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(Editor-droid's note: This likely will be the last week of excessively long Cantina Comments sections. Some pilots have requested tighter editing. So, it's less work for me -- I'll be more selective after this week).
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COM/VA Proton reporting for the SSSD Sovereign, flagship of the Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet.
SOVEREIGN AND FLEET NEWS AND NOTES
-- Gamma Squadron may be re-opened soon as things are picking up in Wing I.
-- Vav Squadron closes, with the two remaining pilots reassigned elsewhere in Wing III. GN Kalar is starting a Wing III recruitment drive.
-- CoLs:
http://www.uwinnipeg.ca/~howlader/ops/awards.htm
Congratulations to the many winners aboard the Sov!
-- Training Manual Updated!
05:11 - AD Mell Kerrigan [mell@tiecorps.org]
just a quick note to state that a much needed Trainng manual update has just been completed
you can find the manual at http://www.imperialacademy.org/to/manual/
- From FO/FA Priyum: I'm looking for a new Flight Office banner! I'm getting a bit bored with the old one, so I'd like a new snazzy one, around 400x50 pixels in size. If you have some graphical skills and are not averse to earning yourself a shiny medal, then please have a go. Banners should be zipped and sent to fo@emperorshammer.org
- Also from the FO: I'm also looking for TCers that can build levels for Jedi Knight II for a little project. If you're interested, again, please email me at fo@emperorshammer.org.
-- Reminder about mission skipping
03:57 - FA Striker [striker@tiecorps.org]
You are not authorized to skip any mission. Bug or not. All missions of the Compendium have been completed one day or another, you may have misunderstood the way to complete the mission. Fatal bugs are very rare, and if it happens to be that, just wait for it to be corrected and hold on your pilot file, do not submit it. DON'T SKIP ANY MISSION. The battle would be anyway removed later from your profile. Just a waste of time for everyone.
-- From RA Joe: The RO Office needs someone who can put up a PHP database or a damn good HTML site for something I have cooked up. If interested in helping, and reaping rewards from the RO, contact Joe at Noon001@aol.com
-- Latest report from COL Stele on the upcoming Wing II vs Wing III event: And for those of you wishing for more blood, the "Idea of Death" competition against Wing 3 will commence next week. It will consist of a little bit of flying, graphics and run on messageboard fiction. Yes, it does slightly overlap with the Sovereign Bombing Run Blowout but activity is not too demanding for this competition. LCM Timmay is now working on the competition site and it will be up at http://www27.brinkster.com/wingII/w2vw3 But for details about the competition visit the approved details at http:// www27.brinkster.com/wingII/w2vw3
-- The Sovereign Bombing Run Blowout continues, details on the War Room page at http://sov.minos.net. The next deadlines are Aug. 31 for the XWA ladder finals (CPT Vector, LC Jon Doyle and LC Freelancer qualified for the final round) and Aug. 31 for the TIE mission 2 segment.
FORCE STRENGTH
-- A big Sovereign welcome to new or returning pilots:
FM/SL Devil Fish/Sin 3-2
FM/SL James Parrish/Beta 1-3
FM/CPT al'Lan Mandragoran/Beth 2-4
-- COL Stele is in firm control of the La-Z-WC as the other WCs drool and fondle the lush fabric.
SSSD Sovereign [186]
Wing I [37]
Wing II [41]
Wing III [35]
Wing IV [37]
Wing V [35]
Omega Squadron [8]
SHIP COMPETITIONS
-- Under way, the Sovereign Bombing Run Blowout. The competition will run for eight weeks. Elements include four custom TIE free missions, an XWA ladder and fiction and art categories. Also, the winning squadron and wing in this event will be awarded the titles of COM's Own. All details can be reviewed at http://sov.minos.net -- click to the War Room page.
-- Sovereign Nighthawk Multiplayer Competition, each Friday night in #ehcoc on IRC, 3 to 6 p.m. eastern time
-- Get ready for the "Super Sovereigns." This will be a humongous ship competition in October.
SHIP COMMUNICATIONS
IRC channel: #SSSD_Sovereign
Message board:
http://boards.minos.net
The SSSD Sovereign Cantina Song:
http://www.minos.net/~proton/drink.html
CANTINA COMMENTS
"Need a plan for a good battles/missions.
Avoid "killkillkill" missions." -MAJ Philo
"I remember now! I was actually FO when the Baron title was created. I was pissed because Talon, who had been practically AWOL for months, still wouldn't step down as TAC. So they created the Baron title basically to get me to shut the hell up about it." -GN Compton
"Please note this is me forwarding the SOV news, please kindly all read or nuts will be kicked. And yes i am getting more evil" -GN SickMan
"I TRIED! But... But... They hurt me, and called me mean names!
They... They... Threatened to get so stinky I couldn't sleep at
night. I ended up trading the space under my bunk to them in exchange
for a peace treaty...
*hangs head in shame*" -FL/LC Freelancer/Messy Barracks 3-1/Bunk over the evil socks I/SSSD Socks-ereign
"Dude... Be quiet! Didn't you ever wonder why we never had to take the
mandatory mental health deficiency screenings? Don't you wonder how
we can get past the breathalyzers in the hangars as we enter our
cockpits?
Some wings have very strict safety requirements, to ensure that
they're flying sober, healthy, and that above all, the safety of the
pilot is considered first.
Thanks to Gen, we don't HAVE to do any of that! We can drink, fly
drunk, be mentally insane according to medical panels on up to five
sectors, and legally incompetent to be within 500 meters of a TIE,
and yet Gen would STILL let us kill outselves in a fiery collision ..
uh.. into the .. um.. hangar deck.....
On second thought... THANKS GEN... :( *cough*sarcasm*cough*
Hrm... Safety, which would negate booze, or booze, which would negate
safety? Ya just CAN'T have both, can you?
Eh, screw it :P Keep what we got: lots and lots o' booze!" -LC Freelancer
"Breathalizer tests? We're supposed to have breathalizer tests? Hmmm... I don't think Joe could've passed one of those back in Wing VI, might explain the lack of em ;P " -CPT Argon Viper
"I think I might have to find a way to Send Sicky and his team(and my monkeys) to teach GN what's his name from Omega a lesson, NO ONE CAN HAVE FLYING MONKEYS BUT ME! Now fly my precious monkeys of death! *Lifts his arms and swarms off mini fighters loaded down with prank weapons fly out towards Omega's hangar and baracks.* " -MAJ Murkrow Defender
" And people wonder why I don't often go to the Lamb-da barracks(baaa ;P). Yup, just give me the moderate to disgusting filth of Delta and I'll happily skip the lethal filth of the sheep ;) " -CPT Argon Viper
"I think it would be a good Omegan, if his liver and colon are dissolved.
If they aren't ... it would only be a matter of time here ...
*Reminds nostalgically his liver and his colon*." -LC Ixion Deathbringer
"Lamb-da? I always thought it was Lamb-duh ... for all the in-duh-viduals.
Just a thought from my cubicle." -CPT Killer
(alias Killer-bert, the evil flight lead)
"To quote Gandalf, "Have a care!"
Them's fightin' words!" -LC Freelancer
"On a ship where the water glows green, and slimes out of the tap and
up the wall to ambush you from the ceiling, I'm not too surprised
when my socks force me to sign a peace treaty. "Strange", I have come
to learn, is a relative term." -LC Freelancer
"I was WONDERING why you never got to the breifing room on time!
Hrm.... Stormtroopers have limited visibility?
(*Wearing a big white sign with black letters saying "VA Proton",
Freelancer walks past countless stormtrooper guards into Proton's
private bar, and walks out unmolested with a bottle of really prime
Gin in each hand*)
WOOHOO!" -LC Freelancer
" **Dude drooled green slime from his grungy Tusken yaw and jumped up and
down in anticipation. Leroy chittered excitedly in jawa-ese. Snippy
bobbed and weaved, sending test bolts from his electroshock emitters.
Ballista smirked and cracked her whip on the deck.**
"Yes, it's Freelancer. Again," Proton told his loyalty team. "This time
he had the foolish impulse to raid my personal cantina stores."
"Guuuuhh," Dude sputtered.
"FREELANCER MUST DIE!" Ballista screeched.
The team rushed off the bridge to carry out the COM's orders." -VA "Don't Touch That" Proton
"Argon runs into Proton's bar while it is unguarded by LSD and B and
steals as much as he can before destroying the cameras ;P Thanks for the diversion Free ;)" -CPT Argon Viper
"Leroy and Snippy jittered and jumped about as they observed the boiling
rage filling Proton's face as the commodore viewed the holo records
from the hidden surveillance gear in his personal cantina alcove.
The assistants watched with the vice admiral how Captain Argon Viper
had used Lieutenant Colonel Freelancer's fiasco to gain his own
supposedly undetected entry to the COM's booze supplies.
"Idiot," Proton mumbled.
Snippy and the jawa aide relaxed as Proton's purple frown gradually
transformed into his patented malicious smirk. The admiral turned to
his loyalty enforcers.
"OK. The little captain gets HGB 47 this time."
Leroy ripped loose a sharp jawa laugh and elbowed Snippy in mirth.
Snippy chirped in glee. HGB 47 -- Hutt Guano Bin 47 -- contained the
raunciest HGs known to the galaxy and lacked an atmosphere filtration
and purification system.
Proton rose and walked over to his locked wet bar and poured himself a
Yukon Jack on the rocks.
"Get busy," he ordered the aides. "And make sure this one gets
suspended head-first. Hang him by his toes." -VA "What we have here is a failure to communicate" Proton
"He may be mine....but: "Hangin's too good fer him!"
GN (no I'm not a modern major general) Gen
"Wish MY smirk were patented. Now everytime I do it, I have to pay
royalties. Curse you Proton!" -MAJ Mike
"I'm with X on the liver thing though...
add an internal organ record on the Tie Corps database anyone?" -MAJ Brandon
"(*In a flying leap, Freelancer tackles Kronar, takes from him the
sledge hammer, and standing above him... asks...*)
"Hey, Kronar... Ever see "Misery"??" -LC Freelancer
"Nobody drinks water on the Sov. It glows green, moves, and feasts on
human (and non-human) flesh. It takes a skilled Dark Jedi to take
down a water-fiend (or whatever they're called!)." -LC Freelancer
"So, in theory, those of us that ARE skilled Jedi could drink water on the Sov?" -LCM Kevin Pryde
"And uhg what do we do with the large space rats that keep stealing my socks? although I am not sure what they would want with them they killed my cat when he took them and my goldfish and my dog and my... nevermind" -LT Starblade
"Well, unfortunately, as an anthropologist type person, I regret to inform you that the only way to successfully deal with the rat population is to eat them.
But if you don't want to do that, you can blast them anyway." -GN Gen Es'mith
"Uhh....
*thinks twice about what they're serving in the cantina from now on* " -CM Ras Kronar
"Well bloody 'ell guess we going to have a space rat roast I got my blaster on well done
"NO! DON'T!
That was close! You see, we in LAMBDA don't have ordinary
space-rats... We have mutant killer rats. These guys are so tough
they enjoy batting around CCK's old scopion troopers like a cat does
a mouse! If you shoot off one's head, it only grows 2 more! Please,
fer the luvva Hydra, you've GOT to incinerate them in one blow! Or
use a lightsaber. I've got one lying around from my time in the DB.
Somewhere. But you run the risk of having to look under piles of
socks to get it!" -LC Freelancer
"Great. Just great. Thanks, Wing I, now we have Norway rats on the
flagship." -VA Proton
"You WISH they were Norwegian rats on board...those ones only grow large, have horned helmets and carry big battle axes.
THESE ones are MUCH worse!!!!" -GN Gen
"Argon makes a quick dodge to his right, avoiding the asteroid. Yes, somehow, without the knowledge of the VA, he had managed to commandeer a shuttle off the Sov.
Settling on an asteriod, he planned to make his home on for the next week or so, he opened the booze.
Suddenly, the hologram dissappeared, finding Argon merely in the midst of the guano bins.
Knowing that team LSD would soon be coming for him, Argon quickly downed every last drop of the liquor and awaited the inevitable ;P
However, that same moment, he heard Proton's comm announcement announcing the chase after Free.
The hunt was still on, and there was still time to escape." -CPT Argon "also on the lam" Viper
"Maj Mike stood and stared at the open door into Proton's private stash. Far away he could hear the screams of Argon and Free echoing down the
corridor. Apparently Free had been found in the ducts and LSD were trying
to flush him out.
Mike looked at the endless walls of booze and licked his lips. So close,
so pleasing to the eye. The temptation was unbearable. his eyes glazed
over.
Suddenly, Mike was forced out of his droning by the high pitched squeal of
a jawa, the loud, hard scream of Freelancer, and the strong smell of
burning flesh. Mike looked down the dark corridor, and then back at the
stash.
"Even I'm not that crazy."
And he silently strode on..." -MAJ Mike
"I like the Missile Boat. Nothing like pure brute offensive power to make up
for a lack of speed and armour." -MAJ Nebular
"Actually, those of us who are drunk off our @$$es seem to have no problems handling the water of the Sov. However, by the time we wake up the next morning (with a painful hangover I might add), we've forgotten how we did it ;P " -CPT Argon Viper
"To even be
considered for QotW over Mike and his goon squad "excites" me greatly. ;) " -CM Bonzo
"Hmmm..::weighs the responsibility of drinking with his command staff::
::sighs into his beer::" -GN Gen
"Yep, I was kinda hoping you'd have some fresh ewok meat so that I could have the BBQ sauce again...guess I'll have to wait a bit." -MAJ Nurel Turr
"Ooo. I'd like some Ewok thigh, please. And make the BBQ sauce extra spicy. I need some more hair on my chest." -CM Zekk Terrik
"I know what u mean i gotta busted throttle and it is the most awkward thing when trying to turn in a bomber and it BREAKS!" -SL Kurbanis
"What lack of speed and armor? Jeez, the only thing the MB lacks is
manuverablity and a good laser system. Cruising along at 150 MGT+ Man, you
can take out a SSSD with a full sqaud and still have enough concussions to
blow up a Golan III or two..." -LT Pheonixus
"He Free I wan... What are you doing on the floor?
Oh well.. Can I borrow some credits?
*nods Free's head manually*
I can? Wow thanks! You wouldn't believe what they're charging for milk these days
*steps over Free's unconscious body and strides down the hallway* " -CM Ras Kronar
"Heh.. I have X-Wing on CD somewhere.... and I have the old and ancient TIE Disk...
DOE I got from someone here in the TC... Ahh the original TIE Disk... With the great and
wonderful manual and everything... *sighs with joy*
I remember spending the first weekend that I got it (I was at some camp) staying in my
room reading the manual... I didn't even have time to hit on the girls.. which is unusual
for me... I remember the first time I saw TIE. It was in some gaming club and the guys
playing were talking about how cool the secret order was... I remember standing behind
them looking over their shoulder... sooo jealous. Ah yes.. TIE.. the greatest game ever
made... at least to me :) " -CM Ras Kronar
"So THAT's what happened to my wallet! KROOOOONAAAAR!!!!!
And, as a side not, please take note that this is a *full head
bandage*, and not a turban. No, I didn't go nuts and join Al Qaeda or
anything, it's a BANDAGE! So no militia/vigilante type assasination
attempts!" -LC Freelancer
"Darn there goes my weekend plan on the Sov :P Guess I'm just going to spend
my time in the cantina, probibly on the floor, unconcious with drool coming
out of the corner of my mouth." -CM Gyssler
"Brandon, don't tell me you put your frickin' helmet on backwards again..." -GN Compton
"*gets nudged by Free*
Oh right! Mesa loven yousa Protonicman!" -CM Ras Kronar
"Everybody has to "love" the SovCOM, but Proty makes it easy by supplying the LSD squad ;) " -CPT Face Loran
" Wing V Sports Report by MAJ Murkrow Defender:
*Cheesy music plays*
"Welcome to the Wing V Sports report, this is your host Murkrow Defender.
This week in Ewok Skull Soccer, the TIE team beat the GUNs 10 to 7 yesterday in the first game of the season. Highlights include a spectacular goal in which the hard headed LT BubbaX used his own head to diflect the ewok skull into the GUN team missile pod and GN Sickman stumbling onto the feild un a drunk stupour. Unfortunatly, LC Morgan, CMDR of Mem's MIS was damaged by the skulls, disableing the port misile pod.
In the beer chug, five time wing champion, GN Sickman kept his title in an amazing match. His opnent passed out after 3 minutes but Sicky kept right on going and we are still waiting for him to stop:P"
"CoL = Certificate of Lunacy :) " -GN SickMan
"Excuse me, everyone. I need to hurt the newly promoted CMDR for
saying that. Please, anybody with children or pacemakers, look away
now..." -LC Freelancer
"Oh, sorry.. Mike was testing one of the beta versions. He flew into a
ship. He couldn't stand Nebular trying to steal his job, so ... He
ended it all! We're planning on throwing a heckuva wake, using Mike's
life savings (he's not gonna use them) on all our drinks. What? He's
still alive? Oh, crap.. I used his savings already on the drinks!" -LC Freelancer
"Well... We're short on milk these days.. my suppliers haven't been as trustworthy.. the
mumbled something about the Sov being dangerous.. random superlaser attacks and
what not... So I can't just hand it out to anyone.. I mean.. what would I drink then? :) " -CM Ras Kronar
"General SickMan sat on his couch in his office flicking through the channels on his viewer, beside him Kyra was drinking a beer, with her feet up also watching the viewer (apparently she has gotten used to Sickys ways).
In the corner lay the wreckage of Skiny, having prattled on to long Kyra was forced to dismantle the droid with a few sharp kicks to various parts, on the droids head lay a yellow note with Sickys handwriting on with "To rebuild later" wriiten on it.
Sicky turned the viewer off
"Hey, i was watching that" said i disgruntled Kyra
"Yeah well it time for idea's for this wing, our numbers are falling and we need activity"
"How about summory execution and order a full replacement from PLT Daedalus, i could have it done within ten minutes............in time for the ball game on EH Sports" Kyra said with a certain bloodlust
"Nah, against the rules and just think of the mess"
"Well a new set of comps after the September deadline arrives could to the trick"
"Either that or i'll think of something " said Kyra with the same bloodlust look on her face:) " -GN SickMan
"Oh, and somehow, I'm wondering if it's such a good thing that our WC
and our COM BOTH have Cheech and Chong memorized to the detail level
required to quote it! =D " -LC Freelancer
"Yesterday marked the exact date I joined the TC 3 years ago...I've wasted 3 years of my life here...Oh god...OH GOD!! *cries uncontrollably* Er...sorry you had to see that...um...carry on :P" -LC Halcyon
"Hmmmmm ::finds some sexy-looking female Scorptroopers for CCK's male Scorptroopers and places them between him and the ensuing mob:: Now, time to get small and hide :P " -RA Joe
OFF-TOPIC DEPARTMENT
LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- If there was a "Bad Career Move" award for car thieves, police in Los Angeles say they have a candidate -- a man who tried to steal a minivan with a judo team inside.
The co-ed team from Florida International University of Miami was in town to teach a self-defense course and were taking a tour of Hollywood before heading to the airport Sunday afternoon when they crossed paths with the carjacker at a gas station about six blocks from where he had carjacked a Nissan minutes earlier.
In that incident, police said, the carjacker punched the Nissan's driver and pulled him out of the car then drove away with the female passenger.
The carjacker pushed the woman out of the car after trying to steal her purse, police said.
The suspect apparently was trying to ditch the first vehicle and steal another when he approached one of the students, police said. He demanded money and got into a scuffle with judo student Nester Bustillo.
"We get into a little bit of a struggle and he eventually winds up jumping into, trying to take our car," Bustillo told a local TV station.
The other students piled on and subdued the suspect in a body hold until police arrived.
"They hit him a couple of times and brought him to ground," said LAPD Officer Jack Richter. "Our department does not condone or recommend that people do that in a carjacking because you never know if the carjacker is armed."
Police identified the suspect as Tyrone Jermaine Hogan, 20, who was being held in lieu of $1.2 million bail.
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COM/VA Proton/SSSD Sovereign