Wing IX Report #4
From the desk of Major Rejili Holthaus...

FLEET NEWS
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1. NEW GAME
Some EHers have started a clan in a game called Nation States, based on the book Jennifer Government, which I haven't personally read, but everyone I know who's read it liked it. So go buy the book and play the game, if you're interested in that kind world domination and ego tripping.

2. WEEKLY NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK THAT'S COMPLETELY INCONSEQUENTIAL AND UNIMPORTANT BUT IT HELPS FILL UP A REPORT
HA Royal has announced the HCI site will be moving. Nothing willbe changed except the url, which is still TBA.

3. TOKEN TACTICAL OFFICE NEWS ITEM OF THE WEEK TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEM
"Let's Sing it!" competition:
New competition for all! First song it as follows:
Tell us where you're from,
What you want to become
And we'll say if you're OK.
Where did you go to school,
Right answer and you're cool.
Yeah, you're the kid the whole day.

First one to mail me (the TAC) the title, gets 3 pts!

4. RL NEWS WHICH IS PROBABLY INNAPROPRIATE FOR THIS TYPE OF REPORT
A former Wing IX WC and still a good friend of Wing IX, VA Ky Terrak, has announced that he is going to have a baby. We wish him luck, because in 9 months his life will be hell.

WING NEWS
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1. ECR STANDINGS
We are now second place and tailing the challenge closely.

2. WC's OWN COMP
This week's WC's own is Shield, who did a superb job of updating all their uniforms. This week's WC's Own competition will be whichever squadron who gets the most of their pilots to fly at least one mission or take at least one IWATS. Since IWATS take more than a week to be graded, have any pilot who takes one save their answers and send them to me so that I can quickly verify that they took it.

3. LATIN MOTTO COMPETITION
The response I got was actually a little overwhelming. In the end, I have no idea how to decide which translation to use. So, I've posted a topic on the MB at http://www.ehtiecorps.org/mb/view.asp?b=13&l=1&g=1&t=66&s=0 so go vote for which version you like the best. I'm very proud of the involvement we got from this, and maybe I'll do more stuff like this in the future.

4. **RECRUITMENT DRIVE** - #1 PRIORITY
Our numbers are lower than they have ben since our last recruitment drive, so it's about time for another. We realy need to get some new blood in here, go for rl and reservists, stay away from cadets. I will be VERY generously awarding everyone who brings in recruits.

5. WEEKLY ACTIVITY
ECR is over, so it's time to get active again. For my part, I've flown ten missions, I know Morpheus has flown, and Fahrer has done a bunch of IWATS, to name a few. Everyone, try to fly one mission or do one IWATS this week. Or, send me a graphic or fiction that I can submit to the newsletter. If we can get Ast to think we're doing a lot of stuff, it'll make us harder to get rid of ;)

6. COM TRIVIA COMPETITION
You should all have La'an's mail in your inbox. If you want to win shineys, and you have google, go for it!

7. DRINK OF THE WEEK
Straight from the bar of the Stardrifter Lounge, and personally tested and approved by Major Rejili Holthaus, this week's serving suggestion ...

ACID COOKIE
Ingredients:
1/4 oz Rumpleminze
1/4 oz Bailey's Irish cream
1/4 oz Butterscotch schnapps
1/4 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum
1 splash cream
Mixing instructions:
Mix liguor together. Add cream. Shake well. Strain & serve.



THE WING IX MORALE OFFICE
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A Rant from the Desk of Colonel Steve the Cricket Bat ...

Okay, no beating around the bush this week. I'm going to talk about rule. And that's that. Let's look at some "big" rules first - the Ten Commandments seem like a good place to start. How about this one: "Thou shalt not cover thy neighbour's ox." Hmmmm. Well, my neighbour hasn't got an ox, as it happens. Obvious joke. I know - and besides, a Christian will scream at this point: "Don't be stupid, ox means fridge, ox means wallpaper, ox means car!" And so it may, so it may. But seeing as how I've never spoken to my neighbours, well ... sod knows what their fridge is like. Or their wallpaper. And the only reason to cover their car - an S-reg Datsun Sunny - is that, er, well, there isn't a reason. But I digress. Back to one more commandment, though: "Thou shalt not kill." Good in theory, but when you actually think about it, what about George W. Bush? David Copperfield? Michael Portillo? Enya? Naomi Campbell?

Rules, rules, rules.

And take a game I recent bought on budget from the cheap-games-rack at the local Woolworths stroe. I was after a simple poker sim so that I could get some practice in for a forthcoming mega-session against some serious gambling chums (we all agree that the rules for poker are okay, by the way). However, the only computer card game I could find was Cribbage. You've probably heard of it - but do you know what the rules are? I do, or at least I do now, and frankly I'm toally apalled at their stupidity. I couldn't even possibly begin to explain them, but I can tell you this much: the damn things were invented by some tosspot English "nobleman" in the 17th century. He was obviously so rich and influential that people took note. They grovelled and accepted, blinkers firmly in place, that his idea was a good one. And you know how it is with these things, eh? As long as the first bunch of people follow along, so will everyone else. It just kind of spreads out, through the generations, a bit like a slow motion atomic "obedience" explosion.

Therefore Cribbage is still played. Rules. God exists, is white, and has a beard. Rules. Road tax, rather than petrol tax. Rules. Rules, bloody rules, bloody rules.

I think it's time to make up some rules myself. Here goes ...

Rule One: Hens should be reclassified as vegetables, meaning everybody can be a vegetarian.
Rule Two: All beat 'em up games should contain at least one character who is able to talk things through logically and amicably with his opponent.
Rule Three: The fire brigade should be made to merge with the ambulance service: fire engines would tow special "hospital" caravans.
Rule Four: The Triathlon (truly ridiculous rules: running, swimming, then cycling) should be taken further, culminating in the Octathalon, a sport like everyone could play. All the participants of an Octathalon (ie the entire population of the country) would have to (1) wake up in the morning, (2) telephone their workplace in a strained voice, outlining a fictional malaise, (3) go back to sleep again until ten-thirtyish, (4) watch loads of TV, (5) go to the pub for a few hours, (6) go to an Indian restaurant and enjoy a delicious slap-up vegetarian meal such as chicken korma with nan bread and seven lagers, (7) return home virtually unconscious, and (8) actually become unconscious.
Rule Five: People over the age of 50 should be legally obliged to fill in a Driving Licence Extension form every three years. Questions asked would be as follows:" Do you wear a hat?" and "Do you stop at amber traffic lights?". That sort of stuff.
Rule Six: Pedestrians, like drivers, should be licenced. The test, taken every five years, would have to include an extensive "street crossing" section. It would be like the Green Cross Code, but with the added commands of "run if necessary" and "the centre of the road is a safe area, so use it". No more need for pelican crossings. Naturally the disabled and the elderly would be exempt from all this, having their very own special crossing points at five mile intervals.
Rule Seven: Every dodgy computer game should carry a warning similar to the health ones you find on cigarette packs. Something like "Warning: Of Dubious Quality" should do it.
Rune Eight: Erm, I've run out of ideas ...

Rules aren't easy, you know.

ACTIVITY
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52 mission(s) flown - YAY!
4 IWAT(S) passed
3 WSR's issued - YAY!
2 Competitions Processed

POSTINGS AND PROMOTIONS
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LCM Roulex to Shield 2-1
LT Rabbit from Shield 2-1 to Shield 1-2


AWARDS
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Squadron of the Week: Shield Squadron - Updating all their uniforms
Pilot of the Week: LCM Fahrer - for flying a bunch of missions as well as doing a few IWATS

STANDING ORDERS
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-ALL MEMBERS-

Weekly Contact
At the very minimum, all members of the Wing will make contact with thier direct superior at least one time per week, VIA EMAIL. This is the very minimum to be considered active in Wing IX. If you intend to be off of the internet for more then (5) days, email your Commander and let him or her know as a common courtesy. If you are taking a Leave of Abscense more then ten (10) days, notify your Commander -AND- the Wing Commander via email.


-SQUADRON COMMANDERS-

Weekly Squadron Reports (WSRs)
WSEs will be submitted NLT 12.00PM each Thursday by email to the Wing Commander, Your Squadron, and the Wing IX Email List. Also, each report must contain statistics for Total missions flown, and IWATS passed.

Monthly Squadron Evaluations (MSEs)
MSEs will be submitted to the Wing Commander NLT the last day of the month. It should cover activity throughout the whole month.

AWOLs / MIAs / Reserve Requests
If you have found a pilot to be AWOL (no contact in 30 days), or MIA (bad email address), or a pilot has requested to go the reserves, you WILL NOT make the database request yourself. Forward the relevant information to the Wing Commander, who will verify the information, and make one last effort to 'save' the pilot before he or she is removed from the wing. This is NOT to take authority away from the CMDRs, but to allow the flags to ensure that a pilot really wants to leave. A good example is a pilot whos pissed off at his CMDR and has requested the reserves, when it's entirely possible the pilot would be happy in another squadron.

Flight Leaders
EVERY Flight Leader position in the Wing will ALWAYS be filled. If your Flight Leader leaves the squadron for whatever reason, you will appoint a new Flight Leader immediately. The Flight Office requires that all three flights have a leader in order for new pilots to be placed in that Squadron. We will not miss any opportunity for new pilots!

Designated XO
Every Squadron will have a designated XO. This person will know what he or she needs to do in the event that you are unable to come online, specifically in the area of filing a report for you.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
-------------------------------
"MSE's Due tonight, WSR's due tomorrow <--Learn to
speel rej." - Topic on the Rel's IRC channel last night, after Fox found out that Rej spelled tomorrow tomarrow..
- Me stealing Fox's qoute of myself :P

In service of the Empire,

Major Rejili Holthaus
(NHolthaus@Hotmail.com) - "Baron de Menari"
WC/MAJ Rejili Holthaus/Wing IX/ISD Relentless
PCx3/ISMx3/MoI/MoT-1gh/IS-2BR-2SR/CoB/OV-4E [GALL]
{IWATS-AIM-CBX-FZ-GFX-IBX-ICQ-IIC/1/2/3-JS-LIN-M/1/2-MP-MS-RT-SM/2/3-SWGB-TLN-TM/1-TT-VBS-WM-WPN-XAM}