Rho Report # 5 (2020-05-19)

This report was submitted by CA:LO/AD Hav Antiel/CA-7/SSSD Sovereign


RHO WEEKLY SQUADRON REPORT #5

REPORTING OFFICER: Colonel Hav Antiel, Squadron Commander
DATE SUBMITTED: 18 May 2020

SQUADRON COMMANDER'S FICTION: 'Nose Art Part 2'

Rho Squadron Commander Colonel Hav Antiel was visiting his crew chief, Chapman, to find out if he could paint nose art on his TIE Interceptor based on a personal and somewhat risqué holograph of a beautiful human woman. Chapman wasn't able to paint the nose are but recommended Mountebank, a crewman that Hav aimed to avoid.

“Mountebank is his name, sir,” said Chapman as he pulled out his datapad. “He’s the crew chief for Theta. Just show him that special holograph and he’ll set you up.”

“Yeah, I know the guy,” Hav muttered. “I’m not sure I want to, uh, bother him.”

“Not to worry, Colonel. You know what? I’ll just forward your holograph to him.”

'Wait, what?'

'There, done!' Chapman tapped on his datapad.

Hav winced.

Why—? I mean how did you do that?”

“Oh, I AirDrop’d it to my datapad from your holodisk. I've never seen a holograph like that before, sir!”

“‘AirDrop’?” Hav sighed again. “Listen, Chapman. Do me a favor. Stop spending so much time with the old-timers in the mechanics pool, OK? There’s a reason I hired a new crew for Rho.”

Chapman looked up from his datapad. “Yes, of course sir.' He paused. 'May I ask a favor in return?”

“Sure, I suppose.”

“If you're shy about this holograph, maybe don't have it painted on your TIE Interceptor for everyone to see. Or, you know, just own it.”

Hav seethed for a moment but smiled and shook his head sheepishly as the logic of the comment sank in. Chapman did have a point.

“That’s not bad advice, Chapman. Thanks. As you were.”

Chapman nodded and returned to work on the TIE Interceptor’s sensor array while Hav turned to walk back toward the repulsorlifts. Why had he felt so embarrassed about Chapman and others seeing that holograph? True, it was an exceptionally racy photo of his old flame, but he’d proudly displayed the same image in his dormitory back at Dammon University. Why was he blushing about it now? The thought of Mountebank's beady eyes scanning that holograph made Hav anxiously clench his metallic hands.

The repulsorlift raced from the Warrior’s secondary launch bay to a long corridor that led to the ship’s cantina. It had been a long day, and the interaction with Chapman left Hav feeling like he needed a drink. With any luck, Drake, Jarion, and Griggs would be showing the new guys the ropes at the bar and their CMDR would be able to join them. Surely Mountebank would be far from here, no doubt still working on Theta’s fighters in the hangar, as they’d returned from their sortie after Rho.

The cantina’s double doors whooshed open, greeting Hav with a familiar din. He walked toward the bar and looked around for his pilots when a voice beckoned him with a grating, sing-song tone.

“An-tiee-eeel...”

Hav groaned and slowly turned toward a dark corner booth where he saw Mountebank sitting with a half dozen other crewmen, chuckling and passing around a miniholoprojector.

“Ah, Officer Mountebank,” Hav said, trying to hide his ire. “I was hoping to find you here,” he lied.

“Actually, Antiel, it’s Chief Hangar Master Mountebank now. Didn’t you hear? Your successor actually knows how to recognize and reward the talents of this ship’s hardworking crew.” His crewman cronies guffawed.

“Well that’s great, Mountebank. I’m glad to hear it,” said Hav, walking closer to the table. “I see you received Chapman’s message.”

“Oh, this?” said Mountebank, snatching the holograph from his friend and holding it up proudly. “Yeah, this is a fine piece of art, Antiel. Real nice. This would make for some excellent nose art, wouldn't you say, boys?”

He held up his palms and raised his eyebrows, signaling the other crewman sitting at the dark booth to whoop and whistle wildly.

“Right,” said Hav, trying to stay calm. “I’m glad to have your approval, fellas.”

Hav scanned the bar, looking for an ally. He spotted Zekk Terrik, who made eye contact, noticed who Hav was dealing with, shook his head, and returned to his drink.

“So listen, Colonel,” said Mountebank, leaning forward on his elbows and revealing his crooked face and yellowed teeth in the light of the lamp hanging above the table. “I believe you already owe me a favor for all of those lousy maintenance requests, don’t you?”

Hav grimaced. He sensed what was coming. If there was one thing he truly hated, it was crummy jokes from email forwards told as if they were true stories.

“You know, this guy,” Mountebank said, jerking his thumb toward Hav. “This guy used to make the most asinine maintenance requests.”

“Listen, Chief Hangar Master, you really don’t have to—”

“This one time, he comes complaining to me, saying how the friction locks caused his throttle levers to stick. And I’m like, ‘Yeah, that’s what they’re for, Colonel!’”

The table erupted in laughter. Hav grimaced, biting his tongue.

“The next time, he complains that the solar ionization reactor almost needs replacing. So I told him I would almost replace it for him!”

The crewmen howled and pounded the table.

“Then he tells me the targeting computer keeps humming. I said, ‘OK, I’ll teach it the lyrics!’”

Mountebank and his cronies roared. Other tables turned to see the commotion.

“Another time, he said there was a noise coming from under the instrument panel that sounded like an Ewok pounding on something with a hammer. So I told him, ‘Don’t worry, I took the hammer away from the Ewok!”

“That’s enough,” Hav barked, grabbing the edge of the table and locking eyes with Mountebank. Hav's bronze, metallic knuckles glinted in the light. The chuckling slowed but didn’t quite stop.

“Are you going to paint it or not?” Hav asked.

Mountebank leaned back, tossed the holograph on the table, and crossed his arms behind his head.

“Sure, Colonel, I will gladly do you this favor. We both know I’m the only man on this ship talented, capable, and, dare I say, brilliant enough to replicate this elaborate pornography onto the side of your TIE Fighter. But it wouldn’t hurt to hear you say it, Antiel.”

Hav sighed. It had been a long day filled with many such sighs. He wanted to say, “No, the only ‘art’ I’d like to associate with you is a chalk outline.” But instead, he agreed, repeating Mountebank’s absurd claims of talent, capability, and brilliance.

“That’s why you’re the best,” Hav said, forcing a smile.

“That wasn’t so hard, now, was it Colonel?” Mountebank grinned. “C’mon, let’s get started.”

Mountebank clapped, and his crewman pals started to file out of the booth. He stacked a pile of credits on the table and took one last sip of his Corellian ale as he got to his feet.

“Wait, right now?” Hav asked, the surprise and exasperation mixing in his voice. “Aren’t you… I mean, isn't it kind of late? And haven’t you been drinking?”

“Please, Antiel,” Mountebank laughed, stumbling a bit as he waved his pals onward. “I only create my masterpieces when inspired by the liquid muse, as do all of the galaxy’s greatest artists. For example, everyone knows that Walls crafted The Lovers' Dilemma while blasted on Chandrilan raava. And it’s common knowledge that Ebenn Q3 Baobab was nearly always cracked out of his head on death sticks.”

”I find that very hard to believe,” said Hav, but he followed Mountebank and his crew to the repulsorlift nonetheless.

SQUADRON NEWS
  • SL Apos Steem promoted to Lieutenant
  • SL acetiepilot joined us as Rho 7
  • Rho nickname and motto survey results are in
  • Rho Run-On fiction taking place on Discord
  • Epsilon CMDR position open to applications
COMPETITIONS

A full list of active competitions is available on http://tc.emperorshammer.org/competitions.php?id=current

ROSTER
Rho Squadron - Strike
Nickname TBA - Motto TBA
Wing II - ISDII Warrior

Flight I - TIE Interceptor
Nickname TBA - Motto TBA
[1-1] COL Hav Antiel
[1-2] LT Apos Steem
[1-3] TBA
[1-4] TBA

Flight II - TIE Interceptor
Nickname TBA - Motto TBA
[2-1] CPT Trideo Arkson
[2-2] LCM Jarion Renalds
[2-3] SL acetiepilot
[2-4] TBA

Flight III - TIE Interceptor
The Rhoven's Roar - 'Death's pretty loud when it's a bird coming right at you.'
[3-1] CPT Drake Starfire
[3-2] LT Griggs D'Arc
[3-3] TBA
[3-4] TBA
ACTIVITY

Flight I

[1-1] COL Hav Antiel

  • Flying: none
  • Non-flying: Rho Run-On, Trivia Grand Tour
  • Communication: email, Telegram, Discord

[1-2] LT Apos Steem

  • Flying: 1 LoC
  • Non-flying: Trivia Grand Tour, new uniform
  • Communication: email, Discord

Flight II

[2-1] CPT Trideo Arkson

  • Flying: none
  • Non-flying: none
  • Communication: none

[2-2] LCM Jarion Renalds

  • Flying: none
  • Non-flying: none
  • Communication:

[2-3] SL acetiepilot

  • Flying: none
  • Non-flying: Trivia Grand Tour, INPR, New position: FM (Rho 2-3)
  • Communication: email, Telegram, Discord

Flight III

[3-1] CPT Drake Starfire

  • Flying: none
  • Non-flying: Rho Run-on
  • Communication: email, Telegram, Discord

[3-2] LT Griggs D'Arc

  • Flying: 3 LoSs
  • Non-flying: Trivia Grand Tour
  • Communication: email, Telegram, Discord
CLOSING COMMENTS

I have four responses to the squadron nickname and motto survey, and they're all different! That's enough responses to have a nickname and motto for the squadron and all three flights, but it's not exactly the consensus I was hoping for. I'd leaning toward something with some Mandalorian flavor for Flight II.

Rho Run-On is still going strong. Drake and Griggs have pulled Flight III back to protect the Warrior from unidentified B-Wings, and Kappa has dropped in to escort the bombers on their attack run on the Mon Calamari cap ship. What happens next? You decide!

Get out there and remind 'em we're the bad guys.

COL Hav Antiel
CMDR/COL Hav Antiel/Rho/Wing II/ISDII Warrior
CA:LO/AD Hav Antiel/CA-7/SSSD Sovereign
GOE/GSx2/SSx6/BSx10/PCx9/ISMx17/IS-1PW-12GW-22SW-44BW-6GR-14SR-54BR/MoI/LoC-Rx2/LoS-CSx6-Rx2/MoC-4doc-4poc-5goc-5soc-37boc/CoLx2/CoB/LoAx20/OV-5E [Executor] [Trainee] [Private 4th] {TCCORE-COE-MCBS-MP/2-SM/4-TM/3-WIKI}

Ace of the TIE Corps 2018


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