I'm taking this opportunity to bring a very serious issue to all of you, or rather the literate minority who can read it out loud to your simpler colleagues. As you might well know there is one problem rife in the ranks of the Warrior's pilots today - I'm not talking about the rampant addiction to vile chemicals displayed by the denizens of Kappa's ready room, nor the downright insubordinate behaviour displayed by every Thetan over the rank of Major, I'm not even going to touch on the infighting and escalating spree of petty vandalism between Sin and Sigma. The problem I want to highlight is poor wingman discipline.
We may be an elite wing but continuing losses have kept us at a pathetic 4 squadrons, a number I barely struggle to find enough crappy jobs and patronising briefings for. Frankly it's getting silly and I'm being underused - so it's fair to say the only reason I am not a General is your incompetence. Anyway, if we continue to throw the pilots of Rho and Psi in to the grinder on every mission it's little surprise that they're never here long enough to stay on the roster. I reviewed every pilot's mission reports over the previous days and was horrified to note repeated incidences of flying OUT of formation or even completely solo, by which I do not mean "real casual" before you ingrates start! It's little wonder that we keep losing new and rookie pilots while you go sauntering off to fly obscenely close to cargo containers, pursue distant probes or even disable your wingmen to maximise your own kill tallies. From this moment on if I find so much as a flight member flying more than 40 metres apart from his flight or wingman or in any formation other than the approved and blessed trinity - line abreast, line astern, wedge - I'll physically chain your damn fighters together.
While we're at it, there are a few more issues I'd like to get off my chest - lax communication drills, incorrect callsigns, custom art on fighter hulls owned NOT by you but by the Imperial taxpayer, ill-presented uniforms, unpolished helmets, slouching, general mucking about ### SIGNAL LOST ### and that's just the first page, I'm also going to make sure you don't even try to ### SIGNAL LOST ### or the last thing you'll see is my highly polished boot hitting you in the ### SIGNAL LOST ### while I feed TIE your ### SIGNAL LOST ### ### SIGNAL LOST ###
Mark my words pilots, fail to heed this message and there will be a reckoning. You have no concept of the power of correctly wielded bureaucracy to make you suffer in minutely irritating ways.
Ahem... I may have gone off topic. To summarise - I have one serious issue to report to you, which was ### SIGNAL LOST ###
WC/Colonel Gilbert H. Frown, Officer Commanding Wing II