ISDII Warrior Report # 21 (2019-01-22)

This report was submitted by COM/RA Hav Antiel/ISDII Warrior


ISDII WARRIOR REPORT #21

REPORTING OFFICER: Rear Admiral Hav Antiel, Commodore
DATE SUBMITTED: 21 January 2019

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HAV'S HANDS? (Part 5: Finale)

Commodore's office aboard the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Warrior. Rear Admiral Hav Antiel, commodore of the ship, was shouting over the din; his office was full beyond capacity with pilots, officers, droids, crewmembers, gunners, stormtroopers, and general hangers-on who were intrigued by the story of the Admiral's cybernetic hands. Antiel had just finished explaining that he and what remained of his band, the Pink Banthas, had been kidnapped and left for dead in a soundstage/apartment somewhere on Toth.

”Who was it?” asked a scantily-clad Rodian sitting on the edge of Antiel’s desk. “Was it a ‘cleaner’ Kithastas sent to ‘finish the job’?”

Antiel squinted at her in surprise. “Huh? Are you supposed to be here?”

The Rodian scoffed. “Fna ho koru gep,” she said, “Obviously.”

“Uh, OK,” said Antiel. “Well, no, it wasn’t a ’cleaner,’ technically, but she was sent by Kithastas…”

“What?” shouted a stormtrooper from the back of the room. “Can’t hear you back here!”

“SHE WAS SENT BY KITASTAS!” shouted Antiel. “CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

A TIE pilot helmet scuttled across the floor unaided, dodging legs and blasting “Sicko Mode” by Travis Scott.

“Algernon!” Antiel shouted at what he assumed was his modified mouse droid under the rogue helmet. “Can you turn that down?”

In one corner, two ensigns were helping a protocol droid do a keg stand on Antiel’s R4 droid. An Ugnaught awkwardly rode a bucking GNK power droid. Three gunners were racing to drink the full contents of their overturned beer-filled helmets. An Imperial trooper and an AT-ST driver were testing their armor with continuous headbutting.

Antiel sighed, smiled, and shook his head. What’s going on in here? he thought.

“WHAT’S GOING ON IN HERE?” shouted a voice.

Silence. Antiel looked up to see the unmistakable grimace of General Gilbert H. Frown standing in his doorway.

“General Frown, sir,” said Antiel reflexively. “Er, not sir, but, um… Can I help you, General?”

The ensigns dropped the protocol droid with a clangy thud.

Frown tutted as he surveyed the room.

“Unlikely, Admiral. Unlikely. I would, however, ask that the men under my purview return to their duties immediately.” Frown placed extra emphasis on that final word.

“But sir,” said a trooper who had clearly replaced his helmet while it still contained beer. “We still don’t know how the commodore lost his hands.”

“It’s—” said Antiel before Frown cut him off.

“Enough,” said Frown. Ostensibly, he was addressing the trooper, but Antiel felt his sting.

Antiel stood. “I feel it would be best if everyone here returned to their duties.”

Frown narrowed his eyes. “Indeed.”

Stormtroopers awkwardly replaced their armor. An ensign helped the Ugnaught dismount from the GNK droid. Algernon zoomed out of the room, still wearing the TIE helmet, chased by a cursing pilot. Frown stood watch with arms crossed and a slight smirk.

As the deflated masses slinked out of the office, a scanning crewman paused at Antiel’s desk.

“I just want to say that I think it’s so sad that you can’t play the quetarra anymore,” he said.

Antiel smiled. “I can still play.”

The crewman tilted his head. “You can? But I thought, on account of your robot hands…”

“Listen,” said Antiel as he reached for the beat up Fen'Der Bow-a-caster quetarra mounted above his desk. He played a slow dirge with glistening arpeggios. His brassy metallic fingers glided up and down the instrument’s neck with ease. As he played faster, the tide started to turn; stormtroopers froze in their steps; a gunner wiped at tears as they formed; Antiel even noticed an almost imperceptible toe-tap in time with the music from that most stoic Wing Commander at his door.

The commodore ended the piece with a blistering run of notes that seemed to impossibly rise and fall simultaneously. The room filled with applause, and Antiel squeezed his metallic hands and smiled.

“I didn’t know music could make you cry,” said the gunner. “Erm, not me though,” he added, puffing out his chest and coughing.

“I thought they cut off your hands to keep you from following your musical dreams,” said the crewman.

“Well, kind of,” said Antiel, returning the instrument to its stand. “Anyone can play this well with a good set of cybernetic hands, but the Musician’s Guild forbids it. Clubs have to hire ‘meat finger’ musicians or else face steep fines. It's kind of political. Even though I play better than before, I couldn't book a gig to save my life.”

“Well, what did I miss?” flashed the holovid of Admiral Miles Prower. The miniature blue figure of the Hammer’s commodore puffed simulated smoke from the display on Antiel’s desk.

“What you do mean? You’ve been here the whole time,” said Antiel.

Prower laughed. “Nonsense. I’ve only just returned from my LoA.”

“But you’ve been on the holovid the whole time. You’ve been interacting with my story, and even interrupting a bit more than I’d prefer, to be honest.”

“Oh, that,” said Prower. “That’s just my old holographic away message. It’s programmed to provide witty banter and stock phrases.”

“That doesn’t quite add up, Miles,” said Antiel, frowning.

“So, anyway, where did you get those fancy metal hands, Hav? Those Mikar Mechno-Arms are too expensive for a mercenary to just give you for your troubles.”

“Good eye, Miles,” said Antiel. “These are actually hand-me-down hands. Apparently, they once belonged to my great-great-auntie.”

The room filled with laughter led by Prower’s hearty chuckle. Even Frown let a single chortle escape. Antiel looked surprised.

“What?” he said.

“The commodore’s got lady hands!” said an ensign between bursts of laughter.

“They’re unisex,” said Antiel with growing embarrassment.

“Oh, Hav, that’s too funny,” said Prower. “You can’t let Horus find out about those lady hands.”

Antiel gripped his metal hands into fists and pointed at the door. “Out! Everyone out! Back to work.”

General Frown nodded and followed the last stormtrooper out of Antiel’s office.

“Oh, Hav, by the way—” said Prower as Antiel switched off the holovid and picked up his quetarra. He slunk deep into his armchair and exhaled. As he strummed a bittersweet tune, his black R4 agromech droid wheeled over and whistled a somber note that seemed to complement his melody. Antiel glanced at the datapad on his desk.

'' WHY FEMALE HANDS '' appeared on the screen.

NEWS

Welcome to this week's ISDII Warrior report. Activity is starting to pick up as 2019 gets into full swing. In the final results for MAJ Aldaric's TIE Corps Holiday Tournament, Warriors placed 1st, 2nd, and 3rd with additional members of the TIE Corps flagship earning spots in the final standings. Congrats to GN Pickled Yoda, CPT Rando, and LCM Rachel Drakon, and thank you MAJ Aldaric for running the comp!

The 2019 iterations of the Commodore and Wing Commander's Escort Flight competitions are live. Currently, there are four Warriors on the SP Kill Board and three on the combined MP Kill Boards. That means there's still time to start the year on an escort flight, pilots.

As a reminder, AD Pete Mitchell has extended the deadline for the first round of TIE Corps Spammers. You have until January 31st to complete the free missions for TIE Fighter, XvT, and XWA. I completed all three this afternoon, and this comp has the potential to be a lot of fun. I hope more pilots will join in. AD Plif has put together some public tests for two new trivia competitions. The Aurebesh test made me feel like I'd forgotten how to read. See SOO Report #27 for more information.

AWARDS

This week, the following intrepid Warriors earned competition medals and merit awards.

  • LCM Rachel Drakon - IS-SR (x2), IS-BR (x2)
  • CPT Rando - Bronze Star of the Empire, IS-SR
  • COL Earnim Branet - Silver Star of the Empire
  • GN Pickled Yoda - IS-SW (x2), IS-GR, IS-SR (x3), IS-BR
  • RA Hav Antiel - Silver Star of the Empire, Palpatine Crescent
COMPETITIONS

A full list of active competitions is available on http://tc.emperorshammer.org/competitions.php?id=current

ROSTER

31 Strong (even) - http://tc.emperorshammer.org/roster.php?type=ship&id=16&all=1

ESCORT FLIGHTS

Commodore's Escort Flight
Top Four for December (MP)

  1. COL Earnim Branet - 12th month - IS-GW
  2. CPT Rando - 3rd month - IS-SW
  3. GN Dunta Polo - 12th month - IS-GW

Wing Commander's Escort Flight
Top Four for December (SP)

  1. LT SL8c8 - 2nd month - IS-BW
  2. CPT Rando - 11th month - IS-BW
  3. COL Earnim Branet - 9th month - IS-SW
  4. GN Pickled Yoda - 6th month - IS-SW
COMMODORE'S ACTIVITY

What I've been up to since my last report:

  • Completed the TIE Corps Spammers missions
  • Tested Plif's Aurebesh and fill-in-the-word quotation quizzes
  • Finished the story arc about my fancy robot hands. By the way, if you've been reading and enjoying my short fiction, drop a line and let me know!
CLOSING COMMENTS

Remember, the only way forward is through.

RA Hav Antiel
COM/RA Hav Antiel/ISDII Warrior
GS/SSx6/BSx8/PCx6/ISMx9/IS-1PW-10GW-14SW-24BW-3GR-12SR-39BR/MoI/LoC-Rx2/LoS-CSx2-Rx3/MoC-3doc-3poc-3goc-4soc-28boc/CoLx2/CoB/LoAx9/OV-4E [EXCR] [Trainee] [Qualified] {TCCORE-COE-MCBS-SM/4-WIKI}

Commodore of the TIE Corps Flagship
Ace of the TIE Corps 2018


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