Wing XV Report # 12 (2001-04-22)

This report was submitted by LC Khadgar


Wing XV Report #12 - 04.22.01


Pilot's Lounge


Not the Blue Screen of Death!

Khadgar stepped down the back ramp of the ship and was inside Eras Du'kai's asteroid.
I walked down a set of stairs opposite the entrance to the asteroid.
Suddenly I heard Eras Du'kai's voice, "Robots, kill him! Muhahah!"
A saw some robots come out of slots in the walls... and they headed my way.
I was doomed... But suddenly, the robots just stopped!
I looked at the robots closely, and noticed that monitors on their bodies displayed Blue Screens of Death.
Khadgar grinned, "Well, finally Windows Me has done some good."
He proceeded towards a door at the end of the room.
The door opened and there was a raised platform with stairs leading to some panels at the end of the platform and a chair with its back facing towards the stairs.
Khadgar walked up the stairs and the chair turned to face him.
"Eras Du'kai!"
"You were expecting Bill Gates?" Eras replied.
"Uh, yeah... Considering that you actually loaded Windows Me on your robots," Khadgar said, mockingly.
"Shut up!" Eras said.
Eras continued, "It is only a matter of time before my deadly tax collectors are unleashed on Aurora Prime!"
Khadgar gasped, he'd completely forgotten about Eras Du'kai's evil plot to unleash killer tax collectors on Aurora Prime.
"And as for you, Khadger..."
Khadgar sighed... "My name is Khadgar..."
"Silence!"
"Now, you will be placed in an easily escapible room, where I will have a trap that is timed so you can just barely make it out in time for dramatic effect," Eras explained.
Khadgar nodded at Eras' appropriate useage of this idea to spice up the fiction.
Khadgar was then taken by guards to a room and put on a platform in the center.
He was then escorted to the central platform by a bridge.
When they got there, the guards left and the bridge soon disspeared.
The platform started a slow descent into some greenish liquid below.
Suddenly, a rope dropped from the ceiling. (Don't ask where the rope came from! :P)
Using his quick thinking skills, Khadgar quickly took the rope and lassoed a conviently dangling bulkhead and swung away from the platform.
As he swung away, the platform sped up and quickly when into the goo, thus breaking the huge tension and creating an exciting fiction for all to enjoy.

Anyways, next... Oh darn, I've gone too long again. Ah well, hopefully I'll be able to finish this next time. :P

From the Wing XV Monastery:


Ladies and Gentlemen... Monk Darwis Maitr!

News has come that Cardinal St. Ricaud may in fact be back in the race for the Papacy, pending the approval of the High Inquistion.

Also, a new Monk has joined the Monastery... Monk Darwis Maitr! (A joke from #wingxiii :P)

"Greetings, I am Monk Darwis Maitr... Did I mention my name, Darwis Maitr... Greatest Monk that has EVER lived!" Maitr said.
"You're a bit odd... Are you a spy from the Rebels that tried to take down the Monastery!?" Cardinal Khadgar said.
"Why... Of course not... Heh Heh..." Maitr said.
"Right then, welcome to the Monastery... Ladies and Gentlemen... Monk Darwis Maitr!" Khadgar continued.
Some Boos and Hisses came from the crowd, but Khadgar calmed them.

Anyways, that's all from the Monastery this week, on with Fleet News!

Fleet News

  • Newsletter #73 was released... Unfortinately my submission didn't make it in, but it's still worth looking at! http://absolutek.com/nl73/
  • Vice Admiral Wet Willy was appointed Combat Operations Officer (COO)!
  • The Tatical Officer, StarLion, was promoted to Fleet Admiral!
  • The Tatical Office released uncorrected battles, but they have updated the Battle Listings with the updated versions.
  • COL Callista was awarded the Fleet's highest honor, the Medal of Honor (MoH) for tirelessly getting getting article mentions, taking billions of photographs of EH members and displaying them from various Conventions, etc. Congrats!
  • The Special Operations Director (SOD) is now accepting new project ideas, they must:
    • Must involve the Emperor's Hammer or one of it's respective subgroups.
    • Be original. No cheap knock-offs of other projects or programs.
    • Be cool! (Khadgar's Note: I'm hip, I'm cool, tucka tucka tucka.)
    • Involve the SOD idiling on IRC.
    Only joking on that last one. :P Send ideas to [The Fresh Prince of?] belair2267@email.com.

  • With the demise of EH Cosmospolitan and Battlecry, Mairin and Werdna have teamed up to produce *Drums play slowly*... Imperial Vogue! And they want you: They are looking for pretty much anything... Some suggestions are:
    • Articles
    • E-mails
    • Funny IRC logs
    • Anti-Jar Jar Binks Memoribilia
    Of course that last one is made up, you can send Anti-Jar Jar Binks Memoribilia to me, though. :P Send submissions to werdna_elbee@emperorshammer.ca and somnia_vacua@yahoo.com.

  • Jeremy "Boba Fett" Bulloch signed an autograph for EH! A picture is at http://www.medcorps.de/bulloch.html.
  • Mr./Ms. EH is now on... http://lo.minos.net/ehmrmiss-second.php3.
  • There is a club called "The Fighting 501st", which dresses like Imperials... http://www.501st.com/... I suspect once the crack legal team at LucasArtsTM finds out that they sell stuff with Star Wars related materials on them... They probably won't be selling stuff anymore. :P
  • Grand Admiral Ronin has once again updated the EH Domain!
  • Congrats to the new Commodore of the ISD Challenged, Rear Admiral Manitsas!
  • Did your NL submission not make it into NL #73? Then tell ehnewsletter@aol.com so they can put it in next NL!
  • There will be an EH Meeting in Poland... Contact MAJ Mike (mailto:pbmike@klub.chip.pl) if interested!
  • There is now a downloadable version on the Training Manual in .pdf fromat at http://www.imperialacademy.org/files/manual.zip!
  • There will also be an EH Summer Bash in Brighton, England! It will be Friday, July the 27th through to Sunday the 29th. Mail guyquake@btinternet.com and mairin@isdchallenge.org if you're interested!
  • There is a Star Wars convention in Holland very soon... The site is at http://www.dutchstarcon.com.
  • Michael Sheard, AKA Admiral Ozzel has gained honorary membership in the Emperor's Hammer, with the name Ozzel and given the rank of Admiral. He sent out a letter to the fleet via LC Gen Es'mith, it is on tiecorps.org if you'd like to see it!
  • The Diplomatic aspect of EH, Advanced Guard is accepting Apps for entry... http://advancedguard.cjb.net!
  • There is a new EH Counter-Strike at 24.156.241.193:27015... Now we're talking, no more of this Quake nonsense!

    Wing News

  • LCM Schitzo is our new Commodore's Protector!
  • I got back from my leave, as did CrazyR2. (This one is rather obvious, since I wouldn't be here writing this report if I was still on leave. :P)
  • We got some new SLs, the Wing is up to 41! (Although other ships are trying to recruit from us... With nasty, pointy teeth... Go away!)
  • Our new Doctor is LT Mo from Wasp Squadron and he is supported by Nurse/LT Boris from Python Squadron. Apparently they said they'd send out morale boosting weekly reports... Hey, isn't that this report? :P

    Promotions

  • SL Delacroix Vaygen was promoted to Lieutenant (LT)!
  • SL Da'Ger was assigned from PLT Daedalus and promoted to Lieutenant (LT)!
  • SL Wez Merino got assigned from PLT Daedalus!

    Medals

  • CM Strahd got a Medal of Instruction (MoI)!

    IWATS Courses Completed

  • LT Boris completed IWATS ICQ!
  • LT Mo completed IWATS mIRC 1!
  • LT Mo completed IWATS mIRC 2!
  • LT Mo - 4 out of 5 IWATS Professors agree that they like LT Mo.

    I added that last one in. :P

    War Room

    [XvT/XWA] Greenwich Wolf Comp
    Time: Wednesdays at 1:00 PM EST - 4:30 PM EST.
    Place: Channel #WingXIII on IRC.
    Awards: LoC per victory, PC for first place, ISM for second place.


    [XvT/XWA] ASF Wednesday Comp
    Time: Wednesdays at 7:00 PM EST - 10:30 PM EST.
    Place: Channel #WingXIII on IRC.
    Awards: LoC per victory, DFC for the winner.


    [XvT/XWA] Thursday Night Training
    Time: Thursdays at 8:00 PM EST - 11:00 PM EST.
    Place: Channel #WingXIII on IRC.
    Awards: LoC per victory, DFC for the winner.


    [XvT/XWA] EuroComp
    Time: Fridays at 10:00 AM EST - 11:30 AM EST.
    Place: Channel #EuroLoC on IRC.
    Awards: LoC per victory, DFC for the winner.


    [XWA] Kampfergemetzel
    Time: Fridays 2:30 PM EST - 4:00 PM EST.
    Place: XWA melee skirmish room on the Zone.
    Awards: LoC per victory, DFC for the winner.


    [XWA] Zone Sunday
    Time: Sundays at 1:00 PM - 2:30 PM EST.
    Place: XWA melee skirmish room on the Zone.
    Awards: LoC per victory, DFC for the winner.


    [XvT/XWA] Praetorian Comp
    Time: Mondays at 19:00 - 22:00 EST
    Place: Channel #Praetorian on IRC.
    Awards: LoC per victory, DFC for the winner.


    [XvT/XWA/JK] Outer Rim War
    Time: Sundays at 2:00 PM - 11:00 PM EST.
    Place: Channel #OuterRim on IRC.
    Awards: LoC per victory, DFC for the winners of each platform.


    Picture of the Week



    I got this from CM Dengar March... Yeah...

    Khadgar's Note: Editor, please remove that picture from the final cut and say it was Heresy.

    Editor's Note: Little does Khadgar know I didn't remove the picture... Hah Hah!

    Khadgar's Note: The Editor was fired.


    Wing XV
    Flag Officers - 1
    Echo - 10
    Scorpion - 0
    Mantis - 10
    Wasp - 9
    Hornet - 0
    Python - 11
    Total: 41

    Respectfully Submitted,

    Lieutenant Colonel Khadgar
    Wing XV Wing Commander

    WC/LC Khadgar/Wing XV/ISD Vanguard
    SS/BS/PCx7/ISMx15/LoC-PSx37/CoL/CoB/LoA/OV [EXCR] {IWATS-PHP/1-SM/2}

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