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Loading IO.SYS... < Salute, proud members of The Emperor's Hammer TIE Corps! > Welcome to this, my second report as Strategic Operations Officer of the TIE Corps. Once upon the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Hammer command bridge... Rear Admiral Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Strategic Operations Officer of the TIE Corps, stares through one of the command bridge transparisteel viewports while the newest TIE startfighter experimental model by the Emperor's Hammer Science Office (nowadays without an appointed Science Officer and under direct surpervision of Tactical Officer) continues with his very first test flight. No other starfighter nor any other support ship of the ISD Hammer taskforce can be seen orbiting Aurora... except some shameful screwbag which seems to be just floating there and headed to nowhere which those who still care as much as to remember its name call the Modified Frigate Phoenix. It looks empty. It *SHOULD* be empty, or as much empty as possible. Yet RA Zósite knows it's currently filled to the flag with rottening personnel, former members of the TIE Corps, enough as to satisfy his lust for power and overall domination if only they would be up to return to active duty. And there it is... floating... with all its systems operational just to add insult to the slander... A very young lieutenant who has just been assigned into the Fleet after getting his Flight Certification with honour on Platform Daedalus pilots academy and is now serving as SOO's personal assistant approaches one of his idols, no less than the second officer in command of the TIE Corps, to bring him news from Wing I Wing Commander on the alert level of each of the squadrons. But soon enough he notices the admiral is not paying attention; he's right there mumbling which seems to be a rather dark litany featuring even darker, even spooky lyrics, about the current status of the Fleet. <RA Zós> Where is the pilot and his starfighter? Where is the Battlegroup Commander who was shrieking orders? They have passed like rain on Kamino, like c-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gates. Those solar cycles have gone down in Emperor's Hammer space behind a hill made up with the lazy bodies of all our reservists, into the hollow shadow within the bowels of that... thing... <LT Kenny> ... <RA Zós> How did it come to this? <LT Kenny> But, Rear Admiral, Sir, please stop talking that way. Remember, Sir, that there's always hope. Hope is sometimes the only important thing that remains and the last thing to be lost! <RA Zós> Hmmmm? Who were you again? ¬¬
To further elaborate on the status of our Fleet numbers-wise and risking to mimic last TCCOM's report on this (surprise!), I shouldn't forget to mention the return of yet another one of our revered veterans, Commander Repulsor, who spent the last decade trying to find his OTHER duty pants where he left EH space hyperspace coordinates. He has joined Gamma Squadron filling MY former spot which Colonel Woody promised me he'd keep vacant for me in case I decide to return to the line ranks on some future. But don't panic! You get my word that TC Admiralty members' word is worth twice a CMDR's word which is like saying our word is worth but a word to be lost in a haystack of words and... back to subject! Not only he returned, but he also started to fly his arse off by the book, which is impressive for it's not unusual for these reservists to be back trying to play our noble sims with nothing but an Apple II Kempston joystick and a lot of... hope... All in all, only 8 FM spots remain vacant at the time of this writting, but they'll be 20 as soon as I'm done! :-D Next! As you can see there below at the competitions section, your wicked SOO has been kind enough as to submit a new Fleet-wide competition. Then he was kind enough as to approve his own competition. The he's being bastard enough as to demand participation from each and every one of you with the sole relief of the classic IS-GW/SW/BW batch being up there for grabs. "Mjölnir?! Whatever..." is its name; you'll find all details below, and if you happen to not know what the hell 'Mjölnir' stands for you better go play some World of Warcraft and leave the rest of us adults alone, thanks. BTW, I *WANT* all our squadrons there ready with their nicknames and mottos; if some CMDR notices his squadron is currently lacking any of these fancies I, strongly suggest him to change that by either setting a new squadron-level competition or putting the bryans G0d was kind enough to give him to good use, then coming up with something by himself. Chances are that all them already have those fields filled up and I didn't notice, and as SOO I could just go there and take a look... but it's 5:35 AM here and I won't; if this is the case please disregard this last paragraph (in fact, I don't have a clue on why are you reading this to start with; therapy won't be cheap). Now I was going to write about the recent implementation of Imperial Alliance multiplayer match reports on the TC database automatic systems. Then I realized there's still a COO report to be read this week and lost all interest on doing so, you see... And not quite willing to abandon such a comfortable attitude, let me say January MSEs are being submitted (I'm still missing a couple of them *AHEM* ¬¬) and it's my intention to have them all reviewed this week, so you can have those merit medal recommendations ASAP. But I might fail. Miserably. And guess what... Exactly! Dan's fault. ^_^ Finally, I'd like to underline a very important event which is taking place as you read: I perfectly *know*³ you never read the TIE Corps Pilot Manual, nor you're in the mood of doing so until your uniform turns to be white and you're forced to at least take a look. Well, know that it's among our well established traditions to make Commendation of Loyalty awards to coincide with the anniversary of The Emperor's Hammer (January 7th) and our Founder, Grand Admiral Ronin's birthday (August 21st). Granted, August seems to be a little bit far by now and you didn't get one of those, but I didn't get any either so everybody happy (as SOO I hereby bestow upon myself the responsibility of be awarded whatever what you get FIRST). But! Our Fleet Commander, Grand Admiral Rapier, has ordered CoLs to be awarded for the 19th Anniversary of the EH. Therefore, all CMDRs, members of the TC Admiralty including the TCCOM, other Group Commanders, maybe Executive Officer and Fleet Commander themselves, plus Santa arriving late to the party and a drunk hobo I've just met wandering the bridge are called to send their recommendations via e-mail for all future medal recipients to get what they deserve. If you're a CMDR reading this, I'll be waiting your recommendation along with my pals HA-HA Bonini and RA Crispy (yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!) being next Wednesday 5th the absolute deadline. 'Nuff said.
Ace of the TIE Corps, Feb 2014 MP Ace of the TIE Corps, Feb 2014 Star Conflict's Combat Recon Mjölnir?! Whatever...
III.) WHERE are those bribes? I'm running low on gin!! (aka. Medal Awards)
Iron Star with Gold Wings Lieutenant Starkillerny (1st in 'MP Ace of the TIE Corps' for January)
Iron Star with Silver Wings Colonel Elwood the Brave x 3 (1st in 'Gamma on Patrol - TIE/XvT/XWA' for January)
Iron Star with Bronze Wings
Colonel Elwood the Brave x 3 (1st in 'Gamma on Patrol - XvT/XWA' week 3 and 'Gamma on extended patrole' for Jan)
Iron Star with Silver Ribbon Lt. Colonel Impulse (1st in 'Gamma Trivia' for January)
Iron Star with Bronze Ribbon
Lieutenant Starkillerny x 2 (2nd in 'Gamma Trivia' for Jan and winning entry for 'Gamma motto and nickname')
Legion of Combat Major Tuba x 25 (SC '24/7 LoCs')
Order of the Vanguard Sector Admiral Havok 19E
IV.) Full Metal Jacket (aka. New Uniforms)
V.) Sometimes I climb alive people (aka. Kill Board & Squadron Citation standings)
Strangely enough, 'SP Ace of the Month' awards haven't been recommended by the TAC yet. I'll be sincere to you, my minions: seems High Admiral Dempsey has sworn to NOT recommend any of those ever again unless she's the recipient herself. We're currently doing our best at Victory II-class Star Destroyer Sinister for she to change her mind: we're now at fifteen chalquilla bottles and she has just climbed up to the top of one of the shield generator domes dressed in nothing but her underwear and a pilot suit to sing a rather obscure version of "Yesterday" through our commlinks. So far I think this is working... ^_^u And what about the Multiplayer Kill Board? You have final standings HERE (no, really, select "January 2014" there and make everybody else delighted to have made your acquaintance). WAR is finally over. LT Starkillerny did his best for the LoC to have the same emotional value of a canadian dollar getting no less than 81!! of them, thus claiming 1st place and the IS-GW coming with his 'MP Ace of January' title. MAJ Tuba was flighting against LC Zoron for second place during all the week, and finally his smokey remains seem to have been alive enough as to claim 2nd place and his deserved IS-SW. LC Zoron himself was awarded a 3rd place IS-BW and a rather healthy dose of hate against the Major which fills me with hope as the mists of another WAR start surrounding our MP Kill Board once again. Unlike those for 'SP Ace of the Month', medals for the Multiplayer division have been awarded already by our COO, Rear Admiral Crsepe. Reasons behind this may be related to more than 30 active members threatening the Admiralty with their official resignations if RA Crsepe dare to climb -anywhere- in only his underwear... And what about Squadron Battle Citations? I was going to implement those standings at Squadron Battleboads but I blahblahblahblah and TL;DR: Dan's fault. So let me tell you that things have changed a bit this last week; while it's true that Epsilon Squadron still takes the lead with its 51 battle citations out of 648, Delta lost 2nd place and is now at 15 thanks to the arrival of LC Quincy Nelson because, regardless of almost 300 missions flown he brought into the squadron, what he also did was to set the necessary number of pilots to have flown the same battle to its highest peak: no less than 6 pilots! (half the squadron rounded up). Maybe the upcoming departure of General Pelleaon to be Lambda FL will fix it, but don't get me started on where COL Dempsey thinks we can put our citations, since having an experienced pilot such as the general within her squadron ranks is much more important... BY FAR! All for the sakes of the Fleet and whatnot, you see... On the other hand, Colonel Woody's Gamma Squadron, now also known as 'Exterminatus' after their last nickname/motto comp. (Exter... just... oh dear, badass point), has been reinforced with those 430+ missions flown CM Repulsor brought from Reserves, and is now claiming second place with 21 battle citations. We'll see what happens TOMORROW. For the time being I've just recieved Dempsey's word on my commlink that she's climbing down that shield generator dome already with a vengeance against COL Woody and his team of flying arsonists.
VI.) Someone flew over the Ewok's Nest (aka. SOO's Corner)
<RA Zós> You know something, Lieutenant? You're daaaaaamn right!! We'll rise again to see better days and those anarchy-driven republican cretins shall be damned if they dare to think otherwise about us! <LT Kenny> Yeah! That's the way to go, Sir! Now please have this report from the Wing Commander on the current alert level of all our squadrons for your strategic assesment on the upcoming battle exercises. <RA Zós> From... who? 0__o <LT Kenny> What? <RA Zós> Nevermind. Thanks for your help, Lieutenant, on bringing me such a boring workload right while I was pondering on the best way to leave all this inactivity behind for the sakes of the Fleet. Now... Kenny, right? <LT Kenny> Yessir!! :-D <RA Zós> Lieutenant Kenny, would you please make sure this package is delivered in exactly 15 minutes from now to High Admiral Bonini? Tell him it's a very special envelop where I concealed all my plans to further increase Fleet activity and pilot-level performance. And don't you dare to open it before! <LT Kenny> Of course not, Rear Admiral, Sir! Thanks for bestowing upon me such an important task, not to mention giving me an opportunity to meet the TIE Corps Commander in person. I'll be there in due time with your regards. And please remember: never lose your hope! ^_^ <RA Zós> Thank you, Lieutenant. Now go with all the blessings from the deepest kindness of my heart... Lieutenant Kenny leaves the Hammer command bridge, proud and singing, with RA Zósite's package firmly grasped to prevent it from falling; he wouldn't ever fail the SOO, and something tells him his service is soon to be rewarded with his recognition, and maybe a couple merit medals whose pics he will send to home on Coruscant, for his parents to finally realize how wrong they were when they tried to stop him from joining the Imperial Remnant. <RA Zós> ...to the darkest corners of yours... teeeehehehehehehehe!! >:-J Suddenly, TIE Experimental model Mk.CCCXXV abandons its looping flight path and gets stuck on a tangent which quickly puts it on collision trajectory against the command bridge itself! Unable to alter his fighter's new fligh path, Major T. Clark ejects to safety seconds before that failure crashes against one of command bridge viewports. And all shields were down to save reactor core power (obviously). The starfighter cleanly trespasses into the command bridge itself, setting everything along its course on fire, and blowing up entire sections of deck structure, to finally meet its doom as yet another fancy (flaming) souvenir pinned to the blast doors at the end of the corridor. Then it explodes loudly, scattering deadly pieces of scrap metal all over the flight control pit and every(one)thing it contains. Falling security durasteel panels seal the bridge again in less than 2 seconds to prevent quick depressurization, but they won't do much about the roaming fire which is now devouring the most important sections of the bridge. Fortunately (mostly for him if not for many else), Rear Admiral Zósite reappears on the aftermath from behind a computer panel, only to see that the ship flight course has been severely altered, about 90 degrees and directly on collision course against the planet below. Then he talks to High Admiral Anahorn Dempsey, Emperor's Hammer Tactical Officer, who has been there all this time in order to personally overview the testing of her newest starfighter project. She wasn't mentioned before, we know; official reason behind it being that she wasn't important for the flowing of this tale until now, and main reason that this particular SOO has just come up with a very stupid way to finish this incredibly stupid section. <RA Zós> The bad news, Ma'am, is that it seems there's some sort of malfunction on the flight controls of that last experimental fighter of yours. The good news is that Aurora Prime, being all a planet, is much more bigger than the second Death Star, and chances of this ship landing any significant damage to it are very slim... unless that bright spot on our sensors and directly on our current flight course happens to be the Fleet Commander's palace. <HA Dempsey> Hmmpfff... yeah, ok, but you killed Kenny you [CENSORED by SO]!! :-P Respectfully NUTS in service:
--- (at-your) REAR Admiral Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Lord of Moonlightshadow --- SOO-TCS/RA Zósite Kónstyte Styles/TC-2/ISDII Hammer
"There's good. And there's evil. And it's the Order what make us capable of differentiate between them. So, don't bother me judging my actions; if they're good or evil. I'm above both. I serve that ORDER."
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