=====================================================
|
Wing XV - Wing Commander's
Report #6
|
| The one with...
turkey???
|
| MAJ Daisuke Airyu - 11/28/2004
|
====================================================
THIS WEEK'S GRUDGE
MATCH
TURKEYS
vs
PENGUINS
Airyu: Well... it's that time of the year
again... thanksgiving. That means someone's making me a turkey
today!
*crickets*
Airyu: Someone?
Hello?
Paco: Hey... isn't someone supposed to make Airyu
a turkey for
Thanksgiving?
JDF1984: I think it was supposed to be Frodo's
turn to appease the
overlord.
*more
crickets*
Gaunt: ... *sweats* why is everybody
looking at me like that?
Death Squire: Well... this is the latest in
turkey cooking equipment! It's got dual action! And a defrost tray,
it's self basting too!
Gaunt: This just looks like something ripped out
of a TIE fighter!
Death Squire: It's an oven. Internal
combustion.
Hellloooo?
Gaunt: So you're saying it's from a
TIE???
Death Squire: Well, I'm not saying it's
not from a TIE Fighter... just press the
button!
Gaunt: *presses a
button*
Death Squire: No! Not that one, that's the
baste-
"oven": *squirts turkey juice into Gaunt's
eye
Gaunt: AAAaaauuuughghhh!!! IT
BURNS!!!
Ginji: Doot doot doo... *walks through the hangar
bay* Hey... why is the hood of my TIE open? And why is there a
suspicious looking oil trail going from it to the Echo
quarters?
Airyu: ... turkey? Gotta have turkey, gotta
have turkey *drools* I know... *takes a piece of tape, writes "turkey" on
it, puts it over "lobster"* BWA
AHAHAHAH
Paco: Uh...
sir?
Airyu: WHAAA!!!? *jabs the "turkey" button*
TURKEY! YOU HAVE TURKEY FOR ME! *stands up on his
desk*
Lobster: *falls on Paco's
head*
Gaunt: Now I need a turkey. Hmm m m m...
they need to be pretty big to feed the whole wing... 180 pounds or so?
*thinks* Who weighs about
that?
Ginji: I'm gonna hack that Paco limb from
limb! He took my combustulator
module!!!
Plot device: Whoa! I'm too blatantly obvious here
*runs in fear*
Paco: Strange... it just got colder in
here.
Airyu: That's because my penguins are sneaking up
behind you.
Paco: Uh... *sweats*
crap.
Ginji: *bursts through the door with an
axe*
AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Ceiling: *breaks, Gaunt falls through with an
axe*
AAAAAAAAAAhHHHHHH!!!!
Penguins:
WAAAAAARK!!!!
Paco: AAAAAHHHHH!!! *runs out
screaming*
Airyu:
Waha?
- chop
-
Penguin: Wa-- a---
*dies*
Airyu:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
*falls to knees*
Ginji & Gaunt: Oh
crap.
Oven:
*cook*
Gaunt: Hey, cheer up Daisuke, that's one less
salary coming out of the
account.
Airyu:
*grumble*
Gaunt: And we don't have to expense the turkey
either!
Airyu: *grumblegrumble...* *clubs Gaunt in the
back of the head with his pistol, resulting in a satisfying crunch*
Ah. Much better.
MORAL: There is none. And that,
you can be thankful
for.
ISD VANGUARD /
WING XV NEWS
:: Paco's Banditos and JDF's
Jokers are facing off in a deathmatch of epic proportions!!! The prize in this
vicious tug of war is the WC's Jockstrap of Valor. I don't know where they
got it, as I only wear boxers... must be one of Justi's old crusty ones.
The gold star on their is not a position insignia either
;)
:: We seem to be hemmorhaging pilots from Hornet... and I forsee only
further losses in the future. GET RECRUITING, didn't I send out an email
about this? Not only are there nice rewards from the BGCOM for it, it
makes you look better!
GRAH!
:: The first attempt to get the new wing channel fell on its face.
This is so much more difficult than I could have ever
imagined...
:: I'm now the IWATS-GFX professor! W00t, come take my
course!
:: Frodo's on leave, for the funeral of his grandmother. Our
condolences go to his entire
family.
:: IT'S MSE TIME!!! Commanders, I want them on my desk by
friday.
:: Come on to the
Wing's new channel at #wing_xv, or
else! We're still trying to get it up and
running, and we need active
spammers!
:: Send submissions to Khadgar
for the Aggressor newsletter, there can be shinies involved... if he ever
publishes it :p
STATISTICS
TRACKER (66.6-repeating percent of turkeys dated
1980 or earlier are still edible)
:: FCHG Race
Standings
CM Ibram Gaunt (Mantis)
- 7
LCM
Drefan (Echo) - 6
LT Needa (Echo) -
6
CPT
Frankie (Wasp) - 4
CM Carcaroth (Hornet) - 3
LC Jer Stryker (Hornet) -
1
:: Combat Rating
Standings
CM Ibram Gaunt -
3
::
TRANSFERS
LCM Matthew
Weeks (Hornet) -> RSV
GN
Sickman (Hornet) -> RSV
2 out.
Damn
COMPETITIONS (Who can eat the turduckin the fastest? Why, of
course, the guy with higher
cholesterol)
Fleet Wide
::
(XO) Webmail Skin - http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1507
:: (XO) Banner Design - http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1508
::
(TAC) Fill Mike's Hole - Send your entry for TIE-TC 43 to Mike and his
CA.
:: (RO) Recon Office
Banner Competition - Contact AD Joe (noon001@aol.com) for more
information
:: TIE
Tattoo Search Competition - Send the best GFX of the whole Emperor's
Secret Order Tattoo (from TIE Fighter) to kyterrak@aol.com.
ASF Wide
:: BGCOM's Legate - www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1514
:: Recruitment Incentive - http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1513
:: Week of War Incentive - http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1512
:: Run of the Mill -
http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1635
Wing Wide
:: Hazination Time - Fly XWA-FREE 17, 23, 42, and 69. People who beat
me will be rewarded.
EXTENDED thru Nov 30
The only entries are from CPT Frankie and CM
Ibram Gaunt.
:: Capture the
Flags - Fly XWA-TC 19 with your
teammate. Pilots who beat me and Justin will
become part of the Wing
XV Honor Guard.
EXTENDED thru Nov 30. The score
to beat is 15,799. Easy to
beat.
Due to the implosion of the wing and the teams,
this competition is over.
:: Bizarre Titles - Come up with the most outlandish title for
yourself, and you get to keep it in your signature. Or make your Wing
Commander wear it!
Only two entries so far, this is
EEEEEASY!!! Just be creative!
:: Rating Races - FCHG and Combat
Rating races, except this time, I'll actually keep track of them. IS-SW to
the winners, IS-BW to second place.
::
Deck the Mantis - Write something about
my personal ship, the YT-1138 Iron Mantis
II.
:: Furnish My Office!!! - No Star
Destroyer is complete without a good website. Since I'm loaded down with
coursework and don't quite have the time
to dedicate to building a website from scratch, I'm opening up the task to any
Wing pilot with the know-how. This isn't
really a competition, but it's something you guys are going to do.
And be rewarded handsomely.
NUMBERS
(I ate HOW MANY
CALORIES!??!!)
Frag
Officers (Like flag officers, but with more kills):
1
Echo (When a duck quacks, it
doesn't have one): 6
Scorpion (If you find one of
them in your sleeping bag, be
afraid): 6
Mantis (If they're praying,
it's a crime to kill them. But don't worry, ours are all
atheists): 7
Wasp (Like a hornet, except not really):
8
Hornet (Like a wasp, except
not at all): 7
Python (They're not funny, because nobody is Monty):
7
TOTAL (a larger number,
that is often a combination of several smaller numbers): 42
"Gobble gobble,
biatch."
<MAJ_Airyu> es el paco!
* MAJ_Airyu sets mode: +o _paco
<MAJ_Airyu> con un underscoro!
<_paco> hum....
* _paco feels powerful!
* MAJ_Airyu sets mode: -o _paco
<MAJ_Airyu> feel the shrinkage
<MAJ_Airyu> and suffer!
* _paco isn't powerful
<MAJ_Airyu> i have supper powers!
* _paco punches the red button on Airyu's desk
* MAJ_Airyu laugs as a turkey falls on paco's head
<MAJ_Airyu> that's supper.
<_paco> mmmm
<MAJ_Airyu> it also weighs 40 pounds, as it is supper for the whole wing.
<MAJ_Airyu> your neck has now snapped
* _paco falls to the ground
* _paco twiches uncontrollably
<MAJ_Airyu> teach you to press my red button
* MAJ_Airyu sets mode: +o _paco
<MAJ_Airyu> con un underscoro!
<_paco> hum....
* _paco feels powerful!
* MAJ_Airyu sets mode: -o _paco
<MAJ_Airyu> feel the shrinkage
<MAJ_Airyu> and suffer!
* _paco isn't powerful
<MAJ_Airyu> i have supper powers!
* _paco punches the red button on Airyu's desk
* MAJ_Airyu laugs as a turkey falls on paco's head
<MAJ_Airyu> that's supper.
<_paco> mmmm
<MAJ_Airyu> it also weighs 40 pounds, as it is supper for the whole wing.
<MAJ_Airyu> your neck has now snapped
* _paco falls to the ground
* _paco twiches uncontrollably
<MAJ_Airyu> teach you to press my red button
IT'S OVER!!!
There's only so much I can do to inspire you guys to action. The tasks
fall to you, the pilots and commanders, to find ways to stay active. I
will repeat it: THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH I CAN DO. If you're not going to fly
for my competitions, it doesn't make me want to run
them.
Please, if you post on the message boards, or do anything, contact
me. Let me know you're breathing and/or reading my reports. Let me
know how your week was, just don't fall off the planet. If you're one of
the active ones, please, go find some more folk like yourself. Heading
into the holidays, we're probably going to lose a few, and some of our more
active pilots will drop off in activity due to finals and school and such.
But we've got one corner to turn, and it's ASF:SC time. We're not
going to lose this one.
In the service of the Native
Peoples,
MAJ Daisuke Airyu
WC-PROF/MAJ Daisuke Airyu/Wing XV/ISD
Vanguard
Professor of IWATS
Graphics
GSx2/BSx4/PCx5/ISMx9/MoI-BC/MoT-2rh/IS-5BW-4BR-2SW-7SR-2GW-2GR/LoC-CSx8/DFC-Rx2/CoL/CoB/LoA/OV-4E
[GLDR]
{IWATS-AIM-AMP-ASP-CBX-CSS-FLA-FW-FZ-GFX-HIST-IBX-ICQ-IIC/1/2-JS-LIN-M/1/2-MP-MS-SM/2/3-TACS-TLN-TM/1-TT-VBS-WM-WPN-XML-XTT}
ISD Vanguard Top Dog 2004
CMDR of Echo Squadron,
Vanguard Top Dogs
2004
Wing
Commander's Own, September 2004
ASF Battlegroup Commander's Legate,
August 2004
Former Ship Doctor, ISD Challenge, FMC