This is a mature report. If you don't find any offensive, defamatory or vaguely sexual material please let us know and we'll put some in immediately.
Tornado Squadron Report 31st March 2002
~CMDR's Rant~
Im not ranting in a bad sense this week more in a good sense. I'm ranting about JKII - Jedi Outcast. For the love of god go get this game, even if you dont like the single player which lots of people dont (i love it personally) the multiplayer is enough to buy it, course id play multiplayer heaps but my computer barely handles the game as it is, BAD COMPUTER BAD *smacks computer with a bat*.....
~Squadron News~
Everyone, please welcome CPT Mauser to our rag tag band. Mauser transfers in from the RSV's, he was once a member of Inferno Squad back when Manny was the CM and we are pleased to have him back onboard the Challenge.
Go down to the Cantina and buy him a few rounds.
Means we are currently at 7 Pilots, and i know of at least one more coming possibly two, I may be the Tornado Recruitment officer however that doesnt stop you recruiting, just ask Ramos :P
Ramos is on leave until next Thursday.
~Wargame News~
Nothing since we lost to Boliv's forces over Cyclone V i think it was, however expect an more indepth show of our activitys where Boliv & Kaneda cant see them.
~Squad Orders~
Last weeks battle of the week was crap :P
But myself and Tomaas couldnt figure out how to get bast the 3rd mission i think it was so we gave up so i wont yell and rant and rave.
Now all of you be good and fly,
TIE-TC Battle #193 - The Trouble with Harold
IWATS - See what life is like after IWATS.
~Wing/Battlegroup News~
Trivia is still going, currently its in its last week for this month so get your answers to me ASAP.
The Banner, Motto (etc) comp for the BG has finished.
I'm looking for help registering several channels on Undernet, if you havent already offered your help and u have a Cserivce Username then send it to me. (I need two more people to help)
Finally, Direct from the desk of LCM Tomaas Montte
Our Wing Commander has revealed that she does not bite unless asked.
Despite this, and the fact that I understand the desire to receive a nip myself, all pilots should refrain from getting tattoos or wearing signs that read "Bite me Mai!"
Such gestures could be misinterpreted and have already landed several junior officers in sickbay, then the brig. I repeat please desist from these gestures for your own safety.
In other news Master is walking around wearing a shirt which says "S*CK ME MAI" :P
(IM JOKING DAMNIT :P)
~Fleet News~
No one cares, check the news pages if u do which i know you dont, dont make me lock u to your bunks and let Shak have his way with you :P
~From the Vault~
Hidden deep somewhere in the Challenge is a giant safe hidden from everyones eyes, inside are detailed files on the EH Command staff (and other staff) and what can be used as discriminating evidence, as well as lots of infomation and Kessler's private pic's of several cadets (YUCK). Only few know of the Vaults existance even fewer have the combination to get in, Master is lucky enough to know it, so for you heres a small snipit of info
How To Write A Star Wars Novel
Here's how you do it:
1. One of our heros must lose his or her mind in one way or another. A rational reason is optional. (Manic-Depressive Luke in Crystal Star, Han an obsessive maniac in Courtship, Leia suddenly developing a multiple personality disorder in Crystal Star)
2. Dozens of new stereotypical and bland characters that no one cares about must be introduced, and 95% of the book must be written from their viewpoint. This way the reader can complete the book in less than a hour because they will skip all of the boring commentary.
3. A new villian must be introduced. There must be an outlandish and totally unbelievable reason this villian was hidden throughout the movies. If all else fails, just say he was hidden because he was such a brilliant military genius that Palpatine didn't want to use him in any actual battles. Trust me, this one works.
4. The heros who toppled the Galactic Empire must be absolutely incompetent in fighting off this villian, and must be saved by one or more of the bland stereotypes described in #2. (It seems to me that a frontal lobotomy was necessary for all who are part of the New Republic)
5. Something makes the Force go away.
6. Luke must be an absolute weenie who is completely incapable of a rational decision, even if he is a Jedi master.
7. The heroes must not, repeat NOT say or do anything that is in character, except in case number eight.
8. If you do choose to have the heroes say something in character, it must be a direct quote from the movies. (An added bonus is to have a character misquote himself.)
9. Luke must have multiple flashbacks of Yoda, who must be misquoted.
10. There must be multiple permanent characters introduced who dissappear for no reason at the end of the novel.
11. A new moneymaking scheme must be created for Lando, who will mysteriously lose it before the next novel.
12. Luke gets a woman, who also disappears at the end for no reason.
13. The villian must have some relationship with Grand Moff Tarkin, The Emperor, Darth Vader or preferably - all three.
14. The book must end in a climactic, predictable, completely corny showdown which suspiciously ties up all the loose ends neatly.
15. The unchanging physical characteristics of characters in the novel must change. (Apparently, Luke grew about a foot before the Corellian Trilogy, and Mara Jade's hair has a tendancy to change colour.) However....
16. ...there must be no signs of aging for any of our heroes. (By the Corellian trilogy, Han should be at least 45, maybe older, yet he has no signs of grey. Funny, Harrison Ford does.)
17. Luke must do an Obi-Wan or Yoda impression every five minutes so he can sound suitably deep and mysterious.
18. The Millennium Falcon must be wrecked, or at the very least the radar dish must be knocked off.
19. Although there was only one privately owned ship throughout the movies, each and every character must, for no explainable reason, have their own personal ship.(Where exactly did the Lady Luck come from? Why would a high ranking government official like Leia own a small, mostly defenseless ship? She travelled on a Corvette in A New Hope and she was only a junior Senator!!!)
20. Now you've learned the basics, write a few original novels which will completely fail to sell because you're crap, apply to Lucasfilm for the license, and watch Johnny Fanboy buy every piece of boring garbage you write. Just remember to send me a cut of your profits.
~The Usual Suspects~
CM "Im your god and dont you forget it" Master
26/3 Submitted Banner, Motto, Nickname for Battlegroups Comp
28/3 Wrote new Trivia Questions
28/3 Got JKII Before everyone else, MUHAHAHAHAHA
31/3 Submitted Three "Pranked" Banners
LCM Sint Seelasi
~No Activity Reported~
LCM Tomaas Montte
28/3 Abused Master's choice in the "Battle of the Week"
31/3 Flew BoP-FREE #13 - Protect an Interdictor (27,913)
31/3 Flew BoP-FREE #14 - Save Mike's Family (23,211)
LT Julius Marcus Aurelius
Tie Problems
CPT Mauser
30/4 Transfered into Tornado from the RSV's
CPT Shakur
Having modem problems
COL Ramos
Recruiting
29/3 Awarded 4 LoA's
31/3 Gone on leave
~Roster~
TORNADO SQUADRON OF WING X : Strike
COMMANDER: CM Master (capt_master@hotmail.com)
NICKNAME: DeathWind
BANNER: tornado.jpg
MOTTO: Before Glory, Loyalty...Before Pride, Honor...Before Self, the Empire.
HOMEPAGE: http://www.isdchallenge.org/tornado/index.htm
MESSAGE BOARD: http://www.tiecorps.org/mb/view.asp?b=39
FLIGHT I - MISSILE BOAT
Nickname: The Missile Magnets
Motto: Fighter Pilots make movies... Bomber Pilots make History
1) CM Master (capt_master@hotmail.com)
2) LCM Sint Seelasi (sints@interia.pl)
3) TBA
4) TBA
FLIGHT II - TIE DEFENDER
Nickname: Nil Satis Nici Optimum
Motto: We have fought 1000 wars and we'll fight 1000 more for we fight the good fight
1) LCM Tomaas Montte (gl49036@yahoo.com)
2) LT Julius Marcus Aurelius (bondpp7_2@yahoo.com)
3) CPT Mauser (Motorbreath02@aol.com)
4) TBA
FLIGHT III - TIE DEFENDER
Nickname: The High Priests of Love
Motto: We're the Love Commandos and this is a Raid!
1) TBA
2) CPT Shakur (kloc495@aol.com)
3) COL Ramos Kanzco (Magedon42@aol.com )
4) TBA
~Quotes of the week~
<`Master> Why should i have to save Mike's family, what makes him so special, the question is would anyone save MY Family if i had one.
~Discussing Tomaas's choice in BoP Free.
<`Master> People who live happily ever after are in serious denial
~Its true!!!
* McCollum walks in and, stands in a corner of the hangar and puts on his official "I got raped by AOL" sign around his neck
* McCollum picks up his little bucket that has a "Donations needed" sign glued to the side and starts waving around a bell
* `Master throws Boliv's wallet in Chris's "Donation" bucket
* McCollum looks at the wallet that contains an unused condom and 4 pennies
~AOL the cause of everyones problems
~Id rather be HCI'd than see a pic of Ronin pop up >:P
<`Master> hey guys
<`Master> hey shak
* `Master slaps shak
~Who says i dont love u guys :P
~Im not sure, can i find out :P
~Its freaky how well they know how we think :P
~Quote of the week~
<`Boliv> of course Locke knows how women think Master...he is one :P
~Ive known him for 3 years, and your so right Bol >:P
~Dark Lord of the Week~
The highly prestigious title of Dark Lord of the Week is only given to the person who has most advanced the success of the Squadron, amused the CMDR, or slipped me the most £5 notes in a brown paper bag. This week's winner is:
CM Master
For getting JKII a day earlier than the rest of the world, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAA.
~Ewok of the Week~
Yub Yub!
Every story has a hero, every journey has a first step, every Fleet has a pilot who's about as much use as an ashtray on a speeder bike. This weeks' Prize Ewok is none other than:
Boliv
Just for being himself.
Respectfully Submitted,
CMDR-TCS/CM Master/Tornado/Wing X/ISD Challenge
BS/PC/ISMx9/MoT-1rh/IS-4BW-1PR/LoC-ISx14/DFC/CoL/CoB/LoAx2/OV [LGNR] {IWATS-AIM-CBX-GFX-ICQ-M/1/2-RT-SM/2-TM-TT-XAM-XTM-XTT}