Sin CMDR's office aboard the ISDII Warrior

"Officer!" yelled CMDR Hav Antiel as he rifled through his new desk. "Officer, a little help?"

The naval NCO posted outside of the office peeked in through the doorway, but Antiel didn't appear to be inside.

"Sir?" asked the NCO as he took a cautious step forward.

"Down here," said Antiel. The NCO bent down to see the CMDR on hands and knees peering under the desk.


"I'm trying to find the stapler. Did La'an take it with him?"

"Stapler, sir?" asked the NCO.

"Yeah," Antiel huffed as he returned to his chair. "I need to, you know, staple something."

The NCO furrowed his brow as he surveyed the room.

"It doesn't have to be La'an's stapler, officer. Any stapler will do," said Antiel.

"Sir," said the NCO. "I, uh, I don't really know what you're talking about, sir."

Antiel laughed.

"I'm almost done typing the monthly squadron eval, and I'd like to print it and staple it together for Admiral Mitchell," he said. "This is my first one, after all. Have to make sure it looks just right."

"And you need a... stay-plurr, you said?" asked the NCO. The look of confusion returned to his face.

"That's right, officer," said Antiel. Another prank on the new commander, Antiel supposed. Probably best if I just play along.

"Yes, you see, a stapler is essential for stapling multiple pieces of paper together. I need it for my MSE for the commodore."

Antiel recognized the light of comprehension on the NCO's face.

"Ah, OK, OK," said the NCO. "I just, uh, I'm not sure how to tell you this, commander..."

"Tell me what, officer?"

"You see, this is Star Wars, sir," the NCO explained. "We don't really have staplers, per se."

"Hmmm," said Antiel. "No staplers in Star Wars, eh?"

"No sir."

"Then how do you, you know... staple stuff?" asked Antiel. The NCO tilted his head in a way that reminded the commander of a border collie.

"I never really had to think about that before, sir," said the NCO. "You're kind of the first person to ask."

"So then how am I supposed to organize these papers?" Antiel bristled.

"Well, that's the other problem," said the NCO. "I don't think there's any paper in Star Wars, either."

"No paper in Star Wars?" Antiel was perplexed. "That can't be right."

"I'm pretty sure," said the NCO. "I can't think of ever seeing any paper here in Star Wars."

"That can't be right," said Antiel. His eyes scanned the room as he tried to recall evidence of paper artifacts in the Star Wars universe.

"Try to think of an example, sir," said the NCO. "I sure can't remember any."

"OK, hold on," said Antiel as he pulled his chair in and started typing on his datapad. "Let's check Wookieepedia."

"What does is say?"

"There is an entry for paper," said Antiel.

"What level of canon is it?" asked the NCO.

"What?" asked Antiel, squinting at the NCO.

"Look at the 'Appearances' section at the bottom of the page," said the NCO as he moved around to behind Antiel's desk. "Does paper appear in the original films or only, like, some obscure comic book?"

Antiel leered at the NCO over his shoulder.

"It's mostly video game and comic references," he said. "Does that really matter?

"Oh, it matters," said the NCO as he strolled back to the front of the desk. "The Emperor's Hammer doesn't operate in the same level of canon as, say, Star Wars: Rebels, so that reference to that time when Agent Kallus--"

"Spoilers!" Antiel yelled. "I'm not caught up on season three!"

"Sorry!" said the NCO, blushing.

Antiel closed the browser and tried to regain his composure. No paper in Star Wars? He looked back at the NCO who was poised at parade rest, unfazed by their tête-à-tête.

"So, then. How should I present this MSE to the commodore, officer?"

"Oh, that's easy," said the NCO. "Just submit it to the Google Group."

"The Google Group..." repeated Antiel.


So there's no paper in Star Wars, but there's a Google Group? Antiel sighed. Best to leave it alone.

"The Google Group. Got it. Thank you officer."

"Will there be anything else, sir?" asked the NCO.

"Yeah," said Antiel. "They got whiskey in Star Wars?"