SSSD SOVEREIGN NEWS, 6-25-02

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ABOARD THE SSSD SOVEREIGN (Imperial News Agency) -- A harsh news blackout continued on the Emperor's Hammer flagship Tuesday after the conviction of two INA reporters on charges of slandering the commodore.
Seven huge men with shaved heads -- wearing stormtrooper armor but no helmets -- were seen pummeling the two hapless scribes as the commodore's Team LSD prepared the prison escort shuttle for departure to an EH "re-education camp" deep in the Outer Rim.
VA Proton, smiling in reaction to the verdict, made a huge show of guzzling a large Yukon Jack on the rocks in from of the nervously assembled media, in punctuation of his assertion that he *can*, in fact, hold his liquor.
The journalists were convicted of slander based on their INA report, quoting two senior officers on the condition of anonymity, that Proton was a bad drunk and tended toward streaks of laziness.
But after a series of "courtesy visits" from Team LSD and Ballista, the INA retracted the story, the top editors were fired and the two unfortunate reporters were jailed, tried and sentenced to long sentences of re-education.
It was further reported that Proton, while pleased with the verdict, was still enraged, and obsessed with finding out the identities of the "senior officer" information leakers.
As the Sovereign's assorted high officers filed out of the courtroom, General Reaper and Lieutenant Colonel Freelancer exchanged worried glances.
***

COM/VA Proton reporting for the SSSD Sovereign, flagship of the Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet.

Wing commanders, pass this along to your squadrons, and cc: me on those mails.

SOVEREIGN AND FLEET NEWS AND NOTES

-- Imperial Storm III. The ASF and the ATF desperately try to hunt down the Sovereign juggernaut, with only five turns left in IS 3. Meanwhile, the Sov's shipyards continue to churn out a large amount of deadly capital ships, top-line fighters, etc.. :)

Details of the war game can be reviewed at the IS III Web site: http://www.emperorshammer.net/wo/is3/

-- Looks like Wing II has defeated Wing I in their flight and fiction comp. So it seems Wing II will be able to choose the message board colors and wing motto for Wing I. (ouch!). At least, I think this is final ... there seems to be some confusion about the fiction category, although it probably will not change the ultimate outcome.

-- Wing III's War of the Squadrons rages, and a few Sovereign squadrons are participating in the Colossus squadrons league. Lots of other comps in progress too.

-- From FA Priyum's Flight Office report today:
Commander Tour of Duty: As stated in the Fleet Standing Orders and the SM/3 Course notes, the CMDR ToD rule is:
All Squadron Commanders are expected to serve in their position for a minimum of FOUR months. This is the commitment you must make towards the job. Anyone who quits before this time without extenuating circumstances will be reduced to the rank they held prior to their appointment.
This is to emphasise the point that being a CMDR requires a great deal of time and commitment. It is not something to be entered into lightly and without forethought.
This rule become official and enforced for all CMDR appoints from THIS MONDAY! In addition, from this Monday, all persons applying for a CMDR position must have taken and passed SM/3. The only exception is if the applicant has previously held a CMDR position and taken & passed SM/1 or 2.

-- More from FA Pri, read up!:
Squadron Management Course Ver. 3 (http://www.btinternet.com/~spellfire/sm.html):
Had a good number of people taking this so far, a graduate list is below. A shocking number of people however are getting basic things wrong, like rank caps and medal awards. In addition to reading the SM notes, you're also expected to have read the Training Manual. Remember, although you may have no intention of ever being a CMDR, taking the course is a good way to familiarise yourself with several important aspects of the TIE Corps.
I'll be updating my FO page with the current Staff List tonight. Remember that you can also find the current staff on the eh.net rosters. Also please remember that transcripts of the tests are NOT kept. So if you want to know where you went wrong, then please email me BEFORE you take the test.

-- GN Devin's report on the shipwide Omega flight competition, after round one:
Since we only had 11 submissions from the whole of the Sov (COM's note: Bad, Sov, BAD!), all
participating pilots get to move onto the next round. Because of the
lower numbers of participation, I am changing the scoring method. I will
combine the laserless score from both rounds to determine the top pilot.
Here are the numbers....
CM Night Grue/Omega - 681.109 (new high score)
CPT Philo/Yod/Wing IV - 663.485
MAJ Yoman/Mem/Wing V - 490.235
COL Brian/Omega - 423.789
COL Gen Es'mith/Wing I - 402.032
COL Sasquatch/Omega - 386.590
CPT Vector/Alpha/Wing I - 325.291
MAJ Talons Pryde/Alpha/Wing I - 263.372
LCM Blaine/Alpha/Wing I - 259.845
LCM Jennif Es'mith/Lambda/Wing I - 237.338
LT TK-9121/Mem/Wing V - 158.771
Great job to everyone who participated! Bragging rights go to Wing I for
most submissions. All pilots should now fly TIE-TC #19 and have them
into me no later than July 12th! That's 3 WHOLE WEEKS to fly this!

-- Cheating, altering pilot files. **Sigh** Some new SLs have been busted quickly for editing pilot files. These guys don't seem to realize the heavy consequences, and of course they should be displaying up-front honor and responsibility. However, CMDRs, please make sure the first thing you explain to a new squadron member is that CRIME DOES NOT PAY.

-- New Wing II site:
http://www27.brinkster.com/wingII/news.asp

-- COL Kalar has a good suggestion that we perhaps should make a shipwide standard. WCs, I encourage you to implement such a system in your units:
After puzzling over a number of BSF names that didn't make it clear what battle was being flown, I have decided that to make life easier for myself and the squadron commanders, as well as to assure your BSFs are processed quickly and correctly, I would like all of you to follow this naming convention.
Name-PIN-Mission Name
So, if I flew XWA free mission 45, my file would be named: Jahan_Kalar-1914-XWA-Free-#45.plt. I would name the zip file the same thing with .zip at the end of course.

-- CPT Argon Viper is organizing a Starcraft tournament, and I gladly have agreed to help publicize it. It will be open to everyone aboard the Sovereign:

Starting Date
7/1/2002
Ending Date
9/1/2002

Missions/Battles Used
Starcraft Battle.net

Miscellaneous Details
This will be a round robin type tournament using Starcraft and its battle.net. Top half of the pilots in each group will go onto the next round until a winner is determined.

Other Information
An IS:GR will be awarded for first place
An IS:SR will be awarded for second place
An IS:BR will be awarded for third place

-- Medals for the cantina song winners: I have asked the new TO, Mell, for word on this. He is consulting the former TO, now XO, Astatine.

-- The Fleet Medical Corps has a new push to get docs in the wings:
If you have any Questions, mail PMO Frey Gallandro at jan.thriene@web.de or to catch him on #Subjugator or #EH_Medlab or #Alvaak.

FORCE STRENGTH

-- A big Sovereign welcome to new or returning pilots:
FM/SL BubbaX/Nun 2-3
FM/SL Sylph/Aylin 1-2
FM/SL TK-9398/Rho 2-2
FM/SL Hendl Fin`Rotha/Delta 1-3
FM/SL Maaereck Steil/Hey 2-2
FM/SL Mulder/Epsilon 2-2

-- COL Kalar grabs the La-Z-WC back from GN Sicky. COL Stele is closing in.

SSSD Sovereign [188]

Wing I [35]
Wing II [38]
Wing III [41]
Wing IV [33]
Wing V [40]

Omega Squadron [10]

SHIP COMPETITIONS

-- SSSD Sovereign Recruiting Competition
It's over. Medals will be awarded and results announced as soon as I can get TO approval (see cantina song situation, same deal here).

-- Sovereign Nighthawk Multiplayer Competition, each Friday night in #ehcoc on IRC, 3 to 6 p.m. eastern time

SHIP COMMUNICATIONS

IRC channel: #SSSD_Sovereign
Message board:
http://www.imperialmight.com/wwwthreads/postlist.php?Cat=&Board=cantina

The SSSD Sovereign Cantina Song:
http://sov.imperialmight.com/drink.html

CANTINA COMMENTS

"Here we are, after a long pause, I am here again. Damn! I hate the
hot!!! Damned summer that turns everything to a mass of hot, sweating,
polluted, rotten and wet flesh. People like summer, but this is only a
memory of their school time, when summer did mean holidays. Idiots.
There's no joy to go to work every day with 30°C at 8 o'clock, maybe
trapped inside a car with the life support system (ehm.....yes, the air
conditioning is a life support system) that is losing the battle with
solar radiation!
Bah, enough of my silly sentences, apologize me but I lose about 10%
physical and mental functions for every celsius degree above 25, now
it's 33°C..." -LC Adolf

"BaaaAAaaaa! (A friendly yet lunatic gesture to say thanks
to the Lambda man." -COL Stele Pellaeon

"Shields?!? I don't need no schtinkin' shields!
Now, see, had the Empire cloned PILOTS as well as Stormtroopers, and
used a suitable specimen (*cough* ME *cough*) then none of that
whiny-farmboy-blows-up-the-Death-Star stuff woulda happened, see?
But.. oh well.. It's moot now, eh? :P" -LC Freelancer

"WOOHOO!!! Delta is not confined to the afterlife!!! Eat my dirt
Lamb-da ;P Anyways, how is Tav there, am I in two places at once?(says the
last commander of Tav ;P)." -CPT Argon Viper

"Hehehehe, Galactic Battlegrounds... *drool* Sorry... ::Wipes his mouth:: I love that game ;P ::Goes off into a corner and drools some more::" -CPT Argon Viper

"I have a good french recipe for duck." -COL Gen Es'mith

"But.. is it JUSTIFIED duck? Or are you commiting an unjustifiable sauce-icide?" -LC Freelancer

"1) NO body is immune to the scorps.
2) I've had a lot of time to become... "comfortable" in their
presence (e.g. I don't DIE immediately like most) because of my time
in Wing II under CCK." -LC Freelancer

"They're the ones in the far left corner, recharging their
anti-gravity boots. Beware the crab politics. The pincher ones are
always fighting with the biter ones, and the flying ones think
themselves move evolved, but still bitterly oppose the ones with
micro-tools and miniature chainsaws (wow! They still have those? I
thought they'd have lost them by now!)" -LC Freelancer

"PS - Proton, until you sign up to the egroup, I will make up for that by
cc'ing you. Enjoy the horrible torture, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! ;P ;P " -CPT Argon Viper

"SL Argon Viper, report immediately to Debriefing Room 22. SL Argon Viper
..." -VA Proton

"LOL!!! Well, I've pissed off enough command ossifers in my time to
deserve that. Lesse, COL Joe, MAJ Jesseb, VA Proton..." -CPT Argon Viper

"I hear ya! Burn the OPS down! Another example of the OPS and TO not working
close enough together. I still haven't got the awards for Battlecry
competitions sorted out yet because of red tape...and that was well over a
year ago." -CPT Werdna Elbee

"Dare I paraphrase the old joke: "Lamb-da Squadron, where the sheep are nervous." ;) " -VA Proton

"Forget the sheep! The PILOTS are nervous! Dude! Proton's in charge,
we've got LSD, Ballista, the scoptions, and well... MIKE is my CMDR!
Dear GOD! What's to be CALM about! :P (will catch hell from Mike if
he ever reads this ;)" -LC Freelancer

"This is going to be a huge party with a whole bunch of girls and an open bar (free liqour!!) so im not sure if communication will be humanly possible sunday.. ;) " -LC Joe

"Ooh, Joe, I hope you're checking IDs before hitting on anything out there. A Bat Mitzvah is a Jewish celebration of a girl turning THIRTEEN." -GN Compton

"Congrats on the anniversary! I think you qualify as an EH senior citizen. We get a discount on prune juice at the cantina!" -GN Devin

"Emerson Switchboard Crap-o-Matic
Okay boys and girls, gather around. Uncle Sasquatch is going to try and save you some money.
I wonder, have any of you seen these internet call waiting devices which plug into your phone lines? Let's say you haven't gotten out of the stone age yet (like me), or you live in the middle of nowhere (like me), and you can't get a broadband connection and are forced to use a dialup modem with a single phone line. Well, they make these little devices that plug into your telephone setup (one line to the modem, one to the jack, one to the phone, etc), and if you are online and get a call, this little miracle box is supposed to ring and flash and let you know that a call is coming through. You can then either take the call, or (if you look at the caller ID and it's your annoying uncle Marv or something) you can choose to stay online. Hey, sounds like a great idea, right? What a nifty little invention, why didn't they think of this earlier? I understand they've been building this in to the newer 56k modems for awhile now anyway.
You know, looking back, my first clue should have been that I have never seen this in a store. I saw it on one of those television ads, the kind which show you an 800 number and then beg you to call, showing one low price which is actually the first of many payments.
But, alas, this seemed like a product I should try to acquire. So I went to the secondary market (Ebay) to see how cheap I could get one. All things considered, I shelled out close to $45.00 hard-earned American dollars. A few days later, my Emerson Switchboard (TM) arrived. Made of quality lightweight plastic and probably assembled someplace I can't pronounce, my first impression was that it is rather light for a piece of electronic equipment, and the plain white box it was packaged in was rather nondescript. Undaunted, I proceeded with the installation. You can probably guess by now the result. This thing just does not work, plain and simple.
SO, why am I sending you this email? I realize that by the time you reach this paragraph, you may have realized that I'm cutting into your cantina time. A little bit of it is that I wanted to vent. But here's the main reason : SAVE YOURSELF $45.00. Don't buy an Emerson Switchboard, or any other product like this from any other manufacturer. I've done research now (which I should have done before I bought it), and most people report that these things only work about 10% -- 50% of the time, and that's when they can get them to work at all.
So, heed my warning and purchase one of these devices at your own risk. Uh, that's really all I have to say, I guess. I haven't written an email this long since I was still doing wing reports ;-)
SAVE YOUR MONEY, EVERYONE!" -COL Sasquatch

"So, go throw it against the wall, or let us use it for target practice... :)
(or here in the US, both cable and DSL access are common in major
metropolitian areas... :D )
Also, $45??!?! Ouch. :( " -COL Brian

"I've wasted more money on less responsible things ;-) " -COL Sasquatch

"B 131 TIE Covert Missions. It's good because you don't have
uberfighters everywhere. It's got balance (which I mentioned before)
and you fly the original craft (call me nostalgic!). The play is
good, hard sometimes, a little light others. But overall worth
playing." -LC Freelancer

"Uh.. No. I never was subtle. Why do you ask? Anyways, we MAY have
lost the flight portion (GASP!) Dear lord,somebody get me a weather
report from Hades! Is it snowing or what?!" -LC Freelancer

"So, Proton has initiated a crackdown on Imperial Journalists, eh? I
don't know who the two saps were, but they got hauled into his court
last week. Pshaw... Does he think this is going to stop FREELANCER,
of all people, from .. um... "acquiring" the really interesting
stories? I think not!" -LC Freelancer.

"Okay, so a rebel, a rabbi, and a pastor are in a lifeboat... stop me
if you're heard this one -- OW! NO! Stop hitting me! Okay! I'll stop!
No more jokes!" -LC Freelancer.

"This just in! WC/GN Reaper violated the CARDINAL RULE of being on the
Sov! He questioned Proton's ability to hold his booze! We'll see if
he lives through the night, or if Proton will have to use his one
"free" secret murder of the year. (Because, you only get one, and
once the year's over, it's gone). But then again, Proton can be lazy
sometimes (:P) and may not want to pick out a new WC. I'll keep you
posted ;)" -LC Freelancer

"Squadron commanders, you are to submit your weekly reports as usual as well
as the Monthly Squadron Evaluation. If they're not on my desk when I get
back you will get to clean up VA Proton's Guano bins, as well as polish the
mirrors on the Axial Superlaser." -COL Gen Es'mith

"I just completed my first XWA-Free Mission. Number 67.
It was just as I thought......
equivalent to taking an army fighter pilot, giving him a B-17 bomber, and making him land it on a carrier at night." -COL Gen Es'mith

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COM/VA Proton/SSSD Sovereign