Teth Report # 0 (2003-03-13)
This report was submitted by COL Mini Minkus
1. SL 2K + 3!
Ei-Ei-Ei-O
Through the Squadron League we'll go,
When we win the title,
This is what we'll sing,
We are Champions,
We are Champions,
Mini Minkus King!
Oi!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Squadron League is not just a few days away! And to get y'all in the mood, I thought I'd provide a cunningly modified version of Leicester City's Ei-Ei-Ei-O chant as I thought it was rather fitting, seeing as how we're going to win the damn thing, we might as well have a little chant got after every round, when we've brutally crushed every other TIE Squadron in the fleet. >:P Also, I think this is an apt time to mention to fellow Wing IVers (If any of you have bothered to make it past the ego-fuelled start, that is >:P) that Teth for SL2K + 3 mechandise is now available! Teth for SL2K + 3 jumpers, flags, hats, t-shirts, hoodies, pendants, mugs and action figures (Okay, I made that one up. >:P) are now available for purchase at extortionate prices from your local Teth Squadron retailer (aka Me. >:P) All products are of a very high quality, and are guaranteed to last for at least 2 years, since we never can be quite sure how long a SL can take. >:P Also, rumours that these items are the "Teth for SL2K!" production line, with the +1 that was added in magic marker crossed out and replaced with a 3, are nothing but scandalous lies. The fact that every item happens to look like that is purely coincidentally. >:P
2. Teth v Sigma!
The competition that I've vaguely talked about for a few years, but never really done anything about, has now been and gone! Now, first of all, I'm pleased to report that after my last report, we did all manage to remember just who the hell Sigma were! >:P No mean feat, when you consider how drunk we've all been between them winning all the awards that should've been ours (207 BSFs... some 1000 Missions flown by a 7 man Squadron in 1 month... do we get COMs Own? Do we hell. >:P ) and them getting closed, then reopened. >:P Anyway, I digress. The competition has been and gone, and the results are in... and the Final Scores were...
Teth - Lots (Or, 3 219 551 with a 357 727 average)
Sigma - Not So Much (Or, 2 599 960 with a 259 996 average)
Which means, by any scoring method you fancy (apart from our Achilles heel, the score as low as possible scoring method >:P) we gave them a proper tonking and continue our stupidly long, near 3 years winning streak. Hurrah! I got the IS-BW for getting the top score. (Hands up who didn't see that one coming. Really. >:P) and well flown everyone else. Except Gavin. Who didn't fly. Something to do with him being a lazy bugger, I think. >:P
*Minkus throws an axe in Gavin's general direction*
Anyho, it was a good warm-up for the SL, and we can probably start to think about moving into 3rd or 4th gear, now that I've given y'all a nice little chance to blow off your cobwebs. >:P
3. Wing IV massacres some poor fools! >:P
Indeed! As I predicted in my last report, we did, in fact massacre whoever the poor fools we were flying against were, winning by some stupidly large number, with some more snazzy Teth stylee flying. >:P However, we all had a good laugh at Badger, since he was incredibly smug when awarded the IS-BW for placing second behind Philo, and thus beating my score. As it turned out, and administrative cock up in the true Wing IV tradition meant that my score was missed out, and I duly claimed the IS-SW, and relegated Badger to the position of winning bugger all. Something he's become quite familiar with, eh, Stevie? >:P
4. CMDR in Drunken Mistake Shocker! >:P
Yes, in a moment of drunken madness, I submitted an MSE! >:P Clearly in a state of utter confusion, I made some rather rash requests, like actually recommending medals. Tragically, I couldn't get to OPS in time, so, I guess we have to congratulate those recipients on their medals. >:P Badger, Liz and Max all received ISMs for their activity in February. Max because he flew more in a couple of days than he's previously bothered in his entire life. >:P Liz because managed a considerable amount of activity despite a sucky RL month, and Stevie... actually, I must've been really drunk to rec Stevie >:P Anyway, I'm sure I had a good reason, something to do with you entertaining us all... except Cochrane, whose surely wondering just why the hell he agreed to share a house with you (I know I'm wondering. >:P) But, anyho, congrats to all. You deserved 'em. No. Seriously. I'm no being sarcastic... ah... screw it... moving swiftly on... >:P
5. Teth Citation Wander Finishes!
Yes! After 2 odd years, the Teth Citation wander has finished, with the Squadron finally getting over 100 citations after a silly amount of time in the 90s! >:P After some concerted flying by some people, we ended up on 108 Citations. Huzzah! >:P So what does this mean? Well, it means bugger all. >:P Nothing. Nada. Zip. >:P There are no prize, or awards, and it doesn't mean a damn thing. However, it is useful for when some eejit starts drivelling on about Citations being a rally good indicator of activity, and how the Sov don't have no one with a load of citations, you get to smack aforementioned eejit with us, huzzah! Of course, you will have to pray to buggery that they don't know we've dawdled our way there over 2 years. Ah well. On with the Teth Citation Crawl! >:P
6. Teth Website!
Yes! We have a website! And no, it;s not a useless pile of crap I put together in FrontPage! >:P Due to some rule, somewhere, I used some program from somewhere (was really paying attention here, people. >:P) to create a new Teth site at http://teth.minos.net, so rejoice! >:P However, you can expect this to be updated as often and as frequently as Teth Squadron Reports come out... so just the other side of never would be a good early bet. >:P
7. An Old Git Retires!
No, it's not me. And No, it's not Riccymon. It is infact, that old git, Reaper. >:P He's retired from TC, probably for good now, and I'm sure he'll be missed by er... uhh... uhm... someone... err... somewhere.... ahh... yeah.... anyway, I'm bringing this up since it was in fact Reaper, who re-appointed me as Teth CMDR, so any complaints or abuse you have about me, send to paul.reeves7@ntlworld.com, I'm sure he'd be delighted to hear from you. In fact, so much so, anyone who wants to phone him at say... 4AM in the morning, and hurl abuse for inflicting me on you again, just ask me for his phone number. Just think of it as my gift to you, Reaper. >:P
8. Praetorian.
Yes, I haven't dug that old name out of it's grave for awhile, but I thought I'd just do this last segment on them, so I can finish the report on a funny note. So here it is. Praetorian invited Hawky and Bernie to join them...
*Minkus waits for everyone to stop laughing their arses off*
... oddly enough, they said no. >:P
Anyway, that's it for this report, kiddies! >:P You can probably expect more reports inline with the Squadron League, as I won't miss a chance to tell you how stunningly well we're doing. >:P And by reading this far, who knows how much of your life you've wasted! Just think of what you could've been doing! But then again, I did write all this crap, didn't I? >:P Ah well. Hope I provided suitable comedy value. If not, well, then, screw you buddy. >:P And, as always, thoughts, comments and abuse can be sent to daz@mini-minkus.freeserve.co.uk or just look for the man, the legend that is me on IRC. >:P
CMDR/COL Mini Minkus/Teth/Wing IV/SSSD Sovereign
GS/BSx6/PCx15/ISMx18/MoI/MoT-1gh-1bh/IS-8BW-2BR-3SW-1GW/LoC-CSx2/CoL/CoB/OV-3E [GLDR] {IWATS-M/1-SM/2}
And now, the bit you've all really been waiting for....
The ">:P" Counter!
Number of >:P's in this report is.... 45! A New Record!
(Disclaimer >:P's after the Signature at the end of the Report are not counted in the >:P counter. So don't try and be smart, and tell me I got it wrong. >:P)
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