Airyu: *files through some papers* Man, I hate wading through paperwork...  I thought i was the Wing Commander, not the Pen & Paper Commander. There's gotta 
        be an easier way...
Paco: *bursts in through the door* Sir!
Airyu: How long were you sitting outside my door, listening in and waiting to burst through the door at top speed?
Paco: Oh, only since the last grudge match. I have an idea!
Airyu: What's that?
Paco: Well....

Alec Qarni: So... if I kill him, do I get a medal?
Jer Stryker: Yep, you get two of 'em!
Alec: Awesome! Uh... he's getting away!
Stryker: I got him *bang*
Knocking noise: *knock knock*
Alec: What? *opens the canopy of the flight simulator*
JDF1984: You've been playing GTA all morning, get out of there!
Stryker: But... it's so fun! There's no leet-speak, unlike that CounterStrike crap...
(another sim opens)
Craven: h3y, 1337-sp3@k @r3 teh @\/\/3s0m3
Stryker: PWNAGE!!! *shoots at Craven, misses* OMFG 1@gz0r!
JDF1984: *twitch* One of these days, I'm just gonna lose it. You guys are so f'ing stupid...

Airyu: *lights a cigar with the last of the paperwork* Ah... the satisfying smell of work that's done well, and, well... done!
Smoke detector: Bweee-oop! *activates sprinklers*
Airyu: What the crap?
Sprinkler: *drench*
Airyu: Crap. *looks at the alarm panel* Something else? I better get to the bridge...

Justin: What's going on, Daisuke, I heard you set off the fire alarm.
Airyu: Uh... i think we have bigger problems. I think someone's trying to hijack the Vanguard! *gesticulates wildly, splashing justin with water*
Justin: Why would you think that? It's perfectly normal, see? *grabs a helm control and pushes it left. suddenly, the ship lurches to the right* Hmm.. just a bit rusty.
Airyu: No, you're just stupid. *walks away, leaving a nice puddle on the bridge*
Justin: Wonder what's bothering him? Oh well *starts to walk, slips on the puddle, falls and lands on head*
Justin's consciousness: *begins to leave*
Justin: Oh crap. It's the weekend...

Airyu: Hmm... someone's taken over the helm controls remotely. I'd better release a search-and-destroy penguin. *presses a button*
Lobster: *falls from ceiling*
Airyu: NO! WHY CAN'T I EVER JUST GET WHAT I WANT!??!?! *jabs button*
Lobster 2: *falls*
Airyu: GRAAAAAAH!!! *jab*
Inspector Gadget: Go go gadget, what the hell am i doing here? *falls from ceiling panel, vanishes in a puff of logic*
Airyu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *punch*
Grilled Cheese Sandwich: *fall*
Airyu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *stab*
Ibram Gaunt: *falls from ceiling panel*
Airyu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Gaunt: Um... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! to you too, sir! *salutes*
Airyu: How the hell did you get in there!?
Gaunt: New transfer procedure. We have to use ventilation ducts instead of the turbolifts. They said if i did, i'll get a ticket to the swimming pool on deck 88!
Airyu: ... You are retarded. Proof follows. That's not a ventilation duct. Paco's used that joke on every noob for seven years, and the ship only has 87 decks.
Gaunt: But... what about the pool?
Vanguard: *lurch* *knocks airyu's desk over, pushing a button*
Penguin: *falls from ceiling* Wark!
Airyu: I'm done with this crap. You two, find Death Squire. This is his doing.

Death Squire: You can't do that, this is a capital ship!
JDF1984: Up up down down left right left right b a select start! Mwaa ahahhahahaa!!
Death Squire: Do you have any idea what you just did?
JDF1984: 30 lives! WE'RE INVINCIBLE!!! All hail tactical mastermind justin! IM THE ADMIRAL!!!
Death Squire: Justin? Yes, justin is the admiral....
JDF: No, i'm justin! ThE REAL JUSTIN, WIth an N!!! JUSTI GOT NOTHIN!
Death Squire: But you do realize the Konami code gives AIRYU 30 lives to distribute as he sees fit?

The remainder of the grudge match will be presented in minimalist style, in staying with the tradition of J. Edgar Hoover's cousin, the queen of Champlinghamtonville. Or maybe her handmaiden.

silence

wark

maul

splatter blood

oh the humanity

justi - maybe really broke. too bad sunday.

paco - hello? my idea!