/SSSD Sovereign
SSx4/BS/PC/ISMx2/IS-1BW-1SW/CoL/OV-3E [PLDN] {IWATS-FLA-RT-SM/2}