***
Two Sovereign pilots rained haymakers on each other as the awestruck cantina crowd observed in disbelief. They had not seen such a display of competitiveness since the days of the Supremacy Series. Something was up!
"Fuggeddabouddit," the first pilot slurred, drooling blood and teeth from his shattered mouth. "WE'RE going to be the Deathmask unit!!"
The second pilot, slowly recovering from a vicious kick to the groin, gasped out, "No waaaaay, man! WE'RE going to be the Deathmask unit!!"
The combatants continued flailing at one another, and the crowd cheered ...
***
COM/AD Proton reporting for the SSSD Sovereign, flagship of the
Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet.
SOVEREIGN AND FLEET NEWS AND NOTES
-- The Deathmask Units competition is under way! This is a three-week battle to the deathmask for supremacy on the flagship. The full announcement went out Monday, and the competition page is here:
http://www.minos.net/~proton/deathmask.htm .
-- GA Ronin and SA Astatine have secured a new host for the TIE Corps site, and the restoration is under way. GA Ronin is inviting donations to help cover the costs (including $20 setup, $20 per month hosting and $180 for another requirement necessary for the switchover).
-- The Sovereign Bombing Run Blowout is over, except for the judging, release of results and awarding of the rest of the medals -- plus the naming of the COM's Own squadron and wing. My administrative droids and I will be slaving on the results this week -- expect the announcements by this weekend or earlier. WCs can make my life easier by turning in their TIE round 4 results soon. Speaking of the TIE event: Omega's round 3 results were not included in the round 3 report but will be included in the final results.
-- Battlegroups command and I still are working on a flight competition. Look for something hopefully as soon as Deathmask is done.
-- Wing III edges Wing II 107-104 in the "Idea of Death" competition.
-- We seem to be in another unfortunate streak in which real life and apathy have gotten the best of some of us. Beta and Pe are looking for CMDRs, for instance -- Beta applications should go to A-WC LC Mike and Pe applicants should contact GN SickMan. Mike is subbing for GN Es'mith, who has taken a sudden leave of a couple of weeks.
-- HA Striker reports:
- Mission Compendium Mirror 1: http://battles.cernun.net
- Mission Compendium Mirror 2: http://perso.club-internet.fr/jmcx97/battles/
- Temp Battle Center: http://www.drakenet.tk
Vice Admiral Drake has gone through the painful task of setting links to all custom battle zip files of the Mission Compendium, a temporary battle center has
been set up at http://www.drakenet.tk (linked from the TAC Office site). URLs are linked to the battles.cernun.net mirror, if you want to download battles from
the other mirror you will have to enter manually the URLs.
For direct download from the mirrors, you have to manually enter the URL of the desired battle (mirror URL + battle file name); battle files names are in the
following format: (Platform)(Subgroup)(Number).zip
Platforms are either: XW,TIE,XvT,BoP,XWA
Subgroups are either: TC,DB,IW,ID,BHG,CAB,F (Free Missions), FG (FCHG Battles)
Examples: TIE-TC Battle 56 at http://battles.cernun.net/TIETC56.zip
XWA-IW Battle 25 at http://battles.cernun.net/XWAIW25.zip
XvT-FREE Mission 45 at http://battles.cernun.net/XvTF45.zip
FORCE STRENGTH
-- A big Sovereign welcome to new or returning pilots:
No transfers being processed because of the database problem.
SSSD Sovereign [184]
Wing I [36]
Wing II [40]
Wing III [33]
Wing IV [38]
Wing V [36]
Omega Squadron [8]
SHIP COMPETITIONS
-- SSSD Sovereign Deathmask Units:
http://www.minos.net/~proton/deathmask.htm
-- Sovereign Nighthawk Multiplayer Competition, each Friday night in
#ehcoc on IRC, 3 to 6 p.m. eastern time.
SHIP COMMUNICATIONS
IRC channel: #SSSD_Sovereign
Message board:
http://boards.minos.net
The SSSD Sovereign Cantina Song:
http://www.minos.net/~proton/drink.html
COMMAND RANT(S) OF THE WEEK
"Silence.....
...of the lambs!...sorry, had to add that for Alexi's benefit...
But, seriously..it's too damn quiet around here, Wing V!! I understand that
the unfortunate loss of the TC domain will make anyone depressed, but c'MON!
We've gotta get some activity on the mailing list!! I want to start
seeing at least HALF of the 60+ e-mails I get daily to be something from
this Wing! I'm tired of having to delete all but one message a day, since
the rest is spam...I want to delete all but one message a day because the
rest is useless crap that MD's flinging around!" -LC Jason Hunter
" * TIE Corps site is still down, however this isn't a good reason to be inactive. You can still fly and have some fun with your Wingmates on IRC or via e-mail. The temporary EH Battle Archive is located at: http://www.drakenet.tk/ C'mon, I don't want to be on Proton's "Command Rants of the Week" list again :p" -MAJ Gidda
CANTINA COMMENTS
"So Mike, where do you want me to put these "Lamda Squadron Rocks"
posters? Talons' room, or just in the main Alpha Squad rec barracks?
Oh, he's still here... I'll bring these back later ;) " -LC Freelancer
" *Vector opens his door with a bottle in one hand and food in the other.*
Hey now, keep it down out here some of us are trying to sleep. I'd hate to have to come out here again and bash some heads. Free, take the signs back and wait till I'm passed out if you're gonna try that.
*Vector takes a drink and slams the door* " -CPT Vector
"Bah.. picky picky... If you wanna sleep, you oughta be in the
cantina, getting plastered and passing out!" -LC Freelancer
"When you've recovered from all this, I'll need to get you in the SCA so you can hit people with swords...it's less dangerous." -GN Gen
"Rebel sabotage, pilot injury, and BRB 3 results, -- oh my!
Hey, wow, I found I can sum up an entire week's worth of Proty's life
in one sentence! Heeey.... wait a minute... Is he padding his time
cards?? ;) " -LC Freelancer
"Don't tax your feeble mind trying to figure out what admirals do on the
job beyond the obvious, Freelancer ... but if you must know, most of my
additional time lately has been spent in deep planning sessions with my
loyalty assistants in creating new and more effective, painful and
terrifying ways of controlling backtalkers and other malcontents such
as yourself. >;) " -VA "Worth every penny" Proton
"Hey! We're not malcontents. We just don't feel content about what's going
on...right...now...Oh, wait..." -LC "needs a dictionary" Mike
"What? No! WAIT! OW! OW OW OW! No! I didn't ask for a full
demonstration of the results of your planning session!
OOOOOOOOHHHHHH! Ha-cha-cha-cha! Eek! Not in the face! Not in the
face! OOOooooooOOOOoOOooH it hurts!" -LC Eek the Cat/LAMBDA 3-1
" (*Freelancer throws a 30-pound hard-bound Oxford International
Dictionary at the back of Mike's head then immediately turns around,
sticks his hands in his pockets and walks away, whistling
innocently*) " -LC Freelancer
"Well, I finished reading it. Turns out the Zebra did it." -LC Mike
" (*Freelancer has a quick flashback to a Bugs Bunny cartoon*)
I got it! I got it! (*rips off clothing, revealing a 1930's era
baseball uniform underneath, puts on a mitt and cap, rushes
backwards, holding the mitt out*)
Uh-oh--!
(*is flattened by the enormous book*) " -LC Freelancer
"I say, I say BOY!
That ain't the way you play baseball!
I tell ya that boy is a few hens short of a coup." -MAJ "Foghorn Leghorn" Nebular
"Aha me maties, there be life in the old salty sea dog that is Wing V, thar
be proof here with 2 pilot files for the SOV bombing run 4 arrrrrrrrgh " -GN "Salty" SickMan
"We have time cards? That would explain why I'm not getting promoted...
;) " -CPT Argon Viper
"Nah, they only assume the flag officers are responsible enough to
fill them out :P
Whether they are or not.... I'm gonna shut up now ;) " -LC Freelancer
" ::looks up from programming his droid to do time sheets::
"What?" -GN Gen
*Pheonixus jumps out of the astromech*
"What?" - LT Pheonixus
" /me lowers his estimate of the average IQ in Wing I... We're down to 20 now ;) " -CPT Argon Viper
"You put in an extra zero in there somewhere, but I...um...forgot where?" -LC Mike
"I got 10 of those IQ points! Woohoo!" -LC Freelancer
" So... the big news is that Jar Jar Binks is truley evil since he HELPED Palpatine with the use of the clone army!" -COL Stele Pellaeon
"Has anyone seen or heard from Kronar?
I haven't seen anything since the rebel attack...do you think he was hurt in the explosion?" -GN Gen Es'mith
"You thought the Tick was .... BAD???
Oh..God... pain... somebody...... pills...... need the pills....
burning.....
in the chest.... somebody....
*thunk* " -MAJ "R.I.P." Nebular
"Quick! Everybody clap! He's dying! Clap to save his life! Oh...
wait... That's for Tinkerbell.. damn, what do we do for EH pilots?
Gimme 1000 ccs of gin, STAT!!" -LC Freelancer
"My personal goal is to die while having sex...but for some reason Jennif isn't too keen on that....." -GN Gen
"Wot's she not keen on, sex, or sex as you are dying? ;) LOL " -VA Proton
"Good goal." -MAJ Nebular
"In the meantime, you might as well prepare your bum for about 63.5 million dart shots from my frogs, just to illustrate the time difference between everyones favorite dinosaur time, the cretacous (ie T-Rex) and the OLDEST accepted human at about 1.5 million years...Australapithicus." -GN Gen
"Congrats to Proty!!! /me rushes to the cantina to get his first taste of legitimate booze from Proton ;) " -CPT Argon Viper
" ...is that a lightsaber in my pants, or am I just happy to see you...?" -GN Compton
"Ahhh.. I can imagine it now...
Gen: Alpha squadron! Take on those attacking rebels! Protect that
shipment!
Talons: Yesseree... Okays, yoos guys, le's do thissss! Hey, now..
whoa, that X-wing's a lot larger than I thought it would be... Better
use all my rockets on it! Yeessss! Look at it blow!
Gen: Alpha! PULL BACK! You just blew up the shipment! You just
destroyed the Frigate Fogger!
heheh.. Yes, Jennif is correct. Let the stuff wear off before you
even think of returning to active duty ;) " -LC Freelancer
"Yes it is. I'll have you know we're ultra-modern here in Delta, right down to the pink and puce un-shovable uniforms of Flight Two ;P " -CPT Argon Viper
"I tawt I tawt I saw fwee got fwattened I did I did see a fwee fwattened" -LT Lucius Starblade
"I didn't know metal kegs shattered. Hmm new info. Although I wouldn't want to be the one to tap it!!! :) -CM Jennif
"Who said it was metal? You know how backwards they are in Delta! :P
They probably still lack sliced bread! :P
Is it so inconceivable that they still use wooden kegs? :) " -LC Freelancer
"Dude it was a keg! you just dented it! It's still good, it's still good!
*Taps the keg and is hit by a geyser of booze"
Dammit Free, why do you always overly excite these things " -MAJ "Beerhunter" Nebular
"Hey, wouldnt the over-presurrization just make it easier to dispense (less
pumping)?" -LT Pheonixus
"Dude, I love that! My entire stash is just like that. You know how they
crush cans on their head? Well, i do that, only with kegs... " -LC "things get fuzzy after a while" Mike
"The sad part is.... I know for a FACT Mike suffers from repeated blunt head trauma, so what he's saying just might be true!" -LC Freelancer
"No... Not easier to "dispense", unless you consider "dispense" to
mean "That which explodes and hurts everybody around it with
shrapnel, and then all the beer spills out and out the floor drains
as the medics quickly try to save your fading life"?" -LC Freelancer
"So, Gen, theoretically, my habbit of leaping on every new booze
shipment the second it enters the cantina doorway is really an
altruistic attempt to save my wing-mates' lives, right?" -LC Freelancer
"I dunno, it seems to me more a way to freeze off your gonads." -GN Gen
" * Chronas wants to (respectfully) wedgie Ronin when he's not looking :P
Security Officer there;)
wedgie.. Ronin said there was a mean trout in there. Sooooo why is there a
mean trout in the GA's Pants?
* GA_Ronin slaps RA_Joe around a bit with a large trout
*** Chronas has joined #emperor's_hammer
* GA_Ronin slaps Chronas around a bit with a large trout
Chronas> ooh. flirting with death is fuuun
* LT_Poke hands Ronin his lightsaber
* Anthol tosses ROnin a lightsaber
says bad muddafugga on it :P
* RA_Joe hides behind Aeishline
HAHAHa gotta be the trout ;)
"I am so glad to see that my surgery is reason for a drunken bash party for
you guys... It just kinda hits ya right here...
*contemplates using his lightsaber on each and every drunk bastard in the
wing so they can experience the joy of a hot and itchy cast and burning pain
throughout the arm...* " -MAJ Talons Pryde
"I would like to point out that I am sober as preacher on a sunday *Grins and stumbles before falling face first onto the floor pisss drunk* " -LT Lucius Starblade
"Wasn't Suave a shampoo? Anyway..." -GN Compton
"Yeah, it's the stuff you get when you're really broke, it's like 59
cents a bottle and it makes your hair fall out and turns what's left
into brush bristle ;) " -AD Proton
"LOL... hmmm... since my hair is already like really fine wire though, maybe
that's why it works so well for me. :) " -COL Brian
"As a morale lifting event GN SickMan staged this week, the Annual Wing V Awards for the past year............
The member who has gained the most weight goes to = GN SickMan
The member who has consumed the most Alcohol goes to = GN SickMan
The member who has flown the most goes to = MAJ Mayk Wolverine
The most annoying member goes = MD
The member with the most improved odour goes to = MD
The sexiest member goes to = Kyra
More awards next week:) " -GN SickMan
"....uh, MD..don't take that crap flinging comment seriously..." -LC Jason Hunter
" *MD slowly puts the baggy of crap in his hand down.*
You ruin all my fun!*Snaps Jason's undies through the Force for ruining his fun* " -MAJ Murkrow Defender
" Sicky`s Dribble of the week " WE HAVE A NEW MESSAGEBOARD PEOPLE, USE THE BLOODY THING, and mine is a dry martini " -GN SickMan
"Hanibal! I told you I ain't gettin' on no plane! An' you ain't
druggin' me, neither! I know you'd put it in my burger, cause it's
the last place I'd think! But then you KNEW I'd know! So you put it
in Faceman's burger, cause you know I'd be sittin' across from him!
But you KNEW I'd know that, and take his, so you must have put it in
Murdocks, because I'd never think you'd put it in the crazy foo's
food, that means his is drugged! That means the last place you'd put
it would be my own burger! So there!
*Takes a bite of the food, doesn't pass out, and smiles*
*Takes a drink of booze, realizes IT was drugged, and frowns before
passing out*
Aw crap! (Okay, not from the A-team, but still!)" -LC Freelancer
OFF-TOPIC DEPARTMENT
-- MMMM! PIE! Prosecutors in Oak Park, Mich., have filed charges against
Shuo-Shan Wang, 29, a Taiwanese national, after he castrated an
unidentified 48-year-old Alabama man on his kitchen table. The amateur
surgeon "doesn't have a license" to practice medicine, said Oakland
County Deputy Prosecutor Jim Halushka. "He's not equipped to handle a
problem when it arises." Indeed a problem did arise: the patient, who
was sitting at the same table eating a piece of pie after the surgery,
started bleeding profusely from his groin when he burst out laughing.
(Detroit Free Press) ...Funny: none of the men reading this are
laughing -- but they will when they go back and see the surgeon's name. (Source: This is True newsletter)
-- "A sucker born every minute" department:
The health
discovery that actually reverses aging while burning fat,
without dieting or exercise! This proven discovery has even
been reported on by the New England Journal of Medicine.
Forget aging and dieting forever! And it's Guaranteed!
* Reduce body fat and build lean muscle WITHOUT EXERCISE!
* Enhace sexual performance
* Remove wrinkles and cellulite
* Lower blood pressure and improve cholesterol profile
* Improve sleep, vision and memory
* Restore hair color and growth
* Strengthen the immune system
* Increase energy and cardiac output
* Turn back your body's biological time clock 10-20 years
in 6 months of usage !!!
-- This one contributed by GN Gen Es'mith is so funny it's resulted in the need for at least a few hernia surgeries in Wing I. I think the people who produced it were on psychotropic drugs, and-or listening to loud Led Zepplin:
http://www.rathergood.com/vikings/