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| Wing XV - Wing Commander's Report
#1
|
|
The one where the Red Sox win
the pennant |
| MAJ
Daisuke Airyu - 10/23/2004
|
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THIS WEEK'S GRUDGE MATCH
STROM
THURMOND
VS
?????????
MAJ Airyu sits at his desk, behind a
good-sized stack of paperwork.
Frankie: *bursts through the door* Daisuke!
What's going on here?!
Airyu: Wha? I'm... doing crossword puzzles! No,
no porn here!
Frankie: Ooh, surveillance pics from the Daedalus
showers! Er, I mean... sir, there's a strange old man waiting outside your
office.
Airyu: Outside my
office?
Frankie: In the waiting
room.
Airyu: He must want those pict- er... what
waiting room?
Frodo: *bursts in* Major! There's a Strom
Thurmond sitting in your waiting room!
Frankie: Strom who?
Airyu: *stands up* WHAT WAITING ROOM!?!?!
Airyu: *stands up* WHAT WAITING ROOM!?!?!
Frodo: Your office. Has. A waiting
room.
Airyu: WHY?!?!?!
Frankie: WHO THE HELL IS STROM
THURMOND?!?!
Frodo: It's to keep people like him
out.
Airyu: Who?!?!?!
Strom Thurmond: *sits quietly in the waiting
room*
Airyu: Ok. So this is one of the perks of being
WC?
JDF1984: Yes, sir.
JDF1984: Yes, sir.
Airyu: Great, and so is this. Everyone, get
out!
Jer Stryker: *grumble grumble*
*leaves*
Airyu: Ah, peace and quiet. *sits back down
and puts his feet up on his desk, knocking a stack of surveillance photos
off* Crap. *gets up and bends over to pick them up*
Ooh. Buttons.
Airyu ponders it for a second.
Usually, big red buttons under his desk were bad news. But this time, he felt
compelled to press one, labeled "penguins."
In the waiting room, a very confused
lobster falls from a panel in the ceiling, into Strom Thurmond's lap. A slightly
less confused Strom Thurmond picks it up, and bites its head clean
off.
Airyu: Strange, that didn't sound like
penguins. I wonder what this one does *presses a button marked
"lobster"*
On the bridge, a hidden panel slides
out of the way, releasing a horde of penguins, to RA Justin's
dismay.
Justin: Lieutenant, make a note in my
daytimer. Watch out for Airyu's crap on saturdays.
Lieutenant?
Penguin: *tackles the
lieutenant*
Justin: Not again...
MORAL: Never let an amateur do your wiring.
Southern Senators will tell you the same.
ISD VANGUARD / WING XV
NEWS
:: MAJ Praetorian has been
shipped off to Avenger Squadron, leaving a big gap in the spot of Mantis
CMDR. We are accepting applications.
:: In light of MAJ Serovch's
resignation, CPT Paco has been promoted to Echo Squadron
CMDR.
:: Come on to the Wing's
channel at #isdvanguard
:: Send submissions to Khadgar
for the Aggressor newsletter, there can be shinies involved... if he ever
publishes it :p
:: And a hearty
congratulations to COL Hizad, who just gave birth to a beautiful baby
girl. I guess his wife gave, birth, but the pain is about to come for him:
drinks are on him! Gratz Hizdad!
STATISTICS
TRACKER (How many MLB teams come back from being
down 0-3?)
:: FCHG Race
Standings
LT Needa (Echo) -
12
CM Frankie (Wasp) - 12
LCM Drefan (Echo) - 10
:: IWATS
LT Cuthbert - M/1 (100)
LC Jdf1984 - MP (100)
:: MEDALS
LC Kenath Zoron - ISM
LT Kaiser Dux - ISM
CM Frankie - PC
MAJ Daisuke Airyu - BS
COL Frodo March - ISM
LC Jer Stryker - PC
CPT Paco - ISM
:: TRANSFERS
MAJ
Yutzka Serovich -> Reserves
MAJ
Praetorian -> Avenger Squadron
LCM
Ace Fighter -> Echo Squadron
LCM
Drefan -> Echo FL 3
SL
Dexter Nood -> AWOL
LCM
Victor Kage -> Reserves
For those who can't add.... that's 1 in, and 4
out.
COMPETITIONS (It's like a
game, but without Joe Torre. Like the Yankees will be next
year.)
Fleet Wide
:: (TAC) TAC Competition #7 - http://www.emperorshammer.net/tac/portal/compview.asp?ID=17
:: (TAC) Mission Creation Wars 2004
- http://www.emperorshammer.net/tac/portal/compview.asp?ID=14
:: (TAC) Tactical Office Person of
the Week - http://www.emperorshammer.net/tac/portal/compview.asp?ID=2
:: (SCO) Craft Essay Competition -
http://www.ehtiecorps.org/competitions/details.asp?ID=1537
:: (RO) Recon Office
Banner Competition - Contact AD Joe (noon001@aol.com) for more
information
:: (COO) XWA Multiplayer
Elimination Tournament - http://www.ehnet.org/mb/viewtopic.php?t=3981
:: (COO) XVT Multiplayer
Elimination Tournament - http://www.ehnet.org/mb/viewtopic.php?t=3982
:: TIE
Tattoo Search Competition - Send the best GFX of the whole Emperor's
Secret Order Tattoo (from TIE Fighter) to kyterrak@aol.com.
ASF Wide
:: BGCOM's Legate - www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1514
:: Recruitment Incentive - http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1513
:: Week of War Incentive - http://www.emperorshammer.net/competitions/details.asp?ID=1512
Wing Wide
:: Hazination Time - Fly XWA-FREE 17, 23, 42, and 69. People who beat
me will be rewarded.
:: Capture the Flags - Fly XWA-TC 19 with your teammater. Pilots who
beat me and Justin will become part of the Wing XV Honor
Guard.
:: Bizarre Titles (Pending) - Use
your noggins here. The task is to come up with the most outlandish title
for yourself possible. For instance, a good title would
be
"Purple Monkey Dishwasher". Points are awarded for creativity and
randomness, and are judged by yours truly. Winner gets
an
IS-SR, gets to come up with a strange title
for me. Second place gets an IS-BR, and gets to keep their title in their
ID line for a
month or so.
:: Rating Races (Pending) - FCHG
and Combat Rating races, except this time, I'll actually keep track of
them. IS-SW to the winners, IS-BW to second place.
:: Furnish My Office!!! - No Star
Destroyer is complete without a good website. Since I'm loaded down with
coursework and don't quite have the time
to dedicate to building a website from scratch, I'm opening up the task to any
Wing pilot with the know-how. This isn't
really a competition, but it's something you guys are going to do.
And be rewarded handsomely.
NUMBERS
(As opposed to Deuteronomy or
Leviticus)
Frag
Officers (Like flag officers, but with more kills):
1
Echo (When a duck quacks, it
doesn't have one): 6
Scorpion (If you find one of
them in your sleeping be afraid): 7
Mantis (If they're praying,
it's a crime to kill them. But don't worry, ours are all
atheists): 7
Wasp (Like a hornet, except not really):
8
Hornet (Like a wasp, except not at all):
10
Python (They're not funny, because nobody is Monty):
7
TOTAL (a larger number,
that is often a combination of several smaller numbers): 45
IT'S
OVER!!!
The following is a real
conversation, from a real party.
Airyu: Hey, it's you!
Craven: Hey, what's up, man?! *handshake body butt thing greeting*
Craven: Hey, what's up, man?! *handshake body butt thing greeting*
Airyu: Not much man, just pouring myself a
beer.
Craven: Cool...
Airyu: Pump the keg for me, and there's an ISM
in it for you.
Craven: *jumps to attention* Yes sir!
*pumps the keg violently*
Airyu: Dude! What the hell, it's all foam! I'm sending back to the Daedalus for more training!
Airyu: Dude! What the hell, it's all foam! I'm sending back to the Daedalus for more training!
At
this time, the girls in the room start looking at us strangely. Especially
my girlfriend.
In the service of one-hoppers hitting Tony Womack in
the collarbone,
MAJ Daisuke Airyu
WC/MAJ Daisuke Airyu/Wing XV/ISD
Vanguard
GSx2/BSx4/PCx4/ISMx9/MoI-BC/MoT-2rh/IS-5BW-4BR-2SW-7SR-2GW-2GR/LoC-CSx8/DFC-Rx2/CoL/CoB/LoA/OV-4E
[GLDR]
{IWATS-AIM-AMP-ASP-CBX-CSS-FLA-FW-FZ-GFX-HIST-IBX-ICQ-IIC/1/2-JS-LIN-M/1/2-MP-MS-SM/2/3-TACS-TLN-TM/1-TT-VBS-WM-WPN-XML-XTT}
ISD Vanguard Top Dog 2004
CMDR of Echo Squadron, Vanguard
Top Dogs 2004, Wing Commander's Own,
September 2004
ASF Battlegroup Commander's Legate, August
2004
Former Ship Doctor, ISD Challenge, FMC
Former Professor,
IWATS-GFX