|
The one where Airyu resigns |
| THE FINAL GRUDGE MATCH |
The pilots had something of an idea
of what was going on when they saw LC Airyu carrying his penguins out in
cardboard boxes. The muffled warks of the savage, yet cuddly birds
rattled the halls, setting an eerie mood in the Vanguard's
corridors.
Of course, Paco had absolutely no
idea. "Um... commander?" he pleaded, to Airyu's empty desk.
Paco stood there a few seconds, waiting for some sort of reply. Unheeded
by the empty desk, Paco leaned over and pressed the "penguins" button himself,
releasing one last lobster from the ceiling onto his head.
JDF1984 was still on planetary
leave. Sipping a margarita and calling it business, he didn't find out
until about three weeks afterwards.
Frankie had a nice armful of free
beer to give to Airyu as a going-away present. Not an armful of mugs or
bottles or cans, but an actual preserved severed arm of a wookie, sealed up,
waterproofed, and filled with beer. He'd heard the fur made for a
great insulator somewhere, and just knew that it would make for a
hilarious greeting card next year.
Gaunt and Jer, however, had been
with Airyu the whole time. From the time he left his office with the
letter of resignation, to the last time in the cantina, to his last
distinguished launch from the Van's docking bay, they were there. They
just knew it was going to be different without Airyu to liven up the wing.
No flying mailbox, no random obscenities, and no seemingly random punting.
(It was always a bizarre sight, watching full-grown officers flying end-over-end
down hallways and spiraling hazardously into walls, but welcome and almost...
normal in a way)
But this is, of course, before that
happens.
Airyu: *writes something down* The final... hmm
hmm.... *sings to himself at his desk*
Paco:
Um... Airyu?
Airyu: Did you pick the lock
again?
Paco:
Yep.
Airyu: Touche. *presses another, new button
underneath the desk*
Random
shiny medal: *falls out of the ceiling and hits Paco on the head, rendering him
unconscious*
Airyu: Hmm... that worked nicely. *leans
over the desk and gets back his Lead Star of the Umpire*
Ace
Fighter: Hey... did you hear the rumors? *takes a swig of his
beer*
Ice Man: About what?
Death
Squire: I heard that the ship is missing a little bit from its supply of
lead, last week.
Drefan: What? What the heck do we need
lead for anyway?
Ice
Man: Uh.. paperweights? Maybe it's an emergency distribution system for
paperweights... you know, in case they need to appoint new CMDRs and give them
paperweights!
Ace
Fighter: *smashes an empty bottle on DS's head* No, about Airyu
leaving!
Drefan: Really? Crap.. I guess we should do
something special for him...
Random new
pilot: *comes in* Hey guys, I'm the newest pilot in Echo Squadron!
It's great to be here!
Drefan: Wait.. did you just say
"sub-lieutenant"?
New
pilot: Yep! I'm Sub-Lieutenant Two Names. My name is two words,
which form a cool phrase, but nobody would ever realistically give to their
kid! Isn't that cool?
Draiff
Stryker: So Carcaroth, why do you go by Jori all the
time?
Jori:
Dunno, I like the ring of it better.
Draiff: You know there's a juice named after
you.. it makes you sound like a wuss.
Jori: But
it's my first name. Jori Carcaroth.
Draiff: Whatever, juice-boy. I'm gonna buy you
some you-juice for that kill, that was some nice-
Two
Names: *flies through the door of the cantina and slams into the
wall* All right! All right, I'll hyphenate it! Just don't hit me
anymore!!
Echo
Squadron: Comes out of the door with lead pipes and broken beer bottles, looking
menacing
Penguin: Wark.
Airyu: What
do you want?
Penguin: It's been seven whole paragraphs and you
haven't even gotten to the matchup of the grudge match! What the hell is wrong
with you!!?
Airyu: Well, that's the point. You see,
since I'm going to resign, I've decided to do this one
differently.
Penguin: Wark.
Airyu: ... I thought you could
talk.
Penguin: WAAAARK!!! *mauls
Airyu*
Paco:
*regains consciousness* What? A grudge match about nothing?
Like... Grudgefeld?
Penguin: *gets off of Airyu and proceeds to maul
Paco*
And for no apparent reason,
Jer, JDF and Frankie are in a hot tub, drinking cold
ones.
Gaunt: What the hell are you guys doing in a hot
tub together?
Jer:
Um... drinking beer.
Frankie: I.. uh... wait a sec. What are you
doing in this scene anyway? You weren't in Airyu's scene
description!!
Booming voice: I DON'T NEED TO PUT HIM IN
THE SCENE DESCRIPTION. OTHERWISE, I'D HAVE TO HAVE A BIG LONG FICTION
BEFORE EVERY FRICKIN' SCENE CHANGE!
JDF: Okay,
okay, we get the point! Hey... wasn't this where the ship's lead reserve
used to be stored?
Jer:
How the hell did you hear about the lead rumor? Did you read the
script?!? *reaches to strangle JDF*
JDF:
No! There's a sign over there! It says "lead reservoir this way" with a big
arrow pointing this way.
Gaunt: And.. this is why i'm glad Airyu left me
out of the scene description.
Frankie: Uh oh... if this is the old lead
storage... maybe I should put my swimsuit back on.
Booming voice: Maybe I should have
specified at least that.
Paco:
Um... Airyu? I wonder about that lead medal of yours... where did the rest
of the lead go, cause someone must've taken the rest-
* a deafening thump resounds
throughout the ship
Airyu: What the hell was that? That sounds
like it came from just outside... *opens the door to discover Justin lying
face-down on the ground in his dress uniform*
Paco:
Is that Justi? I didn't think he had so many medals?
Airyu: I think we found out where the lead
went.
Justi: Not even close!!! I just stole these from
the old Wasp Squadron archives! You'll never find the REAL
lead!
Airyu: Wait... you mean all the medals we get
aren't even fake gold, they're fake lead?!?!
Voice on
intercom: Warning! Hull breach imminent!
Airyu: ... if this is what I think it is, I'm
resigning, Justi.
A giant, fake bling N. Why am
I not surprised.
| WING XV/ISD VANGUARD NEWS |
:: For personal reasons (I will be taking on an internship and winter classes which will completely drain my time), I will be resigning my command effective immediately. All the medal requests for the MSE and the competitions will be processed, have no fear.
:: The Supremacy Comp will
begin on midnight of January 15. I don't care if I'm not here, GET TO YOUR
FIGHTERS ANYWAY.
:: The Holy Campaign to Register #wing_xv has succeeded! Come on into IRC to celebrate.
::
The new message boards are online at mb.emperorshammer.net. I see many of
the CMDRs have already gone ahead and posted, but be sure to email RA JoeyC (comm@emperorshammer.org) for moderator
priveleges.
| STATISTICS (90% of dissatisfied employees will leave. The other 10% firebomb their boss's house.) |
|
|
Suspended for the month of January due to Supremacy Comp (starting Jan.
15). December results below.
|
|
Suspended for the month of January due to Supremacy Comp (starting Jan.
15). December results below.
|
|
None. These are worth quite a few points for Supremacy, so hop to
it.
|
|
CPT Draiff Stryker - LoC x6,
IS-BW x2
CM Carcaroth -
IS-SW
LC Jer Stryker - IS-SW
x2
CPT Frankie -
IS-BW
LCM Altar -
IS-SR
CM Ibram Gaunt -
IS-SW
|
|
| COMPETITIONS (Too much is a bad thing. Not enough is a bad thing. Just right... well, we've never known that here) |
Fleet Wide
:: (TAC) - Fill Mike's Hole - Send your entry for TIE-TC 43 to Mike and his CA
ASF Wide
ASF Supremacy is coming up soon. Expect details to be released once they're all finalized.
Wing Wide
:: New Wing Banner - LCM Altar's last-minute entry was the only submission.
Combolations, Elizagirth, on your 100th... er... um... IS-SR!
:P
:: Raid-N-Trade - Right. Jer wins trading hands down.
Carcaroth wins raiding, and Draiff gets second. A
monstrous and commendable achievement.
:: Strong Bad Reports #1 - Still nothing
:: Strong Bad Reports #2 - It's just a frickin' email!!!
ARGH!
:: Rating Races - December results below... this is suspended for January due to the ASF Supremacy Comp.
|
|
| ||
| CM Ibram Gaunt (Mantis) | 40 | LC Jer Stryker (Hornet) |
|
| CPT Frankie (Python) | 18 | CPT Draiff Stryker (Hornet) |
|
| LCM Ice Man (Echo) |
11 | ||
| LC Jer Stryker (Hornet) |
11 | ||
| LC Alec Qarni |
7 | ||
| CPT Damon Kast (Mantis) |
6 | ||
| CPT Draiff Stryker (Hornet) |
6 | ||
:: Deck the Mantis - I don't know why I bothered :p
:: Furnish
My Office - *sigh* I went the whole
three months in an office without a website or any paintings or anything...
*tear*
| NUMBERS (1 @r3 t3h l3@v1ng j002) |
Frag Officers (Like flag officers, but with more kills): 0
Echo (When a duck quacks, it doesn't have one): 6
Scorpion (If you find one of them in your sleeping bag, be afraid): 6
Mantis (If they're praying, it's a crime to kill them. But don't worry, ours are all atheists): 7
Wasp (Like a hornet, except not really): CLOSED
Hornet (Like a wasp, except not at all): 7
Python (They're not funny, because nobody is Monty): 7
TOTAL (a larger number, that is often a combination of several smaller numbers): 33
| THE WEEKLY ACKBAR |
* pac_O was kicked by pac_O (i wanna be kicked)
* pac_O has joined #wing_xv
* X sets mode: +o pac_O
<LC_Airyu> well that's a darwin award just waiting to happen
<Frothy> ....Paco...poor poor Paco.
* Frothy sheds tears
* LC_Airyu sheds his winter coat
<LC_Airyu> wait... what the hell?
* Frothy needs a new winter coat
<LC_Airyu> i'm turning into a penguin
<Frothy> excellent
<Frothy> btw, I read your report with the Rapping
<LC_Airyu> hehe
<Frothy> ...almost felt like sending you my demo tape :P
<LC_Airyu> what
<LC_Airyu> you think you're special?
* pac_O has joined #wing_xv
* X sets mode: +o pac_O
<LC_Airyu> well that's a darwin award just waiting to happen
<Frothy> ....Paco...poor poor Paco.
* Frothy sheds tears
* LC_Airyu sheds his winter coat
<LC_Airyu> wait... what the hell?
* Frothy needs a new winter coat
<LC_Airyu> i'm turning into a penguin
<Frothy> excellent
<Frothy> btw, I read your report with the Rapping
<LC_Airyu> hehe
<Frothy> ...almost felt like sending you my demo tape :P
<LC_Airyu> what
<LC_Airyu> you think you're special?
<LC_Airyu> i read it too
<LC_Airyu> i mean
<LC_Airyu> i'd be surprised if you SMELLED it
<Frothy> You wrote it genious :P
<LC_Airyu> but yeah. you read it. big deal. you want a medal?
<Frothy> and I probably did Smell it, not like I'd tell you.
<Frothy> Yes, I do want a medal, but thats beside the point.
* Frothy was kicked by LC_Airyu (you've been using hallucinating drugs again, haven't you? here's a Medal of Kickination)
<`Leek> I want one too!
<LC_Airyu> i mean
<LC_Airyu> i'd be surprised if you SMELLED it
<Frothy> You wrote it genious :P
<LC_Airyu> but yeah. you read it. big deal. you want a medal?
<Frothy> and I probably did Smell it, not like I'd tell you.
<Frothy> Yes, I do want a medal, but thats beside the point.
* Frothy was kicked by LC_Airyu (you've been using hallucinating drugs again, haven't you? here's a Medal of Kickination)
<`Leek> I want one too!
| IT'S OVER |
It's been a
good three months, guys... but I don't have too much to say now. Have fun,
and try to watch out for the penguins.
In the service of the new year and a new era,
LC Daisuke Airyu
WC-PROF/LC Daisuke Airyu/Wing XV/ISD
Vanguard
Professor of IWATS-GFX
GSx2/BSx4/PCx5/ISMx9/MoI-BC/MoT-2rh/IS-5BW-4BR-3SW-7SR-2GW-6GR/LoC-CSx8-Rx1/DFC-Rx2/CoL/CoB/LoA/OV-4E
[GLDR]
{IWATS-AIM-AMP-ASP-CBX-CSS-FLA-FW-FWT-FZ-GFX-HIST-IBX-ICQ-IIC/1/2-JS-LIN-M/1/2-MP-MS-SM/2/3-TACS-TLN-TM/1-TT-VBS-WM-WPN-XML-XTT}
ISD Vanguard Top Dog 2004
CMDR of Echo Squadron,
Vanguard Top Dogs 2004
CMDR of Echo Squadron, Wing Commander's Own,
September 2004
ASF Battlegroup Commander's Legate, August
2004
November 2004 ASF Lord High Captioneer
Former Ship Doctor, ISD Challenge,
FMC