Wing IX Report #1
From the desk of Major Rejili Holthaus...

FLEET NEWS
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1. WING IX WING COMMANDER
For those of you who haven't yet realized this, that would be me >:P

2. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
Freeworlds 1.65 has been released. Unfortunately, we are a TIE Wing, and anyone who plays Freeworlds will be sentenced to death.

3. TOKEN TACTICAL OFFICE NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
There is now an online form for submitting missions to the TAC Office. For those of you who had the dedication to make a TIE, XvT, or XWA battle, but who were too lazy to look up the TAC's email on the database, this upadte's for you :P

WING NEWS
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1. ECR FLYING
We lost by a large margin, but made a pretty good showing. There are still two rounds left, and the Relentless is by no means out of the game at this point.

2. ECR FICTION
All graphics are due in one hour, and everyone's should already be in by now. It's time to focus on our fiction. It should relate to beer/cantina/'alci' pirates or some other inconsequential topic that will allow for a humerous story about drunken pilots. The winner's story will be posted in the women's lavatory.

3. WSR's
Yes, that's right, weekly reports. Every commander has to do them, and even with our command shake-up, they are still due EVERY THURSDAY. I would like to give a shout out to Morpheus in Shield Squadron. Since you're new, I will give you until tommarrow to have a report out. Otherwise, I will have to appoint a new A:CMDR. I have no tolerance for officers who don't complete the minimum requirements.

4. MESSAGE BOARDS
The old new MB's are being taken down, and the new MB's are the old eh.net ones. Anyone else confused? Anywho, I requested a Wing IX board be created by Ast, and once it is let's get spamming!

5. RESERVES DRAINED
After heavy negotiations with a former Wing IX officer, Col. Steve the cricket bat has been reinstated as Wing IX Morale Officer. He officially outranks all of you >:P

6. WING MAILING LIST
Wing mail seems to be bouncing. To send mail to the wing, copy and paste the email addresses that this report is being sent to, since as WC I can generate my own Wing Mailing list.

7. DRINK OF THE WEEK
Straight from the bar of the Stardrifter Lounge, and personally tested and approved by Major Rejili Holthaus, this week's serving suggestion ...

SEX ON MY FACE
Ingredients:
1/2 oz Yukon Jack
1/2 oz Malibu rum
1/2 oz Southern Comfort
1/2 oz Banana liqueur
splash Cranberry juice
splash Pineapple juice
splash Orange juice
Mixing instructions:
Mix in tall glass with ice.

THE WING IX MORALE OFFICE
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"Hello, my name is Col. Steve the cricket bat, Wing IX Morale Officer. For those of you who don't know me, my job is to beat you like a red-headed step-child. My other duties include drinking and smoking, as well as running the Wing IX agony aunt/uncle program. If you're looking for a sympathetic friend, Colonel Steve has the answers ..."

Dear Steve,
Please could you help me? I'm scared of my own belly button. I feel ill about it and keep thinking I could never have children because their cords would be all wrong too. My navel is filthy but I can't touch it to clean it. Please help.
A Depressed Pilot

Steve replies ...
Totally f****d up.

Dear Steve,
My rabbit Wiggles has got a runny eye. He is eight months old and lives with two guinea pigs. What should I do?
LC Mosh, Hammer Squadron

Steve replies ...
Now I'm not an expert, in fact I don't like animals, they scare me. But it sounds as if Wiggles is very ill and is going to die. I hope you don't get it.

Dear Steve,
When I was younger, life was perfect. My parents loved me, I was pretty and I had friends. Now I'm sixteen everything seems to have gone downhill. I'm spotty. My hair is lank and greasy. I'm taller than the boys and they make fun of me. What am I to do?
A New Sublieutenant

Steve replies ...
Don't get too worked up with adolescent angst, because no matter how bad you think things are now it just gets worse and worse. Oh and once you get to thirty then it really goes fast. I just look in the mirror now and an old man looks back at me and I don't know who he is. Just have fun because you've no idea ...

If you would like to contact Steve about any problems you might be experiencing, write to him here, at the Wing IX Morale Office, just behind the boiler on Deck 64. The sender of the most distressing letter wins a book token.

ACTIVITY
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3 mission(s) flown
0 IWAT(S) passed
2 WSR's issued
75% ECR GFX Submissions

POSTINGS AND PROMOTIONS
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SL Fahrer promoted to Leiutenant
LCM Morpheus appointed A:CMDR of Shield Squadron

AWARDS
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Squadron of the Week: Hammer Squadron
Pilot of the Week: LC Mosh

STANDING ORDERS
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Notice, the standing orders have been updated by Rear Admiral Jarak La'an. All pilots must familiarize themselves with the new orders.

-ALL MEMBERS-

Weekly Contact
At the very minimum, all members of the Wing will make contact with thier direct superior at least one time per week, VIA EMAIL. This is the very minimum to be considered active in Wing IX. If you intend to be off of the internet for more then (5) days, email your Commander and let him or her know as a common courtesy. If you are taking a Leave of Abscense more then ten (10) days, notify your Commander -AND- the Wing Commander via email.


-SQUADRON COMMANDERS-

Weekly Squadron Reports (WSRs)
WSEs will be submitted NLT 12.00PM each Thursday by email to the Wing Commander, Your Squadron, and the Wing IX Email List. Also, each report must contain statistics for Total missions flown, and IWATS passed.

Monthly Squadron Evaluations (MSEs)
MSEs will be submitted to the Wing Commander NLT the second to last day of the month. I.E. if there are 31 days in the Month, your MSE will be submitted by midnight on the 30th. If there are 30 Days, the 29th, and so on.

AWOLs / MIAs / Reserve Requests
If you have found a pilot to be AWOL (no contact in 30 days), or MIA (bad email address), or a pilot has requested to go the reserves, you WILL NOT make the database request yourself. Forward the relevant information to the Wing Commander, who will verify the information, and make one last effort to 'save' the pilot before he or she is removed from the wing. This is NOT to take authority away from the CMDRs, but to allow the flags to ensure that a pilot really wants to leave. A good example is a pilot whos pissed off at his CMDR and has requested the reserves, when it's entirely possible the pilot would be happy in another squadron.

Flight Leaders
EVERY Flight Leader position in the Wing will ALWAYS be filled. If your Flight Leader leaves the squadron for whatever reason, you will appoint a new Flight Leader immediately. The Flight Office requires that all three flights have a leader in order for new pilots to be placed in that Squadron. We will not miss any opportunity for new pilots!

Designated XO
Every Squadron will have a designated XO. This person will know what he or she needs to do in the event that you are unable to come online, specifically in the area of filing a report for you.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
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"Heh - I don't mind - have a bunch of ex's I'm still friendly with; gives me places to stay all over the planet ;)"
- LC Mosh on the role of the second sex



In service of the Empire,

Major Rejili Holthaus
(NHolthaus@Hotmail.com) - "Baron de Menari"
WC/MAJ Rejili Holthaus/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
PCx3/ISMx3/MoI/MoT-1gh/IS-2BR-2SR/CoB/OV-4E [GALL]
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